Hi
I have only just figured out how to post in the community forum and not bluevoices.. so confusing. This is what I posted in BlueVoices.
I am 22 years old and have always suffered from depression. It runs in my family - Mum has anxiety and severe panic attacks, sister has severe depression and dad has severe depression and we think bipolar disorder. I have always suffered from depression, the last couple of years I have had really bad anger issues but only recently started to think I have cyclothymia (mild bipolar disorder). It took a few breakdowns to get me to the doctor and to a psychologist. I thought I was making great progress, I started going to meditation and doing mental exercises.. but the last couple of months I have gotten worse. My worst moment was probably one day a couple of weeks ago. Do you know when everything seems to be in a black haze? You have no peripheral vision and its just a black tunnel and there is no way out.. that might sound strange but the day was like that. Just awful. All I could think of is how hard done by I was, how everyone hates me, how my boyfriend hates me and I felt numb. So numb I became frustrated, which made me mad, which made me punch the wall.. It felt so good to feel something that I did it maybe another 5 times.I haven't been violent again but have noticed myself starting to feel numb and thinking about things like punching the wall and what I can do to feel again.. and then I think about other ways of harming myself ... and then I realise what I am thinking and that scares me. I have noticed I can't "hide" my anger like I used to.. I used to just be silent and irritated and wouldn't talk to anyone. Now I find myself getting up and slamming drawers, doors and cupboards and yelling at everyone. I still burst into tears randomly.. My psychologist is on holidays and I haven't seen her in about a month and my next appointment isn't for another 3 weeks but I feel like I am going down hill fast. I went to see my doctor yesterday and she gave me a script for medication. I took my first tablet last night at about 8.30pm and woke up at 4am with really bad nausea, I was huddled over the toilet for about half an hour coughing and spitting up. I have been tired all day (probably due to being up all night), really sweaty and pretty nauseas. I have also been yawning alot and every time I yawn I feel like I am going to vomit. I googled it and a girl said she had the same thing on the same medication and her doctor said that was unusual but alot of other just said it was the gag reflex and I thought I have been up dry reaching all night Its probably a bit sensitive.. I also suffer form Vasovagal Syncope (blackouts).. and fits (yay)... So the feeling I get before I pass out is awful, it is a sickening feeling. I get unbearably hot, my throat gets all caught up, light headed, blurred vision and then bam I wake up on the ground. One of the side effects of this medication is dizziness and I have a couple of times today had the start of the feeling and then they go away before I pass out. I was wondering what side effects other people experienced? And how long did they last for? I know it varies between people but I am curious. Is anyone else on medication and what were your experiences like when you first started?
Anyway.. Thank you
