Just having a bad day.. Or should I say week, month year, decade.... I don't know what's wrong with me?

[PinkDiamonds25]

I've been writing a list of my symptoms because I am up for a "review" of my pension with centrelink because of my age. This really doesn't help (the stress of not knowing if I will be able to pay my rent next week/feed myself and my son or worse, be forced to return to work before I am well enough. I'm a single mother to a 3 year old, I can't take the added stress of work (especially since it was my previous job that pushed me over the edge with my mental health (years of workplace harassment and excessive workload).A list of symptoms I had written a week ago are here: Bowel issues- Dioreah, constipation, wind pain, cramping, bloating, discomfort, pressure. Physical issues- aching, tight muscles in arms, legs, neck, shoulders, back. Constantly hot/cold, head aches, blurred vision at times, heart palpitations, dizziness, reflux.Fatigued, trouble sleeping.Mental issues- anxious, stressed, depressed, tired, irritable, lack of concentration, easily overwhelmed, flashbacks/triggers cause panic attacks.Feel like everyone is looking at me/talking about me,Will go to extreme extent to avoid going to certain places eg major shopping centres, areas I used to frequent/live, public transport.I can't stand feeling trapped anywhere eg, crowded places where I can't get away quickly if I need to.Emotions tend to run high, when I'm upset I feel extremely upset, when I'm irritable I sometimes overreact. Thoughts can feel like they are consuming me- it's often difficult to take my mind off problems.Trust issues, a feeling like everyone is out to get me.Always looking over my shoulder.Constantly worried about "tomorrow".

 So I seem to be getting increasingly worse with the added stress (my appointment isn't until next week), I can feel myself getting increasingly agitated, upset, depressed, anxious ect. Thoughts of self harm are popping up frequently (I have no intentions of following through but it's just not a nice feeling to have)I've been feeling irritable with people close to me and I just can't hold myself together. I had a panic attack until I vomited and I've just been feeling really sensitive since.I've rang and organised counselling,they can't see me for another month.It's going to cost $165 per hour which I can't pay for if i lose my pension. I don't know how to calm myself down. I'm so stressed I just want to vomit. I've recently had my meds doubled, I'm hoping it should start to kick in soon.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[white knight]

Hi pinkdiamond, welcome

I'm no expert but....

My guess is that you'll be assessed by an "employment capacity assessor". Such a person assessed me 2 years ago for a disability pension. My medical records were vital in this process both long term and recent consultations/medication etc.

Being assessed, well as I understand it, your worst case senario, very worse case and maybe not even a realistic possibility, is you could be found to have some working ability. What could that mean?

Say you were told that after your interview you were capable of working 15 hours per week. That would mean you still have a part pension plus working salary of 15 hours a week once you find "suitable employment".

What is "suitable employment".? Well that would be employment that you can find that allows for your working abilities, qualifications etc and your restriction considering your medical conditions. Depending on your working history and education this could be anything.

If you have been assessed as being able to do this it might not be a bad thing. Workplace assessors wont consider you being able to work if you cannot work. They arent going to say you can work if you cant. I have confidence in that. But, if you can work a little you can seek work in one of hundreds of professions and this could be easier than you think. Consider this as a vague example.

What if you got work at a baby clothing store on Saturdays ? Even for a couple of hours? You could make more friends meeting others. If you work say 5 hours a week and you are 10 hours short of the "ideal" that Centrelink want that doesnt mean you'll be punished and lose income. But.....in my experience I would suggest that 1/ you be positive about seeking some work if you are assessed as being able to do so 2/ that you treat any work as a means to improve yourself as a person 3/ that you attitude should not be 'I cant ever work again' but more like 'I would like to work and be a contributor towards society and to improve my lifestyle. Even if it is a few hours a week etc etc.

All in all you have far less to worry about than you think. It does come down to attitude though. Show them a good one regardless of your medical restrictions. Good luck

Tony WK