I don't have any hope left.

[Tracytron]

For as long as I can remember, my mother has been emotionally abusing me, whether she realises it or not. She has always punished or scolded me whenever I do something wrong, and then completely ignored me whenever I did something right. This might seem like something stupid to get upset about, but over the years it has completely obliterated my mental health, and what made it even worse is that because of it I was always much more mature than my peers, so I could never even really socialise with them either.

All of this has essentially conditioned me to hate myself and feel like I can never be good enough, and after researching the effects of this sort of thing when I questioned whether I was in the right to hate her or not I found out that this sort of thing literally causes the brain to develop and wire itself differently, and now I'm 18 so I'm way past my developmental period.

What am I supposed to do? There's no way to rewire brains. I don't have any hope of getting help, and I don't see how it would be physically possible for me to get better.... Is there anything that I could possibly do that could help?....

[P0L0]

Hello Tracytron,

Thank you for reaching out here in the forums.

Do not give up hope! Just because you had an emotionally abusive mother as a child, it definitely does not mean that your brain will be wired to hold resentment for yourself forever. Therapists use cognitive behavioural therapy, which slowly rewires the brain to help you deal with your negative thoughts better. In doing so, it helps to rewire your thinking and thus improve your outlook on yourself.

If you need anyone to talk to or if you need support, please contact Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .

We are here for you and we support you. You have reached out to a community who understands what you have gone through and I hope you can continue to post on the forms to continue to seek guidance.

You can do it!

P0L0

[Tracytron]

What exactly is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and how does it work?

[P0L0]

Hi,

It essentially like a talking treatment with a therapist/psychologist/counsellor, which focuses on how one's thoughts and attitudes affect one's feelings and behaviour. This would then teach you coping skills when certain feelings, thoughts, or problems arise that can hinder your mental health. It can take around 5 to 20 sessions with a mental health professional to start taking affect, but this is no definite indicator.

I suggest doing some more research to find a more in depth (and educated) understanding considering I am only a first-year psychology student. Many other people have more experience and knowledge than me on this topic.

I hope this helps!

[Tracytron]

Alright. I'll try looking into it. Thanks for all of your help

[geoff]

Hello Tracytron, and welcome.

Along with POLO'S good comment, you can also contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone or webchat, and trained, dress in casual clothes which does break done the connection.

Being emotionally abused in different situations that may vary in all extents certainly won't build up any confidence in how you are able to cope with the relationship or even in the environment.

As we mature our brains have been constantly changed, and by no means am I taking the situation you're in, away from you, because we know what you are saying, and whatever happens with your mother may not suit her, but for other people, they may actually appreciate it.

When you do something right, you believe, and rightly so, to be congratulated because when this happens, it builds up our self-esteem and that's how we progress in life, but to do the opposite means rejection, and that's not what we want.

Whether or not your mother needs to see her doctor, is not for me to decide on, but certainly want you to list all the problems on some paper which you can then hand over to either/both your doctor and counsellor.

Ask your doctor about the 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to visit a psych.

By feeling 'more mature than your peers' maybe related to the situation with your mother, not that I'm qualified to say, but from experience one situation leads onto another one, whether it's the same or the opposite, once again I'm a sufferer.

Look forward to seeing how you go.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Tracytron

Welcome to the forum. There is some good news about rewiring your brain. Many people think that once you get to a certain you cannot learn anything new. Well I have learned to play the piano and I am a grandmother. I also learned to do scrapbooking a few years ago. That may not seem like much but it was a very different way of thinking.

There is scientific evidence on how we can change our brains. It's called neuroplasticity. You can consciously change the way you think about anything. Tony is right about CBT. That's one way. There is a book called The Brain That Changes Itself which you may find informative. There was a program on SBS many years ago but I don't know if you can still access it.

We do many things automatically because we have always done it this way. It includes how you think about yourself and why you believe you can never change. This is a very rough definition but imagine yourself going walking somewhere. There's probably a path you use because that's how you have always gone that way. What if you were to make the decision to walk down another path. But there is no path showing so how do you accomplish this. When you reach the old path you make a conscious decision to start another path. Every time you come to the old path you remember to go down the new path. Over time the new path becomes well trodden and obvious while the old path becomes overgrown. The new path becomes your default path.

As you can imagine it will take time to do this and some of your thoughts will be harder to change than others. My description is a very general example and makes it sound easy but you will have to work on it. Neuroplasticity is a reasonably new science (20 years) but it debunks old theories about learning new behaviours.

You are most certainly able to change and even more definitely not too old. We learn all our lives even when we are not conscious of doing so. Remember I am a grandma when I say at 18 you are still very young and have so much potential to change for the better. Chat to your GP and ask about seeing a psychologist. As Geoff has said, you can get Medicare rebates for this for ten sessions per year. Your GP will be able to tell you all about this.

Hold your head high and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you can change your thinking and habits and that you are so very worthwhile.

Mary