How long to persevere with therapy

[Rupes79]

Hi Everyone

I’ve been working with a psychologist for 6 months now and I don’t feel I am showing any improvement. If anything, I feel more despondent than when I started.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How long do you persevere?

The psychologist came highly recommended and I can tell she’s very experienced so starting to think it’s me and not her and that starting again with someone else is going to see myself in the same position 6 months down the track.

Is there any advice that can be offered?

thank you

[Naomi_E]

Hi there

I felt the same at the end of last year. My therapist was great but after reflection, I just wasn't getting the results I needed. Not sure if it was me or him, so many other influences too. But I changed therapists and have been working with her for 9 months now. My progress isn't huge. But I have a few tricks and strategies to help me cope. I won't end therapy until she suggests it and I feel confident without her support.

Someone once described therapy as dating (crazy, I know! But...) you have to keep putting yourself out there to have the result or goal you're trying to achieve. Some people meet their therapist first time trying, while it may take time trying for the rest of us.

I would also suggest voicing your concerns to your therapist. This creates space for open and honest dialogue!

I hope this helps.

[Gabs_]

Hi Rupes79,

I completely agree with Naomi E - finding the right psychologist for you is kind of like dating. I've had a few psychologist and whilst they were great, they weren't right for me. Have you looked on the APS website and searched for a psych that specialises in what you are going through? That's how I found my psychologist, and we've been going strong for over 3 years now and I can't believe the progress I've made.

It's the same for psychiatrists - I recently "dumped" my psychiatrist because what I was struggling with was not what he specialised in, so we had a good chat about what was best for me and we found a new psychiatrist for me together.

I think it's just about being open and honest with your psychologist. They can be the greatest psychologist in the world, but if they're not "right for you", then it's perfectly fine to tell them. They might even be able to refer you to someone else they know or within their practice, who is better suited for you.

I definitely encourage you to have the conversation with your psych. If she's as experienced as you say, she shouldn't be offended.

Have you thought about what you need that she isn't providing? I know for me, my previous psychologist was a bit too nice and understanding, and I needed someone to call me out on my bullsh*t and also hold me to account with homework. I was really honest with my new psych when I first saw her. I said "I need you to call me out when I make excuses; I'm going to ghost on you when we touch on the really deep stuff, so I need you to hold me to account etc". It really helped set us up for a good relationship.

I hope that helps. Good luck and here if you want to chat more.

G

[Rupes79]

Hi Guys,

Thats really valuable feedback thank you. Look she is very experienced and very good at her job and I do feel comfortable opening up to her. I wouldn’t say 100% as I don’t think any of us ever do that but I am as open with her as I have been with anyone.

I do feel her personality is a good fit for me. I’m just frustrated at myself more than anyone that I’ve been at this for 6 months now and don’t have much, if anything, not show for it.

I really feel as though I am throwing everything at this and kind of feel I should be ahead of where I am but maybe I am not being realistic?

The risk with starting again with someone else is throwing away 6 months of hard work only to wish I was back with the current psyche.

Does one normally feel incremental improvement with therapy or is it like a lightbulb moment?

Thanks again

[james1]

Hello Rupes79,

Therapy hasn't been a thing for me where I've gone, "wow that really helped in such and such ways!" I think I've kind of landed at the place where I've just noticed that I'm generally quite well from a day to day perspective, and there are long term things I want to work on, but they will take a while.

I can understand the frustration with feeling like you should be ahead of where you are, and 6 months can feel like a really long time. But I've been with my psychologist for over 4 years now, and I say that not to scare you, but more to show that therapy is different for everyone. For some people, they might just want someone to help them through an immediate situation that is really tough. For others, it might be a long term development thing.

I'd be interested to hear where you feel like you should be by now, if that's something you'd want to share? Perhaps that might be a helpful place to understand what your expectations are from your therapist, and whether she's able to deliver on that.

Take care! 🙂

James

[Petal22]

Hi Rupes79,

In my experience with mental illness and therapy my therapy was great and got me the results I needed to master my condition….. I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder I saw a clinical phycologist, a psychiatrist this then led me to a group therapy for the intervention into my OCD……… it was zoned in on my condition….

If you have a diagnosis maybe you could find a therapy suitable for that condition….

Has you psychologist been able to give you helpful strategies?

A clinical phycologist can diagnosis a normal psychologist can’t maybe you’d be interested in seeing a clinical psychologist?

here to chat

[geoff]

Hello Rupes, and you ask a very valid question.

When we first visit a psychologist we expect the miracle to happen, cured straight away and some may be lucky, while others have to prevail with a time frame of counselling because each session we don't feel the same, except for being depressed, and no matter how comfortable we are with the counsellor, there could be secrets we haven't told them, only because the timing hasn't been right or another person hasn't been mentioned.

If you decide to go to another psychologist then it's going to take a few sessions to know whether or not the two of you connect, let alone a waiting period before you see them, which are still entitled to do while continuing with your present psych, but there are times when you feel as though all you're doing is jumping up and down in the same spot and not achieving anything.

If this is how you are feeling, then you need to open to them and tell them you don't feel as though you're feeling any better, this is important so they can review how the session might need to be changed, and should be aware of any results that may or may not be happening.

Just briefly I saw my psych for about 20 years (WorkCover) and there were many times I felt the same, as did my wife (ex) who wondered whether it was helping me, but I persevered.

Good luck.

Geoff.

[Gabs_]

Hi Rupes79,

In my experience, you're not going to have a "omg, I'm healed!" moment. It's an incremental process - but if I look back on how I was when I first started with my psych to where I am now (3 years later), it's a HUGE difference. But I totally have moments where I am frustrated beyond belief and question why I'm not "normal" yet. And everyone is difference, but trauma is very deep and we have learned coping mechanisms throughout our lives that don't just disappear overnight.

I've found that doing work alongside my psych appointments, like doing the Centre for Clinical Interventions workbooks and doing additional reading, really helps. It also helps to identify reoccurring thoughts that are happening outside of my psych sessions.

I'm not sure what your diagnosis is, but check out the CCI workbooks here: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

I printed out the workbook relevant to me, and the things that I have found difficult or confronting, I have tagged and then highlighted with my psych. I find that stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable, is usually the stuff that you need to deal with. So if there is anything I avoid (consciously or not), then I tell my psych, and that's where we turn our focus to.

It sounds like you do have a good relationship with your psych, so maybe have a chat to her about your frustration at not progressing and she might be able to work with you about why you are feeling that way. You could also ask her to hold you to task - I get my psychologist to give me "homework", because if she gives me "homework", I can't not do it (we are manipulating my nerdy, goody two shoes ways). That means, as I walk out the door from my appointment, I'm not leaving it to the next appointment - I actively have to make time to do the work in between sessions.

I hope that made sense. Please just remember not to beat yourself up over getting better. You will have made progress from when you first started. Even if it feels small, it's still progress - it's putting one foot in front of the other.

Big hugs

G x

[Rupes79]

Hi All,

Thanks so much for the replies and you all offer sound advice.

I think my biggest frustration is I feel worse now then when I started. I feel like all this nasty stuff has been stirred up inside and now I am left to deal with the consequences.

We catch up every two weeks but seem to make so little, if any, progress in our sessions. Then I go away and stew on it for two weeks.

My 14th session is coming up this week and last session she asked me to do some writing on the most recent session and I ended up going back to session 3 or 4. Does that mean sessions 5-13 were wasted?

[geoff]

Hello Rupes, the psych is to open the doors that we've either kept closed or e don't know about, I know that it's hard work and dwells on situations we have difficulty coping with, and that's why we feel down, but their intention is to talk about what's happened and let us understand how to overcome these feelings as well as any triggers that could spark a bad reaction and if previous sessions are still buried within your mind, then these past visits 5-13 aren't wasted at all.

If only we could walk into 1 session and be cured and that may happen when you're talking with a friend, but a psych has to learn everything about what's been going on, understand what you can tell them and try to learn by asking you about different situations that you have forgotten about, or pushed way back in your mind, they try to find out in a delicate way, so one session may not seem as though it's helping you, but to them, it's gathering information to further help you.

They also ask you questions or give you different scenarios to think about, just before your visit ends, so that these issues may be raised next session.

Going back to these past visits, 3 or 4th would presumably mean that these last sessions have raised an important point you can't move past.

If you want to ask any questions please get back to us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.