Feeling the CRINGE in therapy

[SummerCrossing]

Hi everyone,

Does anyone else experience extreme cringey-ness (mostly at one's self) in therapy? I've had about 7 sessions now, and I leave almost every therapy session ruminating on awkward moments that happened throughout, how inarticulate I was, what I should've said instead, the odd faces I definitely made, how my therapist must think I'm weird (even though I know this is irrational...I also think about how she would perceive me if I wasn't her client and she knew me 'on the outside') etc. etc.

I basically dread every session because I know I'm going to be awkward yet again - I guess I still haven't learnt how to be comfortable opening up and being vulnerable to another human being IRL. I think I also strongly dislike the fact that she knows so much about me....

Should I be feeling this way though? I have thought that maybe I need to find a therapist I feel more comfortable with...but to be honest it's probably just me and my general weirdness.

Thanks for taking the time to read about how much I struggle with everything in life incl. the very thing that's supposed to be helping me in life (haaa, but seriously :))

[white knight]

Hi SC, welcome

Taking things to an extreme...if you attended therapy and said everything a person would say that didnt need therapy, you wouldnt need to go.

So on that proviso its the imperfection you have that allows your therapist to identify what help you need.

Finally, when you leave therapy and you question yourself, what you said, that means therapy is working...you are acting on your own words, correcting yourself.

So its all good. Keep it up. I commend your persistence

Tony WK

[MsPurple]

Hi SummerCrossing

I agree with Tony WK. If you come out therapy questioning yourself and how to approach something in a new way, it means the therapy is working

Myself I have had many cringeworthy appointments. I felt tense going in,during and after. I felt kinda deflated afterwards. But after a while I realised how beneficial it was. All those cringe worthy moments for me were worth it because I opened up and got the right support. If I didn't open up (and maybe feel cringy) then I wouldn't have gotten the right help. I also told my therapist that sometimes I felt cringy after appointments and he discussed this with me. I found that helped as he helped me realize that I actually felt cringy a lot more than usual and that it was actually a part of my anxiety. He gave me strategies on how to aproach it.

Hope this gives you some reassurance. Everyone does go through it too. It is worth it in the end

[Quercus]

Hi SummerCrossing!

Nope you're definately not alone in feeling like this.

There is a whole thread dedicated to these kind of moments in therapy because sometimes you just have to share the embarrassment 😊.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/the-strangest-funniest-or-embarrasing-things-that-have-happened-in-a-therapy-session

Feel free to join in if you have a moment you'd like to share.

When it comes down to it therapy is to make us feel better so sometimes you've just got to accept the cringeworthy moments along with the healing (or better yet have a laugh about them).

[geoff]

hello SC, seeking therapy opens up the doors that you have always kept closed, but these are definitely what needs to be tackled, and it may feel uncomfortable, and yes it is, simply because you have been hiding these from everybody, except for yourself and that's why you feel the way you do.
It's normal for you to come out of counselling asking yourself these questions, that's what they hope you do, think about what has been said and for you to try and find out the reason why by yourself.
I had been seeing a psychologist for 20 odd years, and every session I wondered what was going to happen and whether she was going to disclose something I had been hiding.
There's no point finding a psychologist who only wants to play chess with you, only figuratively speaking, because nothing would be achieved.
We see a psych to help us see the light once more, and if you're had 7 sessions and on a mental health plan by your doctor, it would be pointless seeing someone else with only 3 sessions left. Geoff.

[JessF]

Hello SummerCrossing,

I have seen therapists for many years now, and I have come to see the relationship with the therapist as a bit of a mirror for how you treat relationships in other parts of your life. The issues that come up in the relationship with your therapist can often be similar to issues you have relating to people in general.

Given the thoughts it's stirring up, I wonder if this might be a possibility for what's happening for you.

I think it's really important that like MsPurple suggests, that you bring all of this up with your therapist. Given that the most important part of therapy is a fully trusting relationship with the person you're seeing, this sort of honesty is imperative for success.

The advantage of analysing how you've felt about a therapy session is that there is no hearsay involved, like when you recount episodes from other areas of life. The therapist was there in the room, and can challenge any misconceptions you have and help identify where your thoughts might be going astray. This will help you cope better in other parts of your life.

[SummerCrossing]

Thanks all for replying with such kind words and very helpful advice, you've made me feel a lot better 🙂 I think I'll definitely be bringing this up with my therapist in our next session, perhaps I'll update you with how it goes. You're all also very right in the fact that my uncomfortable feelings are testament that I need to be in therapy, and the hard, cringe-y stuff is what I really do need to work on with help.

@Quercus Oh I love that thread! I've actually trawled through it multiple times - definitely has given me a good laugh 🙂

[The_Possum]

Hey there

I scrolled through this and though.. Yep!

This happens to me too and I've wondered about it a lot. I came to the conclusion that I don't like the Vulnerability of it. The fact that this one person, who is a stranger, knows all my inner moat fears and concerns.

I also don't like the fact that it is so one sided, in that I sit there and open my heart and soul out and yet they just sit there nodding and listening.

I'm totally not a fan of therapy because of the way it makes me feel!

Also because I've never done any form of therapy and I worry about growing a dependence on therapists.. I've read many stories of people seeing therapists for years and they become dependent on them. That horrifies me.

I also can't see how we can become strong and independent in our lives, by becoming vulnerable and dependent on these people. It seems unfathomable to me.

I voiced this with my therapist and she said 'it's normal to feel vulnerable but that's how they treat you the best'.. It was one of those jaw dropping what the moments for me.

Maybe I'm over thinking it. But that's my two cents worth.

Having said that I do go to therapy, albeit sparingly.. But I do so with caution too.

Peace x

[SummerCrossing]

Hey Possum!

I have to admit I'm still a bit of a therapy sceptic, but I've also read many "success" stories so I might as well persevere for now.

Your dependence/attachment concerns mirror mine as well! You flesh your life out for this person to analyse, empathise, nurture, and hold...then one day it'll come to a point that you'll never see them again and they'll just be a distant memory?! I know the therapeutic relationship is not a friendship, but I've lost too many (what I thought was meaningful) friendships that frankly, I can't be bothered to go through the hurt again.

Saying this though, I've also read a few things about how some sort of an attachment to your therapist is healthy and helpful - over time you stop thinking about 'them' and session, but rather 'what they would say' i.e. you internalise them so you can comfort yourself without actually relying or being dependent on them for help.

Hope your day treats you well 🙂

[The_Possum]

Hey there

Yep I agree! Some attachment and dependancy is apparently required for the therapeutic relationship to be of any benefit, as explained by my therapist.

It's also their professional responsibility to manage this along the way.

However my issue is that they can only really manage it, if you are honest with them along the way of how you're thinking and feeling.

So if you're a 'guarded' person, you might not be likely to admit these feelings of dependence. So the therapist will have no true idea.

I've read stories of people becoming so dependent that they are stressed when the therapist goes on holidays for a month. How will they cope?!

It's concerning to me, I'm not sure how healthy that is.

Like you've mentioned, I think real life carries its own disappointments in relationships - being abandoned, being hurt, disputes, losing people etc

So why play this out again in the therapeutic setting where you're just going to have this person disappear from your life, after you've just divulged your inner most thoughts and feelings?

Not sure. Like I said, I do go to therapy, but it is with caution.

Have a great one too x