supporting from a distance

[HollyBlue]

Hi everyone, I'm new here but am hoping some of you might have some advice for me. My (now ex) boyfriend started showing extreme signs of depression back in October (isolating himself, telling me he could barely get out of bed, etc.), and then in November, when I suspect his seasonal symptoms set in, he cut me off completely for weeks at a time, wouldn't answer my messages (though he would tell me afterwards that he read every one of them). I tried to be supportive when he did reach out, tried to be understanding when he cancelled on me. I myself suffer from depression, though for the most part I have it under control with help from my counselor. I can see so much of what I went through at my lowest in the way he's treating himself now ... very down on himself, won't accept any compliments from me, doesn't smile or laugh much. near the end of November he had an episode where he disassociated from his emotions completely, and he told me I should "leave him alone forever" when I pushed a little to have him seek professional help.

It has been 3 weeks since he cut things off completely, telling me he has too much work to do on himself and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. He thanked me ... I still don't know why ... and he sounded on the edge of tears (I've never seen him cry). I tried reaching out the next day to try and work things out, but he just told me he doesn't want a relationship right now, that I should move on and stop wasting my time with him. I've sent him a supportive message ("You can beat this, and I still care for you") and a link to a blog on depression that I thought could help, but he hasn't answered either of my messages. I deeply love this man, and we clicked on pretty much everything before this.

I guess I'm asking, what can I do to support him and show him I'm still here for him. I feel like the breakup had little to do with our relationship and came entirely from his struggle with his mental health recently. He doesn't have any friends or family that he's close to that I could contact .... I'm at a loss for what I could do. I haven't forced a face-to-face meetup since I'm worried it would just push him further away. Help! >,<

[HollyBlue]

Hi Guys,

Just thought I'd update. So it has been over a month since I sent him a message. He has not reached out, and I think I have decided to try and just move on from here. It feels like trying to keep things connected might be doing more harm than good, at least for myself, and he has blocked me recently from one of the last possible links between us. This saddens me ... but perhaps there was more than just his depression going on there. I may never know, but I still hope deep down that he reaches out to me some day and doesn't let the shame, that seemed to haunt him when we were together, deter him from understanding that I don't, and never will, hate him. It is still likely that I will try and contact him later in the year, but for now I'll focus on my own success and self growth. You guys have been an amazing help through this difficult time, and I couldn't thank you enough.

-HollyBlue

[815]

Hi HollyBlue,

Although it saddens me to hear that he has not communicated back to you, I can feel in your words that you are finding your own strength to get through this, and I find this so admirable and amazing. I get the sense that you are a caring and loving person. No matter the outcome, whatever happens from now, I wish you all the best and hope that you will update us here from time to time.

Take care.