Preparing my husband for inpatient treatment

[Caringwife2021]

HELP Preparing for Husband to go to Hospital !!
First time poster not sure who to ask for this. Could bother his doctor or the hospital or even my dad who is a psychiatrist but I thought reaching out to people who have first hand experience in this as I doubt my dad usually takes note of what personal effects and how many pairs of socks his patients brought to hospital.

My husband is going to hospital to sort out his medication and really get on top of his mental illness instead of limping along on horse tranquillisers and telehealth appointments every few weeks.He is very high function he works in management and does tri's. He is very very unwell with PTSD which developed into a major depressive episode and now also anxiety. he is going in for at least four weeks to Private Clinic in February.

My question I want to do all I can to help him and make the stay as comfortable as possible so what do I pack for him ???

SPORT
Road bike and indoor training ( his doc is getting permission for from the hospital to set it up to continue his training)
Yoga mat

Clothing:
3 sets of tracksuits, 3 short sleave PJS, 2 long sleeve PJS , 5 sets of running gear,3 sets of cycling gear, 5 pairs of pants, 7 tshirts, One set of going out stuff, Sneakers, Boots, Slippers ,Thongs/slids
14 sets of sock and underwear
I am labelling everything order cute iron on tags


Toiletries
, normal cologne ,beard wash, beard oil, hair wax, shampoo conditioner, body wash for sport, body wash and lotion ( lush sleepy for evenings) , face cleanser, moisturiser, facial scrub.
Beard trimmer hair brush tooth brush tooth paste
Room
Own pillow, 4 picture frames, body pillow, soft toy models of his dogs
Anything else that we can make it more homely ?


Personal effects :
Photo books of dogs, travel
Books of 58 love notes I am having made
Books of well wishes from 20 close friends I am compiling
Activity books: colouring, dot to dot, maths text book for fun

Am I missing anything or does anyone have any tips ??

We live and work 250km away both with super supportive works and friends but i will only be able to visit 3 days a week. Also want to make it as comfortable as possible to give him every chance of success.

[Caringwife2021]

Having good days and really bad days, got over the tummy bug with some antibiotics that worked after looking at my results.
Goes in on the 16th doing ECT now which though worries me a bit, my dad has done a huge amount of ECT and really believes in it and its success and knowing that he trusts and uses it makes me feel so much more confident also super useful having parents on doctors on speed dial l that can answer my every worry.
Getting a MRI done and looked into a second option before admission his doc said impossible in to get in weeks but my dad found some that could get him in but spoke to hubbyto make sure this was what he wanted and decided it wasn’t it was more outside people pressuring him he believes and trusts in the treatment and any opinion would delay things and they need to be sorted out now. Which I agree with completely.
It is so up and down some day he hates me says the most awful things gets angry for me being positive wants a reaction out of me other days. Got so bad yesterday I had to leave work as I was so worried and upset by what he was saying. So hard you have to answer his messages/calls because he is so sick and you need to calm him but they can be so hurtful and distracting at work!
Book arrived all 64 pages of amazingness made me cry so many beautiful messages really recommend to everyone who can to try doing one for someone. I am just so overwhelmed by our support in our lives makes the worst days where I question the future so much more bearably.
Doing a big tri this weekend and it is his birthday which will be nice hopefully it will go well he has been known to have panic attacks during the runs and this one has a 20km run, I will be doing it to so hopefully I can help and he will get some of the runners high.
Thanks again everyone for your support it is good being able to share. Trying not to worry about hospital as it really scares me how he will go and what he will be like at the end of it hard it being 250km away.

[Caringwife2021]

Having good days and really bad days, got over the tummy bug
with some antibiotics that worked after looking at my results.

Goes in on the 16th doing zapping brains happy ( what we used to call it as kids and i much prefer that acronym) now which though
worries me a bit, my dad has done a huge amount of zapping brains happy and really believes in
it (when administered right and for the right people) and its success and knowing that he trusts and uses it makes me feel so much
more confident also super useful having parents on doctors on speed dial l that
can answer my every worry.

Getting a MRI done and looked into a second option before
admission his doc said impossible in to get in weeks but my dad found some that
could get him in but spoke to hubby to make sure this was what he wanted and
decided it wasn’t it was more outside people pressuring him he believes and
trusts in the treatment and any opinion would delay things and they need to be
sorted out now. Which I agree with completely.

It is so up and down some day he hates me says the most awful
things gets angry for me being positive wants a reaction out of me other days.
Got so bad yesterday I had to leave work as I was so worried and upset by what
he was saying. So hard as you have to answer his messages/calls because he is so
sick and you need to calm him but they can be so hurtful and distracting at
work!

Book arrived all 64 pages of amazingness made me cry so many
beautiful messages really recommend to everyone who can to try doing one for
someone. I am just so overwhelmed by our support in our lives makes the worst
days where I question the future so much more bearably.

Doing a big tri this weekend and it is his birthday which
will be nice hopefully it will go well he has been known to have panic attacks
during the runs and this one has a 20km run, I will be doing it to so hopefully
I can help and he will get some of the runners high.


Thanks again everyone for your support it is good
being able to share. Trying not to worry about hospital as it really scares me how he will go and what he will be like at the end of it. it is also so hard it being 250km away giving up the control and leaving him there what is he is scared and confused after treatment i can't comfort him. Or what if it goes bad during the week and no one pick it up. What is something happens as it is such a long drive.

[815]

Hi Caringwife2021,

It's nice to hear an update from you. I am glad that there are good days. I guess we have to take the bad days with the good and hope that more good days come over time.

Good luck on your tri this weekend!

I don't know much about hospital stay or what I can say to help you. I can understand how worried you must be. I guess you need to just take it a day at a time and see what happens and trust that it will help him (and you). We are always hear for support even if it is just to read and let you know that we are here hoping for the best for your situation.

Take care.

[Caringwife2021]

Thanks 815
The tri went really well on the weekend even with everything working against he forgot his meds & Hurt his leg really bad at 8km mark and had to limp last 12kmWe had a great time together and he said the new antidepressant is starting to work. He is talking that he wants to do it again next year and improve his time which is a great sign!
Did so many acts of love as I was in a much worse state post race. Running me a bath , lighting candles , driving me home even unpacking and sorting the washing as well as just being affectionate and lovely haven’t seen him that good in 3 months !
Tuesday was first day back at work + Dr appt and sorting out details. Doctor said going to be 6 weeks now and the first week he goes in on like the Monday but may not start ECT until Friday or Monday. Which seems like a waste of a week but hard getting beds.
Little confused re 6 weeks get the ECT course he thought we couldn’t do day patient ECT but dawned on me that it would be so much easier once the first 4 weeks are up at he has sorted his meds and really utilised all the other in patient therapy. It only 2 days a week 3 hours and they want him in for the whole week just for that as its far from home. but his mum and I are planning on doing the drive to visit him at least 3 times a week plus organising accom to stay 5 days a week. So driving him to and from for that treatment would be so much + we have a house we own finished then that is only 90 min away. So pushing to have that in place if they feel he is ready or wants out as he is starting to panic about such a long stay.
Worried about him being in so long. Like I know he is really sick & we need long term solutions not just meds but he isn’t suicide/self harm risk , still works at a really high level & trains 10 hrs a week . Average hospital stay is 20 days & they want over twice that for him which seems nuts his state. So worried about him going backwards being isolated for so long I am also getting really anxious about him going. We have been apart before I have worked FIFO& we have both done long work trips but really going to miss waking up next to him & not being able to comfort him. Also spending every weekend in the city. I have all my friends and family & we are usually away every second weekend anyway doing sport being social going on adventures but will be so different being alone and having to be grateful and work around people for so long. Wish I could fast forward until it is all over.

[815]

Hi Caringwife2021,

I'm glad to hear the tri went well and that you are considering doing it again next year. All his acts of love towards you afterwards made me smile.

I guess tomorrow is the day your husband will be going into hospital? I am thinking of you and hope it all goes well. I can only imagine that it is all very daunting and not knowing what the outcome will be. But I think you are being very strong and caring and loving. He will appreciate that.

Let us know how it all goes. Take care.

[Caringwife2021]

Hi everyone

he is in went in Thursday, had first ECT Monday went super well texted me within 25 minutes was out dressed showered and visting his mum in 90 minutes. They are putting it down the sport use to putting his body through hell and recovering. So much so he had hard workouts on the same days as the next treatments. He is improving as well he is brighter and more attentive. so great to see. I was there Thursday to Saturday as had a tri I was organising Sunday then his mum went down Monday and is going back down tomorrow. Had other visitors every day or twice a day, honestly have the BEST friends no hesitation all visiting on the way home from work even though never even seen a mental hospital before all making it their daily routine: which is amazing as we are so far away and then letting us know how he is going. Very very hopefully this will continue to have such a great response.
keeping him busy with puzzles , building electronic robots, suduko and lots of other things and he is doing these with the friends when they visit which is great.

so proud a lot is down to him he said he woke up from ect and was like I need to get up and and out as soon as possible I know the guy next to me will lie about all day but that isn’t me I need to talk walk eat push hard through and he did and couldn’t be prouder I know this may not happen the next rounds but we are making sure one of us ( me or his mum or one of our super close friends later one ) is there first visit after to motivate him and it is working. He is really driven maybe down to me cry an cry and worry about him losing that focus and drive and functionality he seems to have the rocket up his bum I know super super early days:

ok me I failed and failed bad I have been so so strong but lost it last week lots and lots of anxiety crying panic attacks even threatened to sue his lovely doctor wasn’t good. Made my self sick I just couldn’t stop worry i still am a lot but hopefully on the up ward now, I hate hospital even from a family of doctors I don’t like them I feel helpless and visiting them and sitting helpless in a court yard watching all the other people makes it worse. So bad I habit. To get a script for anti anxiety medication in case it happens next visit. Really hopefully I can work through this this weekend I am taking the dogs and we have been given a area for them away from people so should be good and hopefully I can see in person these changes that he has made:see my husband Alive again

[Ggrand]

Dear Caringwife..

You’re husband sounds like he is doing really well in hospital...It’s really lovely to hear that he has been having daily visitors by his friends...Having caring friends visiting shows how much he is loved by them and you...

Now that your beautiful husband is being cared for....It’s your turn to care for yourself by being gentle and caring towards you....

Its okay you cried lovely lady...You have been a tower of strength for your husband through his mh illness.. then seeing him start improving, was all you needed to let all that built up anxiety out of your system by way of tears....I feel our soul and heart has to release lo the built up anxiety, stress...that you’ve been going through for a long while while....crying is the way that our soul can release all of this....

I am happy to hear that you will speak to your Dr. about anxiety meds...

I hope the weekend went good for you both..I think it’s beautiful taking your fur babies in to see your husband....I hope it went/goes good for him....

Sending you a gentle warm hug.🤗.....if that’s okay ..and a big giant get well card for your husband..

Grandy..

[815]

HI Caringwife2021,

I am so glad to hear your positive updates.

I totally agree with Ggrand. Your husband has lots of support from you, and his family and friends. And it sounds like he is doing so well.

But you also need to look after yourself. I think it is only natural for you to feel the way that you do. I think we go into survival mode when we are caring for someone we love, and once there is some relief, the flood gates to our emotions just open up. I have been through the same in the past few weeks. But it does get better. Time heals.

Take care of yourself. Stay strong and hopeful.

[Caringwife2021]

An Update,
ECT is continuing to go well the has reacted to it better in terms of recovery after each treatment better than anyone his doctor has treated before him has. He has had 7 treatments with little memory effects the latest one wasn't as much i want to go to the gym and am light and bubbly as soon as he woke up but still really good. He has good and bad days but I would say mostly good though once the ketamine wears off from the anthestic they do seem to be more not so good. There is a lot of other factors he is coming off a lot of medication at the moment as well and all the treatments and hospital really isn’t a nice place to be. It does just worry me I know I also over worry at every small sign that he maybe losing his functionality and drive and becoming more lethargic I keep having to remind myself how high
Emotionally on some days he has made a world of progress apologising for things and realizing his triggers and why things that way. Still a long way to go in terms of being able to take praise or anything good without it almost feeling painful to him due to him not thinking he deserves it. It is really frustrating not being there in person every day as we make progress when there but on the phone things come up and if I say anything he just shuts off ignores me or hangs up instead of working through it he just says it makes my head hurt. Only 10 days left so not too long and progress is being made in other areas so I am sure that will change when he gets out.
Relationship counselling is going so well she is lovely and actually says a huge amount of positive things about our relationship. Turns out we both have a huge amount of self-awareness and caring for each other. Also a LOT of love for each other which she says is really clear. Also we have a very mature relationship and openness to talk about the hard things. Still work to be done in some areas but very reassuring that we do have solid base.
Its really hard so much harder than when I worked away days go slowly and am still so very anxious about everything. We have the most amazing friends and family he has multiple visitors each day and so many projects to keep him busy. I really hate hospitals and have to use everything in me to try and control me self when visiting as it really effects him. I am just counting down the hours until I can bring him home. Thanks everyone for your support ❤️

[815]

Hi Caringwife2021,

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you have some positive news and good progress. And I guess by now there is only a few days until he is back home with you?

It's also good to hear that relationship counselling is going well and that you have a solid base with which to work things through. I think that is so important.

I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. So just make sure you are giving yourself time to deal with all of this as well.

If you feel up to it let us know how things are going when you get back home. Take care.