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My daughter aged 30 just diagnosed with BPD

Community Member

If I were smarter I would have seen her behaviour as a teenager was not normal. We managed to get her through that alive, not in jail and not pregnant (just). She hit a wall last year when she decided to go full time studying a degree as well as doing shift work. She lives about 1000km from us so we were not much of a support for her when she first went to the doctor and began a round of psychologists and psychyotrists and various medications. Study has been dropped and she has trouble getting to work with her mental health.

Last week she rang to say she had worked enough to afford a trip to a friend's birthday and I was not enthusiastic, instead questioned her decision to spend the money. I realise now that I probably should have just gone along with it but I was annoyed because she owed me money and I thought she should have been more responsible. Bad mistake. She said I was trying to teach her lessons instead of just being happy for her and perhaps I was but I am still her mum. She exploded of course and I am now a the pit of despair.

Not much anyone can do, I know.

My question is, if she ever talks to me again, do I just go along with everything she says to keep the peace?

10 Replies 10

Helena Smith
Community Member
I am glad that you and your daughter have reconnected, I feel your pain of being a parent, yet also fbeing an individual and trying to cope with someone elses mental health issues. My daughter has just been diagnosed with BPD also and I think one important thing is to try to focus on your communication. My daughter and I realised that we are both trying but that not being clear about why we are doing what we are doing is a barrier. It can feel strange but try to explain your thinking and emotions so she knows where you are coming from. Wishing you all the best in this journey.