I'm desperate!!! I need to help my wife

[jtd75]

My wife has suffered depression and anxiety pretty much all of our relationship (8 years married/10 together) and I still love her dearly. In the past I've tried to get her to go for help but she won't ("they have no idea what i'm going through!!" is the main reason she gives). Very recently she's spiralled downward even more. She's well educated however finding it almost imposible to find a job fit for her qualifications. She's originally from overseas (China) and cultural differences don't help from time to time. This is contributing to her having an extremely low opinion of herself (hates herself). In everyday life any setback, disagreement, family hicchup with either hers or my family sends her down a very dark path. She regularly vents and says very hurtful things a lot. I've tried to be there for her (I haven't always been the best at that). It culminated tonight. She went out for a drive and when came home told me she had every intention of taking actions which could have killed her. This has shattered me. I could've lost her tonight. She's said similar before but tonight was different.....I really want to get her help. However there is almost no mental services around (far northern melbourne) plus can't get her to go. The bad part is now I'm broken too. Lost and helpless not knowing next move. I'm numb and constantly worrying. I don't want this impacting our 2 beatiful little girls and I want my wife to feel somewhat normal again. She's a great mum but she's struggling. I really need to get her (and me) to see someone. I'm trying today but don't hold much hope of her coming with me. I suppose at least if I go it's a start. But still.......I don't know.........

[Sophie_M]

Dear jtd75,

Welcome and thank you so much for posting on the forums tonight. We can understand why you are so distressed. We have sent you a private message to offer some additional support.
We would strongly recommend that your wife access ongoing mental health support. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

If you ever find that your wife is in immediate danger to herself, always call 000 (triple zero). 

You might also find the following page useful on supporting a loved one who won't seek help:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-others/when-someone-you-care-about-wont-seek-support

Thanks again for reaching out to our community. We hope that you find the forums useful and to hear from you again soon. We think it's really brave of you to reach out to the community in order to support your wife. We recognise how difficult it is supporting someone who won't seek help.


Sophie M.

[jtd75]

Thank you Sophie. I've been in touch with my local area Mental Health Referal Triage. We've got a plan A at the moment and will be in contact with them tomorrow. Hopefully my wife will be open to start down this path.

[MissBenthos]

Hi jtd75,

I'm sorry to hear how much this is impacting you, it's a big weight to be carrying. In times like these, your wife has nothing to lose by seeking professional help, regardless of whether someone understands. In the end no one can truly know and understand someone else, as we are all unique. We can still find love, empathy and compassion for people who are different to us.

I hope you can also have some support for yourself. It sounds as though you have been holding all the burden for too long. Please know you are allowed to do things for yourself. You deserve respite too.

I am here for you and happy to keep the conversation going if it benefits you.

All the best xo