Holidays not so good for depression

Squishy13 · ‎02-01-2023

Is anyone else struggling more during their time off than usual? I thought a few weeks off would be great for my partner, especially given that his job is a big trigger for his depression. But it seems to be worse than ever. It's like he now has too much time to be left with his mind...he doesn't want to do anything and he is so disconnected. We never have time off together so I am struggling to cope with the fact that we finally have this time, and it is being wasted. I can't help feeling resentful because I feel like I'm being held back from having a bit of fun and spending quality time together. And I feel like such a selfish and non-understanding person saying that. But I just feel alone. I am constantly putting him first and right now I am wondering how my own life is going to pan out. I would never say any of this to him.

gingerbreadchic · ‎03-01-2023

Hey Squishy,

I feel the same with my sister. (She has recently been diagnosed with depression but we have sensed it for a long time.)
It’s like holiday break has made her even more disjointed and dissasociated from our family

At times it really bothers me that she becomes so detached and stays in her room even when we try to engage with her or invite her out. I feel like we try and she pushes us further away. I feel bad because I’m obviously not well equipped to be dealing with this situation, but I also feel selfish in that I want to put my own priorities first. I can sense that my family and I are walking on egg shells around her to try and lighten the mood or talk to her about stuff but in the end we get nowhere and I end up feeling so overwhelmed and stressed.
idk what’s the right way to feel in this situation. Is there a way I can look out for her without ignoring my own needs and boundaries…

I’m not sure if this helped much for you ~ I just want you to know that you are not alone in what you are feeling, it is valid and should not be ignored

wishing you all the best x

Squishy13 · ‎04-01-2023

Hi gingerbreadchic, thanks for your reply.
It's so difficult. I am constantly fighting the battle of being compassionate and understanding, and trying to look after my own needs. I get so frustrated, but I don't want to blame him. I get so dejected, but I try not to take it personally. I try to think positively, and then I wonder if this is how my life is always going to be. Should I be looking for a different path? I really don't know.
I know what you mean about walking on eggshells. I constantly feel that way. It's tiring. And it's isolating being the one to constantly think about how I can support him, when no one can support me. At least no one I want to burden with it anyway.
Thanks for sympathising, I hope things with your sister and your family improve.

colour_1234 · ‎08-01-2023

I also have no solutions but feel similar. I am grateful because we have some good days but then something triggers a downward spiral and whatever was planned for the next 24 hours is not happening. I think that the usual routine is draining but it can keep everyone going through the motions and when you take that away it can be more volatile. When we have high hopes for our breaks/holidays disappointment is hard. Hugs.