Father with Depression that Leads to Anger

[BookNerdNelly]

Hi,

I am posting because I have no idea what to do. My Dad has had depression since I was born. However he has episodes where he becomes really angry, and begins threatening my Mum and swearing. He also starts punching himself and stuff around him. He also takes off in his car, and doesn’t come back for hours. He basically blames everyone around him for his problems, and makes all the rest of our lives miserable. I have always been worried about my Mum as she always gets the worse of it, but I am worried for my brother as well. He takes a concoction of medications for numerous health issues. Apparently last night he tried to overdose, but was stopped by my brother. So I just want some help on how to deal with this to improve our lives and his? The problem is he doesn’t think anything is wrong with him, and it is all my Mum’s fault and she is ruining his life. I don’t know everything about their marriage but I know his reactions aren’t normal. So I need some advice on how to approach the situation or at least help my Mum do it.

[Croix]

Dear BookNerdNelly~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'm very glad you thought to come here as your whole family's situation sounds pretty bad and I'm not sure it can be made better without outside help. It was both brave and resourceful of you to make that post.

Your father sounds pretty frightening, nobody should be violent like that, and having such distorted thinking he blames others all the time is way off base. People believing there is nothing wrong with them is a big hurdle to overcome too.

Can I ask if you have talked to your mum about all this? It sounds as if she bears the brunt of his anger. If you could decide between you what should be done that would be pretty good. It looks like matters have become urgent if for no other reason than your brother attempting to take his life.

I'm not sure, was it another brother or your mum that stopped him? He too definitely needs help, suicidal thoughts simply cannot be ignored. At the very least he should be seeing a doctor.

I guess if you have to deal with this yourself I'd suggest you ring

• our own Help Line (1300 22 4636)

or if you are under 25

• the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800).

They both have web-chat of an afternoon and evening too.

Saying all about the problem and getting experienced advice is by far the best thing to do. When faced with an irrational and angry person there is little you - or your mum - can do by yourselves. I would think it really is urgent your brother sees someone quickly.

How are you dealing with all this? I noticed you said you name was "Book Nerd Nelly". When I've been faced with very unpleasant things in life I could not deal with I've retreated into books - it really have made things a lot better for me at times until I could cope again.

Do you have anyone you can get some support from, another family member or friend?

I'd like you to know you can come here to talk things over, and say how you are or how things are going whenever you would like, you will be given care and understanding always.

Croix