What skills were you taught when it comes to dealing with life's challenges?

[therising]

Hi to all reading this

I'm interested to hear if anyone was ever taught a set of life skills, in overcoming challenges (big or small). Whenever I've asked such a question, I'm typically met with a brief pause before the realisation 'I suppose I wasn't really taught anything like that'. Most people will say that, as kids, they were told to 'Just get on with things' or given a 'You'll be right' kind of encouragement and that's it, with no real guidance. I've also met a couple of people who have told me that such skills can't be taught (they don't exist).

So, what strategies were you taught when it comes to accepting and rolling with the challenges, whether those challenges are welcomed or not?

-M-

[PamelaR]

Hi everyone

Great thread topic Therising.

Was I taught a set of life skills, in overcoming challenges? Very good question and I have to think hard. The answer doesn't come immediately. So I'll have to unpack my brain if that's okay with everyone.

One of my strengths is to problem solve, to find solutions to challenges and to move on. How did I acquire this strength? It's hard because my memory from childhood is scant. I did have one trauma in my life where I had to save myself - by escaping a house were I was holidaying with distant relatives, walking to a train station 4 kms away (finding the right road to follow), catching a train home (about 200kms away), then finding my way home from the city. I was 11 or 12 at the time and have no idea how I achieved this, but I did. (I stole money from the house I was staying to pay for the train ticket.)

I think any challenges from then one were just the run of the mill and I learnt how to survive and to move on very quickly in life.

So to answer your question, I don't think I was so much taught, but I had a choice to either stay in the situation I was in (i.e. being raped everyday) or escaping to find a way home. I chose the later - not knowing whether it was going to be better or worse. There was no certainty and at that time, the thought didn't even enter my head, I just ran. I guess I was extremely lucky.

Would love to hear from other people about their experience with overcoming challenges - were you taught a set of skills?

Kind regards

PamelaR

[therising]

Hi PamelaR

Some of the great masters in life are self-taught, so it sounds like you are one of those type of masters with ever evolving skills. Whether masterpieces hang in galleries or are displayed through the works of people such as yourself, they are to be deeply admired for their beauty. Having read some of your responses to people in various threads, I cannot help but admire such beauty.

I have a cousin who experienced incredible challenge from a very young age, beginning with her and her siblings being placed in an orphanage. Later, having a child at 16 and being in a marriage which was going nowhere, she packed up her son when she was 18 and left to start a new life. She's 70 now and has achieved so much purely through having the ability to read her own compass. You remind me of her a little, with that inner strength and determination.

Lastly I just want to say how much I'd care to hug that child (you) all those years ago. I will ask that you do this for me whilst telling that beautiful person how much they are deeply loved and admired by me.

Take care of yourself

[geoff]

Hello Therising, this is a good thread but firstly I want to thank you for your lovely comment you wrote about me on another thread, remarks like this are the reason why I keep going on the site, so I really appreciate what you said.

I'll just send this off and then reply to your thread, today or tomorrow, but thank you once again.

Geoff.

[GoodWitch]

This is an interesting topic because I think kids (and adults) could absolutely do with some strategies on how to cope with life's difficulties, but there isn't anything out there that I know of. When I was a kid and had a problem I generally got some variation of 'suck it up' or 'life's not fair deal with it', with absolutely no follow up assistance as to how to 'deal with it'. I mean my childhood wasn't terrible but looking back on it emotional problems and the like were simply dismissed so there was no real support from anyone when I think about it.

Now I've got 2 girls and I guess what I try to do is give them the coping strategies I had to teach myself. For eg when I was young and couldn't get to sleep because I was thinking of bad things (I now realise, aha, anxiety, but I was hardly going to be sent to a psychologist in the 'suck it up' family), I used to imagine a really big broom in my mind's eye, sweeping those worries out the door like dust. Sounds silly but it often worked and now my youngest uses the same strategy when she's stressed. And when my other daughter was having nightmares I would tell her a story about a magic train full of wonderful people that would take her away from the scary things, as far as she wanted to go. She asked me to write it down for her and I did. She kept it blue tacked to the wall beside her bed up until last year (she's 13 now, so I guess it wouldn't be cool to keep that now lol).

None of that's tested or scientific at all heh. But it's what I did to cope when I was young and felt alone, I used my imagination as best I could. Now I'm older I find knowledge helps the most. If you have a problem, research it, know it from every angle. It helps settle my worries to know I'm not the only person having the same problem and there are ways to deal. Probably why I'm here I suppose.

GW

[LavenderTea]

Hey therising,

Interesting question. I totally agree with what you said about people not really being taught about these life skills, and I think that was the case with me, up until, of course, beginning my studies in the field of psychology.

I guess, there are two things that I was always taught, and maybe it feeds into why I think a whole lot at this day and age. I was always taught to treat others how you want to be treated. It's fairly simple, and logical, if you want to be respected, then show the same respect to others... there's really not much to it. The other thing I was taught is that we never really know what other people have going on, so if there is a conflict between you and another person, there may be more to it than meets the eye. I guess this has been helpful, because it encourages some critical thinking, and as Pamela said, problem solving. It's the classic bully scenario - the bully is being mean to someone because they're acting out as a consequence of bad things happening at home... Just applying that critical thinking, rather than jumping to conclusions can be helpful when facing other challenges.

Hope that makes sense!

LT.

[Quercus]

Hello therising and everyone who has replied or is reading,

What a facinating idea for a thread.

LavenderTea wrote about treating others as you want to be treated and I relate to that lesson too.

There are a few important lessons I was taught as a child. They are varied because as a kid I lived with my grandparents for a time.

Lesson one...

Serve and help and protect others. This has been a constant lesson. My mum is a teacher, Nan a nurse, most family members in roles they help others. My family has always been involved in the community. Rotary. Lions. Red Cross. Church. Silver Chain. Volunteer fire brigade. Growing food and give excess to others. This was my lesson in normal. It is important and normal to serve and share and give.

Lesson two...

Stand up for yourself. My father told us often if someone is harming you give them three clear warnings to back off. Then on the fourth time defend yourself how you need to. Importantly though... stand up and loudly say I have warned you three times to stop doing (insert whatever they have done) first so everyone around you understands why you have done this.

Lesson three...

Stand up for others and what is right no matter what the cost.

This one is ingrained in me. I don't stay quiet. I hate seeing someone being harrassed on the train and grown men and women ignoring it. I'm not good at standing up for myself unless I have to but others I do. My husband is constantly telling me to mind my own business. I still don't.

Lesson four...

Conflict is fine as long as it isn't within the family. Keep the peace.

This is the most useless thing I have learnt. My family bury conflict and hurt. I am learning from watching how my husband's family manage conflict that our way is crap and has caused so much harm within my family and myself.

One of the good things that has come from this is how I have a habit of blocking and delaying hurt within my mind until I am in private and alone. Now I'm aware of why I do it I use this to delay anxiety at times. For example I have been very distressed about a letter from my psychiatrist I need. Talking to a friend she commented that I seemed ok about it. I wasn't. I was delaying the hysteria as long as I could. I knew I saw the psychiatrist the next day. I just had to hold off the fallout. Maybe the anxiety would be unfounded. It was somewhat. Yes I broke down. But in a safe place.

Sorry for the saga. I tend to waffle.

Nat

[PamelaR]

Hi all

Therising - thank you so much for your kind words. Not sure how to respond. Your words are always so inspiring, caring, knowing and supportive. You are a true role model.

My child says thank you from the bottom of her heart for the hug - almost forgot her. But you didn’t - thank you. Brought tears to my eyes.
It is good having you here.
Ruth

[therising]

Hi GW

Funny how we come to the realisation that we were never really taught any solid life skills at a deeper level. It's quite a revelation. I suppose people pretty much pass onto us what they were taught. It's up to us to modify the lessons whilst adding to them. I love your broom and magic train, they're so beautiful and powerful. Imagination is an incredibly powerful tool, especially in skill development. We are typically such visual creature.

I recall a few years back when my daughter was about 13 and our cat was hit by a car and died. My daughter kept playing that evening over and over in her head, leading to moments of great upset. This led me to a rather unusual solution involving imagination and visual reference. I found a tennis ball and a bubble wand (which produced roughly the same sized bubbles as the ball). I warned my daughter that I was going to throw the ball at her before doing so. No, it wasn't a hard throw, just hard enough to warrant a small 'Ouch' and a smile. Then I got her to blow the bubbles. I pointed out to her that the cat's death happened only once (represented by the ball) and the memories or bubbles were a recreation of that event. We came to refer to challenging memories as 'bubble moments' which pop in and out of our brain. Amazing how we learn previously unthought of skills through helping our children.

Knowledge is definitely another powerful tool. I can't get enough of it, especially when it comes to the workings of the human brain. We're never too old to learn, hey!

Take care of yourself GW on your quest for greater knowledge, in a world where imagination knows no bounds

[therising]

Hi Geoff

It is a blessing to make a soulful connection and hold that connection through expressions of appreciation. You are deeply appreciated Geoff. I look forward to hearing from you and getting your take on this topic.

Take care of yourself