What is your challenge tomorrow?

[white knight]

Last night when I went to bed I was undergoing my nightly muscle tensioning exercises. This process that takes around 25 minutes helps me sleep and has been almost totally responsible for me conquering my anxiety that peaked in 1987.

My mind drifted into a state whereby I thought about my challenge the next day (today). That challenge was to find my reversing camera in my shed to mount on the roof of the caravan we have just finished building. The camera has eluded me for a long time.

This morning I was feeling unwell and like many of us I just wanted to stay in bed. That challenge haunted me. So I dragged myself out to the shed and 2 hours later found the item. Being a cold windy day I returned indoors and was so pleased with my efforts was buoyed by it and felt really good. So I thought "why not have a daily challenge?" Wouldn't that help to avoid a full bad day?

Have you had daily challenges and what are they? Do they work like mine did.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi Shelly Anne,

It doesn't matter. Vacuuming is detested by many including me. My old back injury largely mended appears straight away if vacuuming, like pushing a pram. Pushing a shopping trolley isn't so bad as I can lean on it. but to push ourselves no matter the task, can once the task is completed be a wonderful feeling. The snowball effect, one that I wrote recently about then begins, it rubs off on you then next day and you might feel better, then find another challenge and so forth. Ultimately we as individuals are responsible for our own happiness and that happiness comes in the way of tasks we can manage. Not too much though.

Yes yggy..procrastination, not that I have any at all, must be the weighing ball, the anchor to challenges. Cant say I've had much of that. It must be annoying?

Tony WK

[Guest_1055]

Hi lovely people

yggy I understand about procrastination very well.  Did you get your presentation done?  Hello Maureen and StaticRose. Thanks Tony for your thread. I completed my challenge of the task of vacuuming the house. It took two days, as I had to pick up a lot of stuff from the floor. But I am glad I did it. Think I feel like a sense of achievement or something.  Plus it is nice to see a clear clean floor. Yeah!

My challenge for tomorrow is to weed 1/4 of the front garden.

Shelley xx

[Guest_2350]

Dear Tony, dear Shelley,

 the anchor of procrastination can be pretty heavy. It was again on the weekend and I looked only a couple of minutes at my presentation, but all over and done now. 

Not sure how to tackle procrastination - how come it is such a foreign word for you Tony?

Best regards, Yggy

[white knight]

Hi yggy,

Procrastination, good and bad points with it.

I have not had any procrastination since my teens. I think going the other way was due to confidence in my decision making and also putting confidence in others decision making only to find out my own decision was the better one. The risk of that however is that you too can make a wrong decision, say a financial one or choosing an expensive car and it can be a downfall. To avoid that, I do a lot more research. eg. Last weekend I drove to a country town to look at vintage cars. My research told me I wanted to buy one. I was set for the buy then sat in one and couldn't get out of it without the seller pulling me out!!!  So all the research was in vain. But wisdom had told me to take the final step- inspect one physically.

Procrastination can lead to worry easily, worry is non productive. Thinking and research isn't worry, dwelling is worry. There is definite lines between these feelings and actions. I used to worry. A teacher nick named me "the worrier". I had to reject worry, quite a task. Like anxiety both of those took me 25 years to conquer but conquer I did. I had to identify the problem, not listen to arm chair experts (some friends) that had theories but really didn't know much about the issues. I did listen to those that did overcome some similar hurdles.

The negatives or procrastinating are there. You can dwell on making a decision like buying a car and it is sold before you know it. Often I buy rare cars so this can work against you. Then again you miss out on one and a better one for less props up and its yours. Caution only becomes procrastination when all research has been done, there is nothing more you can improve on in making a decision and fear replaces all of our capacities to be wise.

Then there is the partner factor. Commonly a quick decision maker like me wont be compatible with a procrastinator. Luckily in 80% of cases my wife catches up to my logic lol. The other 20% I tear my hair out.

Tony WK

[Guest_2350]

Dear Tony,

thank you for your insight.How did you identify the problem? How did you move on?

I used to say that I work well under pressure - and I did, I thrived with a higher workload, more engagement... Everything seemed to just flow, leaving people amazed how I managed my life. Then I hit the wall. And now I do what I always did, wait for the deadline. Just that I have nothing else to do in the mean time. Or let's say, nothing else that would get a higher priority than lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling. My enthusiasm is gone, my drive is gone. I was always a perfectionist, now I struggle to iron my clothes in the morning.

I think I procrastinate because I just don't want to do things. And I have lost the bigger picture view. I don't know how I will feel from one moment to the next, so what's the point of making plans? I've always made plans. I've always had goals. Now I just need to go from day to day, hour to hour. My psychologist said to just float for a while, not to make radical decisions. So I am waiting for things to get better, and they have lately with new meds and new support. I am just scared to make new plans. I hit the wall pretty hard. I guess it will come with time.

My challenge for today is to exercise after work. I know it makes me feel better and gives me some energy, so that is my plan for today.

Take care, Yggy

[white knight]

HI yggy,

You mentioned- "My psychologist said to just float for a while, not to make radical decisions." I'm guessing he/she wants you to continue to chill out for a while. We know sometimes depending upon the severity of the damage of the mind, like a machine it needs to rest. Rest is good. Rest, proper rest I assume means not looking back to what used to be.

The - "what used to be, how I used to be" thoughts also aren't productive like worry. Because its like grieving for what you once had in terms of abilities. As I mention in some threads "acceptance is your first baby step to recovery" (Recovery doesn't mean 100% recovery but to a point whereby you can function ok). Acceptance will take time, time being a very effective tool but - with time you have to wait and waiting isn't a good feeling.

With mental breakdown we lose some abilities. My short term memory has suffered the most out of my episodes. Compensating for this are things like using my note pad on my phone for reminders, the alarm, my wife helping me (once she also accepted my memory was bad due to my illnesses) and so on. Routine also helps a bad memory....eg Monday nights is QandA night on ABC and on QandA nights I put the garbage out and so forth.

The very best tool for bad memory is NMEMONICS. Pronounced 'nemonics'. This is a way of using things to aid the memory. eg you need to learn to do a process. eg to process is wrap the parcel,  organise,ring customer, deliver and sign off...so taking the first letter form each word spells WORDS. all you need to remember for the whole process of an order is WORDS!

So back to decision making. I think we all suffer some of our abilities when we take medication and suffer mental stress. So for you to go from being a good decision maker and goal achiever to what you are today....struggling to be how you were there isn't much choice out there for you. Obviously you'll take your psychologists advice. But we hinder our progress by churning expectations of ourselves especially based on what we used to achieve.

I find it far better to not compare how I was pre illness or pre episodes I had. I've developed in my mind a foundation of goals easily achievable. eg Driving slower and safer, gardening in a slow manner, displaying more care to my carer my wife, reduction of people in contact with me that are not valuable (less FB friends) and helping others eg BB forums. All these help me maintain being me. That's enough to build on.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi yggy

You mentioned "My psychologist said to just float for a while, not to make radical decisions."  I think he/she wants you to chill for a while. They know the speed at which recovery is best achieved.

I found the best approach to my 90% recovery (100% not possible) is to not compare with yesteryear. My short term memory has been my worst casualty since my episodes began some years ago now. Losing memory is a rotten feeling and causes conflict. So I had to set in place a number of compensation methods, using note pad on my phone and NMEMONICS.

NMEMONICS pronounced 'nemonics' is to aid the memory. eg say you need to recall a process and that process is- wrap the parcel, order, ring the customer, deliver and sign receipt. Each process has a first letter and they make up "WORDS". So all I need to remember is WORDS and I'll remember the process.

So its best to a/ accept I am not the person I was, even if I accept I'm a new person not necessarily a worse person but a person needing new methods of achieving. b/ that I need to lean on new ideas to function and c/ to use other means like technology and a carers help to get through. But looking back to my younger days with how my memory was and other areas that used to function better (handling stress, crowds) is counterproductive.

I think this is where your psychologist is heading.

Tony WK

[Guest_2350]

Thank you so much Tony,

I know we are going off track in this thread, so I will start a new one, but please know, thank you so much for your wise words!

Take care, Yggy

[Guest_5218]

Today I set myself a challenge to complete the task of cutting and trimming hedges and shrubs around my large outdoor budgie aviary.  I have been putting it off for a week or two now.  I did do some sawing and trimming around other parts of the garden last week, but never got to this particular part.  It needed more care and equipment.  So it has been bothering me that I hadnt done it.  And I do like to complete tasks!

So when I woke up this morning I decided that today was the day.  It was nice and cool this morning so a perfect day to get it done.  So out came the bush saw, the hedge clippers and the secateurs.  Along with a ladder.  After about an hour it was all done, and I wondered what the big deal was.  

I usually let it become fairly overgrown during summer as it gives the aviary more shade and protection from the harsh hot sun for the budgies I keep there.  But now that autumn is finally with us, and a shift in the position of the sun, I like to cut it back a lot.  It allows better light and sunshine for them come winter time.  So I'm glad thats all finished now.  Mission (or challenge) accomplished!  

I do have a far greater challenge coming up though, and it currently has me getting increasingly anxious.  I have an apt with my psych on Monday, which is fine.  But as a result of that I will likely have to book an appointment with my GP.  I have made a pact with myself in the last few weeks to tell him about my ptsd, reasons for it etc.  I have never opened up about it to him before and all he knows, through my psych, is that I have ptsd.  I have been advised time and time again (my psych, people here on the Forums, etc) that I should talk to him about it.  So I am determined to do so, its just that its starting to freak me out.  And I dont even have an apt with him yet!

Some challenges are far easier than others .........

Sherie xx

[Guest_2350]

Dear Tony,

I have been thinking about your post the past few days. I admire your knowledge and acceptance of yourself and your illness and also how your wife has "adapted and accepted" you. 

To be honest I haven't considered yet that some of my mental capabilities may not return and I am grateful you pointed that out to me. I am starting to accept that I have lost some physical abilities in the last few years and I am still grieving but I am acknowledging the facts. It may be time now to think about my own mental breakdown and start to go through the process there. It's scary to think of it as a mental breakdown but I think that is what happened. 

My challenge today is to go for a little run and a swim when I come home. I know I enjoy it, but I don't do it.

Take care, Yggy