Telling people you have a mental illness

[biscotti81]

Who do you share/is aware you have a mental illness and are they supportive?

Friends? Family?

[White_Rose]

Dear Biscotti

Hello, nice to meet you. I read your other thread but did not reply as you have some great people talking to you. This question is one I have struggled with for a while. I would like to be open about my mental illness (depression and possibly PTSD) just as I have told my circle of friends about my various surgery needs in the past year. As you are very well aware the two types of illness are treated very differently.

It's really sad that we are forced to hide these conditions because of the discrimination that often follows. I told my manager and was told I had lost any chance of promotion. Disgusting, especially as she was only too happy to pass my work off as her own. I also told my director and was so well treated I could hardly believe it. I didn't get special treatment. That's not what I wanted. Just a fair go.

Friends and family are different. My family rallied round me and supported me. They knew about mental illness in general from their respective workplaces. They were sad for me, so was I, but they helped as best they could and my daughters phoned me frequently for a chat. Best of all they allowed me talk about it all. I did hold some things back, their father's treatment of me, but some I felt I could not inflict on the. Still being mom I expect.

I had a number of friends and acquaintances, some I confided in. I think I did an inventory of sorts on what each person knew about mental illness and their attitudes whenever the subject showed up. Being depressed is not the best state to look for support. I did talk to people who were clearly uninterested. In spite of this I found people who wanted to walk with me. I learned to listen to my body when looking for help and found that was the best guide. When in doubt, don't, is the best rule but make sure it's not your own shame that's talking.

Yes I do mean shame. I have rarely met anyone who is depressed who is not ashamed of this illness. And it makes me cranky that unwell people must hide their illnesses to conform to society's expectations. On the plus side I believe attitudes are changing. This is why I want to speak out about barriers and stigma, to demonstrate I am still a reasonable human with faults and virtues, but not turned into an ogre.

So this is the dilemma. Speak out and suffer some consequences but help to push back the barriers, or remain in hiding, finding no relief but also experiencing no hurtful attitudes.

I have used all my allowance. Write in again.

Mary

[Cornstarch]

Hi Biscotti81,

I don't say this like I am some godly, centred, Zen like person because I am far from it, but I was forced to tell everyone. Forced as in I literally cannot remember a day in my life where I have not experienced some anxiety. Every possible colour, fragrance, texture, length and flavour of anxiety that you can imagine, I have experienced. Generalised anxiety, panic attacks, nervous beyond words. I've done it, lived it, been it. It just kept going up and up and up and up until bang. PTSD. I've graduated with the highest anxiety disorder.

Just because I've told everyone doesn't mean that I am not ashamed and embarrassed. I am still ashamed and embarrassed. I still look down at my shoes when telling people and cringe at the thought of people knowing. But I was forced into a corner. I had to tell people or run away to an island. I still feel ripped off when I look at healthy people. But it's all part of coming to terms with having a condition that can only be managed and not fixed. My family were supportive but they don't "get it" if you know what I mean. I suppose I can't expect them to because all the drama is happening behind my skin and the human eye can't detect it.

Because my condition is intertwined with a horrible story my hope that the elders in my family will "get it" is very loaded. I want them to "see me" and give me the response and protection I should have received years and years ago. Child-like hopes often end in disaster. That's never gonna happen. I can't change them, and their attitude is that mental health is an excuse for weakness. What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

I took a major risk telling work and am probably seen as a liability. But I was that desperate that I had to.

Good luck.

[biscotti81]

Can't believe your manager said that. Every illness should be treated the same. It is a dilemma. I guess I need to determine which approach I use for each person, as it's no one size fits all

[biscotti81]

I'm sorry you reached that place of having to tell people. I suffer mild Ptsd also, so understand how difficult it would be for you to manage along with other things combined. It's a catch 22. I guess I would just love to find someone suffering the same whom I can share things with, who gets it. Thankyou

[Cornstarch]

So true. Each person/situation is different. Telling a parent, grandparent, aunty, uncle, sibling, child, is way way different to telling a boss. And only you know the history, personality's and situations that you face and must contend with. It's a fraught decision, and hard. I blurted it out like a desperate moron at the end of their tether.

All "disabilities" are not created equal, despite the corny government advertising. Some are seen as "likeable and loveable", others are a "liability". The employment market is so competitive that they can do, employ, sack and make redundant whom ever they want. No apology’s, no reasons's necessary. It's that brutal. It's all about the bottom line and shrinking resources in a "competitive market". Go globalisation.

Ciao for now brown cow

[Sinking92]

Hello,

All of my family know I suffer depression, I think my parents are as supportive as their understanding allows them, they are very supportive with physical things, but not really emotionally.

With friends, mostly the only ones who are understanding are those who have experienced mental illness themselves, others seem to look down on me from that point, and I can never seem to get back on the same level as them, or feel respected by them again.

When I was working and I told my manager they were actually really supportive.

I have to agree mostly with White Rose. I don't think I feel ashamed about suffering depression anymore, although I did before cognitive behavior therapy, and I do still feel put down because of some people's reactions.

It is hard to judge what a persons reaction might be, and unfortunately I agree with "When in doubt, don't", and good advice about not letting it be shame talking, because for me sometimes it was.

[blondguy]

Hello Biscotti81

You have brought up a great topic and good on you! There is also some great advice above too...

My family and my friends know that I use 'invisible crutches' (have depression etc)

I was made redundant in January this year and a few months later my postie rode past and said "are you on holidays or bludging"?

I was that tired with the roller coaster of depression I just responded...."no..not bludging...I have depression and taking time out right now" My postie said "I hope you get better" 🙂

I dont tell future employers as I am so over being treated like I have some form of contagious disease.....even though I should tell them of course. It can be a rocky road Biscotti81

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Cold_Mirror]

Hi Biscotti

good question!

I've told my two sisters about my depression. One of them is very narcissistic, so I think it has been long forgotten. The second one listened, but we haven't talked about it for a long time - probably over a decade. I still have my mother, but I would not dream of telling her.

Have told some friends with varying responses.

I have told work supervisors in a few different jobs and, surprisingly, they were supportive. Especially they were supportive in understanding that I needed time off for therapy.

I'm less ashamed these days but I tend not to tell people who don't need to know. What I find along the way is that A LOT OF people have had to get help at some point in their lives. People in that category are more likely to understand even if they do not have longer term issues.