Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Hanna and Paws,

Hanna, I watch and follow lots of photography YouTube channels on many aspects of photography. I often listen to photography podcasts as well. There is so much out there isn't there. We are very lucky in this day and age that if there is something we are interested in we can almost always find something about it on the internet. I haven't watched the latest Sitting With Dogs video but might do that later today. I find it so lovely the way the dogs come to trust him and feel safe. I loved the comment about Great Danes thinking they are little and little dogs thinking they are the big guys. It seems like little dogs are trying to compensate for their size. When I walk in the woodland across the road I often see an elderly couple with 3 little white fluffy dogs. Two of them are quite barky. They are funny little characters. I used to live with a husky/kelpie cross who almost never barked. This is apparently usual for huskies to not bark. He was like a big white wolf who felt more wild than domestic. I remember walking him at night feeling quite safe with such a big dog. I walked him by the ocean under the stars and it is such a beautiful memory.

Paws, I am seeing that "forest collapse" all around me right now. Trees are dying all over the place and vast areas of vegetation have turned brown. It is pretty confronting but at the same time I've reached a point of radical acceptance that this is what's happening. 10 years there was a similar collapse which I witnessed in the Perth Hills and it was reported for large swathes of forest in south-west WA that completely died. That was the first shocking realisation for me that climate change is well and truly underway. I have had time to grieve and come to terms with it so it is still concerning to me but not so overwhelming as it is less of a shock now. I will have a look at the Dead Tree Detective website and can certainly upload images of dying forest and vegetation for their records. One particularly beautiful area of forest about 30 minutes from here is on its last legs and almost completely dead. Until just over 3 years ago it was a lush green cathedral-like environment of tall trees full of bird song. Nature will adapt but species will also be lost and habitats will change to dryer ecosystems. It's apparently hitting primary producers really hard in this region at the moment.

Hanna, it is lovely that kitty is chatting away to you. It's wonderful when animals communicate with us and like Paws said it would be lovely to know what they are saying. Brucie sounds like such a lovely boy. I have no idea if this would work, but I wonder if he saw you scraping your nails on the scratching posts as a demonstration whether he would get the idea and then copy it? I know that sounds weird but sometimes animals will copy us. I've found if I move my face in circles at an owl or tawny frogmouth they will do the same movement back at me. I learned this after meeting some tawny frogmouth chicks at a wildlife rescue place who were doing this at me and then I would do it and then they would do it. They are so cute!

Paws, it's really good you are feeling that acceptance of the situation with your sister as the initial shock eases. You are so absolutely correct that it is possible to still make beautiful memories even when there is a terminal condition. My dad had Parkinson's and he deteriorated quite drastically in his last year. But some of my most meaningful memories are of being with him during that time. Very simple things like taking him for a walk with his walker and him enjoying getting out into the hospital gardens and seeing things around him are what I still have in my heart now. And I know the making of those memories was very meaningful for him as he struggled his way through those last 12 months. I know it made his journey easier.

Initially a small chance of rain had been forecast for this weekend but that has gone back to 0% chance of rain. So it continues to be bone dry but the temperatures a cooling a bit at night. This morning I gave the back garden a water and the small birds really like it. They definitely notice when water is about.

Wishing you both a lovely weekend,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

It's like summer here today it is so hot and hot all week - they were saying on the news that Australia - and they may have meant world wide - is in for the warmest winter on record.  It's worrying isn't it - and it sounds sad where you are, that lovely rainforest type area you describe dying off - the trees here have died all over the place and in the recent storm more went down as they were already weakened from the drought and heat.  We really are messing up this amazing planet.  

ER yesterday I was watching a video and it had advertisements for other DVDs and one was about a photographer in New York long ago called Stephanie Maier.  Apparently she worked as a nanny and kept her hobby of street photography in New York a secret from everyone - her photographs looked extraordinary.  Apparently she was not well liked by the children she cared for but her photographs are now famous - someone found them years later in a box purchased at an auction It think it was.  Apparently there is a whole documentary about her.  

I haven't achieved much today, I've been sleepy with the sudden heat.  I've even got the ceiling fan on!  This is ridiculous.  Kitty gets bored and he declines to play with any interacting toys at all - and he won't climb up his cat tree as he's too nervous of it - he sits on the lowest part!  It's tricky trying to keep him entertained.  He seems to get lonely and is happy when I get up in the mornings but as he won't play apart from the wand toy, I don't know what to do for him - I have music playing and he has several windows to look out onto trees and birds - I tried at TV on my tablet but that scared him - he's very scared of things.  Even new toys seem to frighten him.  I've been looking at cat videos to try to get some ideas!  Most people say get a second cat but I honestly can't do that in this small unit - plus double vet bills!

Your walks with the huskie sound lovely, it's good to have memories like that ER.  I chatted with my elderly farmer friend out west the other night, his dogs are still fine but he is still a lonely elderly bachelor - nobody from his bowls club or church ever suggest he joins them for a coffee and his neighbours are busy working and don't talk with him.  It's hard being in your 80s and lonely like that; I wish people would make an effort and suggest he join them for a coffee, say at the bowling club, after a game.  Just a small gesture like that would mean a lot to him.  I don't find people here especially friendly either i must say  I wonder if it's social media it seems worse ever since covid.  Maybe we all got used to staying home and not socializing.

Oh and ER, I have tried scratching my nails on the wave scratching boards - but kitty has decided he likes sitting and lying on them instead!  He seems very comfortable - I took notice of a comment on the Kmart reviews about them - one person said her cat wouldn't use them as a scratching post so she put two together and made a bed for him out of them - so I put two together and now kitty uses them as a kind of reclining seat.  As long as they're being used I'm happy!

I seem to be into toasted home-made sandwiches and cups of vegetable soup for light dinners these days - simple and easy! Plus some fruit.  I have an older friend who doesn't eat much protein and we do need that for building muscle as we get older... eggs are always good and I sometimes do a scrambled eggs on toast for dinner and mix in some veggies with it.  

Do you have an interests in music or movies ER and Paws?  The photography sounds like a fabulous interest.  I watched All That Jazz the other night but wasn't thrilled by it - I thought Sweet Charity & Chicago are much better!  

I am so pleased with the painting I purchased recently from the Op Shop of the young woman reading with her small dog and the lovely country view out the window - it's soothing and a bit dream-like - perfect for the bedroom.  I wonder if you enjoy art ER as it kind of goes with photography - looking for a good composition and an eye for detail and beauty.

I hope you are managing OK Paws... we are thinking of you here - let us know how you are going.  I wonder if you are getting this warm weather down where you are?  Sending hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER,

It is still lovely & cool her (mid teens), but we desperately need good soaking rain.  Seeing the BOM winter forecast it doesn't look likely we will get it in this corner of Vic.  ER the sandy soils in WA must make it really hard for the plants to survive without regular rainfall as it must dry out so quickly even the natives which are adapted must still have a failure point.  It is really sad to hear the tall tree forests are suffering, they were some of the loveliest forests I've seen, your description of the cathedral feeling captures them so well.

Having owned 2 Great Danes I can confirm they think they are little lap dogs & they have a habit of trying to fit in places they have no hope of fitting in.  Having said that they are amazingly capable of curling themselves into very small balls.  Huskies & other sledding dogs tend to howl or yodel bark (whoo whoo) rather than regular barking.  

Hanna I've had a thing for curried egg sandwiches at the moment.  Very yum on really fresh bread.  Soup & toasted sandwiches is a nice easy go to, what fillings are you having in yours.

That is sad about your 80 year old friend, I would expect country bowls clubs or church groups to be very good at including people.  Though of course as women tend to live longer than men, perhaps the social side is primarily women & they think he might not feel like he fits in.  You could suggest he check out a local Men's Shed or community centre.  

Hugs

Paws

[blondguy]

Hey hey Paws..Hanna..ER and everyone!

Thankyou Paws for your post and the subject title too...I think?...I am blond and you have confused me lol!

Ive been involved in dog rescue for a long time....Alaskan Malamutes....Husky's (excavators) Lab/Kelpies...the list is endless. 

I noticed you mentioned Great Danes! My  only memory of a Great Dane was when  I was 9 coming home from primary school in Sthn vic and I heard heavy breathing behind me....I looked behind and there was a Great Dane that was looking down at me whilst walking behind me.

Oh my god...It was terrifying at the time...Back in 1970 a dog off the leash was commonplace unfortunately probably due to the ignorant 'she'll be right'' mentality .

After my partner passed away in 2022 (Vicki) at 52..I dont have the same concentration span Paws.

Yet your topic is excellent. Just for myself, I cant cross reference all the various levels of staying well that you have mentioned.....at this time. I find overthinking can be crippling to our mental well being. 

Thankyou Paws and all for the wonderful TLC you provide on these National forums.

my kindest always

Paul

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Paws, Hanna and Paul,

Great to see you Paul. That would have been quite a sight when you were a kid and seeing a Great Dane looking down at you! They are indeed huge dogs. I remember being by a lake when very small and being scared of the Black Swans because they were as tall as me and possibly taller when holding up their neck. They seemed huge to me!

When I was watching the Sitting With Dogs video Paws I could see how the Great Dane on there was kind of huddled up so that you couldn't really gauge his size initially. They really are good at forming into a ball. 

Hanna, I do not watch a lot of movies but enjoy them and I have always been into music. I think I mentioned before that I play guitar and used to write songs at one stage. I've always had an interest in music from all around the world and I think I can say I like pretty much all genres of music, or can at least find examples in each genre that I like. When it comes to movies I like ones that express something about the human condition. They can be on the light and humorous side or more serious. I don't enjoy violent films or ones that feel kind of meaningless. I cry very easily in movies and always have.

Paws, yes the plants here are actually super tough for what is already a bit of a harsh climate and have evolved in these sandy soils. So it is hard seeing them struggle as they are usually hardy. I remember visiting NZ and discovering how the vegetation there is so soft compared to the tough-leaved and often prickly plants here. South Africa has a very similar climate and flora to WA and had very similar climate conditions in recent years where they ran out of water. They have been building desalination plants here in WA where in the past the main water source has been groundwater. The groundwater is not able to replenish so the desalination plants are increasingly providing the supply. 

The evenings are at least cooler now and I could see a sliver of the moon on its way to setting earlier. I love seeing the moon.

Hugs and bye for now,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and Paul and all here

That's two of us that did guitar ER - I did acoustic but now I wish I'd done classical as I love it - but gosh it is so hard!  I've done a bit at home - and previously with my teacher - it sure works the brain cells!  It's a nice thing to be able to play a little though and I liked guitar because it was so portable compared to harp, which basically need two people and a truck to move from place to place!

It's been as hot as a summer day here - I did hear they are predicting this to be the warmest winter on record.  I had to do a heap of paperwork about something so I only got out fairly briefly - plus I am doing a bit-by-bit house clean/tidy/declutter and I got stuck into that as well...

I think the plants get spoiled here compared to out west where it was much drier - mostly they get plenty of humidity sun and rain here except for this summer which has been so hot and dry.  Out west the plants had to be pretty tough to withstand hot dry summers and winters that sometimes snowed.

I remember it snowed in town there one day - I was waiting for a take away coffee and looked over the beautiful park opposite to watch the snowflakes falling - it was dream-like and so beautiful - but I only saw that happen in town once.  There are hardly any trees here which is almost sub-tropical that change their leaf colour in the autumn - I once knew a woman who moved here from the Blue Mountains and she told me although she wa happy here she cried every autumn, because there is no real autumn here and she missed it so much.  

I have several appointments next week and a major grocery shop to do so it's going to be one of those busy weeks... I want to get more of the scratch posts I got kitty as he loved lying in them like a bed - he doesn't use them as a scratch post at all.  

I like the idea of composing songs ER but I would be hopeless at that - I just love listening to other people's songs!  I wish I had that talent.  

I watched Between a Frock and a Hard Place last night, about how they came to make the movie Priscilla Queen of the Desert and it was a lot of fun to watch.  I took the time to chat to the neighbours for a while so I don't look unfriendly, but the smoke while I sit there on the porch with them almost overwhelms me.  I am asthmatic so it's really hard for me to sit where I have to breathe all that in...

The heat's been too much for kitty who has been snoozing for most of the day.  I don't have much news otherwise, it's just been a day where I got some work done etc... and the days seem shorter now we have stopped daylight saving.  

Paul nice to see you here and I like your story about the Great Dane - I've only met a couple face to face and they sure are huge dogs!  I think on Sitting with Dogs he did a little dog the other day for a change.  

Sorry I don't have much news... but the house looks neater and tidier and I have a couple of bags of unwanted clothes/bedlinen etc to take to the Op Shop, so I feel happy I've got something useful done.

Do you have any favourite movies ER or anyone?  I think I'd have trouble picking any - I did love Maudie, about a disabled woman artist in Canada, that was just fabulous.  I also love Terms of Endearment which is an old one with Jack Nicholson but still makes me laugh.  

Paws I hope you are travelling as well as can be expected.... thinking of you and your family.

Apologies I don't have more interesting news but saying hello at least as it's always nice to see everyone here!  

[Paw Prints]

Hello Paul. ER, Hanna, wave to everyone,

Paul when I started this thread I had been getting different messages from different mh teams during my mh hospital stints & after care, some which I found (& still find) very bewildering.  Especially those who kept telling I would be fine & back to my old self in no time.  My old self was never fine, I simply tried to exist.  It made me wonder what or if other people had a set goal in mind or if they just tried their best each day. 

I've been following a series of short articles (Staying Upright) by Julia Baird on the ABC news site these past few weeks where she looks at what ways people find that help them to keep going (rather than all the current hype about trying to be happy).  How simple things like finding awe in nature can help motivate people. 

It must be hard having lost your partner Vicki at such a young age.  I don't believe there is a timeline for grief or that we ever get over it.  I hope though you have reached a point where rather than the sense of loss being all you feel when you think of her, you are now more able to remember & feel the love & laughter the two of you shared when you think of her.  

I had to chuckle at your story of the Great Dane looming over your younger you.  I had a similar experience, but it started a lifelong love of the breed.  Having something so big being so gentle & friendly stole my heart, rather like the milkman's Clydesdale did back when we used to get milk delivered. (No I wasn't meant to be up, nor outside so early, but how could I resist)

Hanna I have a very eclectic taste when it comes to music, I don't have a favourite genre.  I tend to like a particular version of a piece by a particular artist rather than liking simply any version of the song/music.  I'm not really a movie buff either. I have to be in the mood to watch a movie & usually prefer a documentary or re-watching an old tv series I like.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Hanna, Paul and All,

Hanna, off the top of my head I have enjoyed movies set in remote and wild locations. Two that come to mind are The Story of the Weeping Camel and Cave of the Yellow Dog, both set in Mongolia and telling stories about the lives of nomadic herders. It is part of the world I would love to visit. I think I am a wild person at heart and I am drawn to wildness, living with the elements and vast open spaces. What is so amazing in Mongolia is tiny children learn to ride and handle horses and are doing things way beyond what a child of the same age gets to do in our society. I love the practical skills they learn so early and wish I could have had more of that life rather than going to school and sitting at a desk! Of course kids in Mongolia do formal education now and many do move to the city, so things are changing there too. But it’s movies like that that I love. I like seeing beautiful cinematography too. I remember you mentioning the movie Maudie before and it sounds like a lovely film. Between Frock and a Hard Place sounds like it would have been great fun too.

Paws, I’ve been forgetting to look at Julia Baird’s articles so will have a read. That experience of awe is an essential component of my mental well being. It has sustained me so much. It is the reason I love watching films about places like Mongolia. The landscape is vast and awe inspiring. I find those places spiritual and magical. I am not religious but I do feel spiritual and I’ve realised awe is a central part of that. Ineffable is a word that comes to mind which I think refers to those things/experiences that are beyond being able to be fully expressed in words. They are more about feeling and sensing.

Paul do you have any pets at the moment? It sounds like you are definitely a dog person. I enjoy watching The Dog House Australia and the UK version of the same show where they match up people with a rescue dog. They are such nice people on the show and it’s lovely seeing the dogs finding a new home. Did you do something similar with dog rescue?

I have just lit a candle as the power is out now and I’m hoping it comes on again soon so I can heat last night’s leftovers for dinner.

Wishing you all a good week ahead,

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER - waves to everyone

Sorry you seem to have been there not replied to for quite a while... today was busy with a major grocery shop and I had a visitor this afternoon.  It's been incredibly hot, like mid-summer, and then we finally had a thunderstorm late this afternoon which has cooled things down at last!  What a relief..

I know the name of the Weeping Camel movie and I know I saw it sometime long ago, I must try to find it again - I don't know the other one at all.  It sounds like you enjoy films in nature - I have ordered a video of a man who used to live with bears in Alaska so that might be interesting!  One of my favourite documentaries is called How to Change the World, about Greenpeace.  Those young people were so brave the way they put their tiny vessels in between the whales and the huge Russian whaling ships - and the ships sometimes tried to destroy the Greenpeace boats, so it was genuinely very dangerous.  I really admired those people and what they stood for!

It's strange how the weather changes in different areas - I was talking with a friend in Sydney and she said today was chilly there - here it was baking hot - she got no thunderstorm and we got a huge one.  Kitty is terrified of storms and has hidden somewhere in the bedroom - you'd think he'd be easy to find but goodness knows where he has managed to tuck himself into - some tiny nook or cranny apparently!  I guess he will appear later on this evening when he gets hungry!  I sing to him sometimes and today was singing a lovely old Scottish ballad about the purple heather (I have Scottish family roots) and he adored it - he crawls into my lap and purrs - it's definitely not my singing though - I think he just finds the song calming.

Nights like this are a hot-soup-and-toasted-sandwich night for dinner - and something good to watch afterwards!  I'll have a dig through my movie collection.  I had a lovely chat with an old friend out west as well, so today has flown by.

I wonder if you would enjoy the BBC nature documentaries with David Attenborough?  They always seem to produce superb documentaries about nature and animals.  Did you ever watch Tracks, the movie about the girl who walked with her camels across Australia - that was superb.

I will have to look up those Julia Baird articles they do sound interesting.  I had a difficult mother and am reading a book titled Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward and it's superb- unfortunately I can relate to so much of what she writes about, but it's good to hear the experiences of others she talks about.

Do you follow any good websites on Utube or the internet generally?  I follow a couple of Australian ones and one American one where the woman often posts some lovely wildlife photos - I would love to see parts of the US and Canada.  

I hope you have had a pleasant day today - more later on - I am going to have a nice hot herbal cuppa and watch the news for a while.. it's been nice to have the storm and rain to clear the air, it was oppressive today until the storm broke and now it's lovely.

Paws and Paul I hope you are all managing OK and sending warmest wishes and waves to you.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna, Paws, Paul and All,

It is so lovely that you sing to kitty and he loves it. I'm so glad that he has a home with you and you have him.

I do enjoy David Attenborough documentaries. The other day though I was switching channels and came across one that was on that he was narrating. There was a scene where a male monkey stole a baby from her mother to try to gain power in the group. He wasn't harming the baby in the bit I saw but it was distressing the baby and mother, so I had to switch channels again because it was too much for me! So I do enjoy those documentaries but sometimes some creatures in the animal world do some mean things just like us humans can do. But generally I love nature documentaries and films where nature is a central part of it. And, yes, I have seen the Tracks movie. I agree, it was excellent.

I'm glad things have cooled down again with the thunderstorm. Poor kitty with his fear of the storms. I remember one of the dogs I used to live with was terrified of them. I lived in a granny flat at the time and the two dogs there belonged to the landlords but spent a lot of time with me. On one particular night the rain was pelting on the metal roof which was extremely loud. The boy doggy started trembling, poor thing. The girl doggy though was totally fine and relaxing on the couch. Later, after I had gone to bed, I started feeling my bed move like there was an earth tremor. I thought that's weird. I looked under my bed and there was this little face of the boy doggy looking up at me. He obviously felt safer under there. He was such a gentle soul. One day I hit my knee on the table quite hard by accident and said "Ow!". It gave him such a fright he had to run outside. At the beach his sister would run into the ocean and swim in the big waves without hesitation, while he would stay on the shore and bark. It is amazing how different their personalities can be. I loved them both to bits and have a photo of them on my fridge at the moment.

I do follow quite a few YouTube channels, especially photography ones but also some music ones and I like animal ones too. If I need to learn how to fix something I usually find there is a YouTube video on how to do it!

I must go to bed now. You are probably there already where you are. Sweet dreams to you and kitty and anyone else reading.

Hugs,

ER