Lost the plot

[Jt87]

So after 8 months of sobriety. Last Tuesday I slipped and had a flask of Vodka at Lunch Time as my work load and some conflict got to me, My employers were told by a colleague and gave me a letter 3 days ago, asking for a meeting to discuss some concerns colleagues had, which completely pushed me over the edge... I wound up leaving at lunch on the day of the meeting (3:30pm Friday), getting completely wasted and coming back getting sent home in a taxi by my boss (which he paid for), although I didn't go home I went to a pub near my house, so when my employer didn't get a message saying I'd got home safely him and his wife called me 9 times. I didn't hear my phone, they wound up calling my parents to find out if I was still alive. I went home and my best friend and parents called the cops and I spent the night in hospital under suicide watch and freaking out about losing my job (I have no coping skills for this sort of thing). So on Sunday the employer called me and rescheduled the meeting to next Monday (8 days away, as the hospital gave me a certificate for a week). I feel incredibly stressed, I'm in Australia, and If I lose this job, I might lose everything. It was a stupid decision on the Tuesday days ago, but losing it on the Friday resulted in a mess with everyone concerned about me.
I was just going to lay it all on the table next Monday and explain my depression and anxiety, and how I am now on more meds and more frequent counselling, but I don't know what the best plan of attack is.

I have a letter from my GP and My Psychologist outlining that i am now receiving additional help in both departments, how I have struggled for years and how they know I am trying to get better. My boss has always been quite understanding and easy to talk to. I mean I imagine that if this had been it they wouldn't have rescheduled the meeting to the following Monday they would have canned me on the spot.

I just don't know what the best course of action is at this point. I want to improve, this was a one off and I will never let it happen again. I am seeking help for coping mechanisms and I am on anti anxiety and anti alcohol meds now (even though I am not an alcoholic. I just abuse it when I start drinking due to depression and make bad decisions because of unfounded guilt I have).

[Quercus]

Hello JT87 and welcome to the forums,

Sorry you had to wait for a reply.

You've had a very rough few weeks. How are you holding up?

I wonder have you spoken to your GP or psychologist about whether attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting would help you? You said you don't feel you have a problem with alcohol but I do wonder would listening from others what they have learned to do to survive difficult times (rather than drown in booze) help you?

I agree your idea of being upfront with your boss sounds a solid idea. I did the same not long ago. As much as we feel vulnerable doing so the reality is bosses are people too. Some respond badly and others show empathy and compassion as much as they can.

Yes at times we lose the plot. Badly at times. And we upset and worry others. But I'm learning what is important is owning what happened and showing people you are trying to help yourself.

If you imagine yourself in your bosses shoes what do you think he would he want? An apology for the worry he and his wife felt sounds good. Assurance you are committed to seeking medical attention and support is another. But is it enough? What else can you think of that you can realistically achieve?

At heart I believe people need trust. Your colleague in some ways was right to report you drinking at lunch. Perhaps the initial meeting was out of concern for your wellbeing? I obviously have no idea what your job is, but if you being intoxicated put yourself or others in danger this is their duty of care to manage. Not to mention the issue of driving home drunk.

Problems at work don't always mean being fired. A good employer realises we are all make mistakes. It is how we respond afterwards that shows whether we are worth investing in from a business point of view.

That's my point within all my waffle really....

How can you demonstrate to your boss that faults and all you are a good employee worth investing in?

Consider what you need to feel better at work so you don't need to drink in future? Training? Better conflict resolution systems at work? Open communication (being told you have to attend a meeting and not knowing what it is regarding is very stressful).

I'm waffling again sorry.

I would love to hear more from you when you feel able.

Please remember when you feel very low... We all make mistakes. It's not always the catastrophe our anxiety makes it into. If I can empathise I'm sure others will too.

Please take good care of yourself.

Nat

[Jt87]

Thank you,

So, after a week off, my boss wants me to come in at 9am on Monday. He didn't give me any other details.
I
have a letter I wrote outlining my feelings and apologising, I have a
letter from my GP outlining several years of Anxiety treatment and very
occasional alcohol use, and that he has put me back on meds; and I have a
letter from my psychologist outlining her years of CBT treatment, and
the fact we will be increasing our sessions. All of the letters state
that I have sought additional help through another counselling source
(which I have, and have joined already), as I really want to keep this
job, and improve my mental health, and stop feeling as stressed as I do.
I am hoping that going the honest route will help, as he is a decent
boss, and I do have diagnosed mental health disorders that I want to at
least reduce the impact on my life, even if I can never eliminate them. I
really hope Monday goes well

[Quercus]

Hi JT87 and thanks for returning and sharing an update of what's happening.

It might sound silly but new members returning is such a rewarding feeling. Often we don't ever find out how people are. So thank you.

Having those letters is such a good idea. Have you considered emailling them prior to Monday so your boss can see you have been actively trying to help yourself. At least then he will have read them and thought about them before the meeting and also seen that you are apologetic but also taking responsibility for yourself.

What do you think?

Good luck for Monday. I truly hope your instinct is right and your boss is one of the good ones.

Also would it help you to prepare for a worst case argument or would that trigger your anxiety too much?

For example being prepared with what you will ask if your boss does bring up ending your employment. Such as asking what would you need from me in order to reconsider this decision? Will you consider a performance management period instead? Questions that show how much you value your job and also allow you to be prepared and fight for your job.

It is an activity that could be triggering and you know whetger it would help you or not. Personally, I wouldn't go deeply into it. Just a few questions written down for yourself so you are prepared. When I'm upset I can never think at the moment so something like this would make me a little calmer.

I hope Monday comes quickly for you and the wait isn't too difficult.

If you feel like sharing how it goes we are listening and supportive regardless of what happens. I'm hoping for the best though.

Nat

[Jt87]

Thank you,

He won't check his emails before Monday, and I will be in before him.

He has always been fairly easy to talk to and laid back, there is a little bit of a culture of going out after work from time to time (which I don't).

After the Friday which I spent in Hospital the tone of the conversation changed from "letters and meetings" to informal "get well's".

I received an email from his PA saying to come in at 9 would be fine. I then asked if I should bring anything and she said "no".

So My plan is to go in with the letter from my GP, My Psych, Myself and apologise for my behaviour and explain that I suffer from panic attacks, that I am now receiving additional help from PsychMed in SA, as well as the fact my GP has increased my Antidepressants and I will be receiving more frequent Psychological visits (Cognitive-based therapy approaches).

I'll also point out that it is a one off and with all the additional help, it will not happen again and that this should all prove I want to get better (which I do).

My contract also would have allowed immediate termination if they had wanted to go that way, so I am taking that they want me to come in, I haven't received a letter and they don't want me to bring anything as a sign they want to talk.

Thank you

[Quercus]

All good signs then really for a positive resolution. Maybe you'll brainstorm ways to reduce the stress you were feeling at work too.

It sounds like you're all organised... Maybe now it's time to enjoy your weekend and take some time out to care for yourself. What sort of things do you feel recharged after doing?

Good luck Monday 😊

[Jt87]

I run, I swim, I play guitar. At this point there is no point working myself into a frenzy over something beyond my control.

Thank you so much for your words, they have meant more than you know.

[Jt87]

They let me go. But he let me resign on my own terns and offered to be a reference

[Quercus]

Bloody hell I wasn't expecting that.

How are you holding up?

I don't really know what to say. Resignation and a reference is kind but you mentioned earlier you need the employment. What does this mean for you?

Have you got anyone offline apart from your medical team who can support you today?

I hope you are alright.

[Jt87]

I'm fine.

My dad is retired and I'm just spending time with him. I get paid out, so I'll have a couple of months covered.

I'll just have to relax today and focus on updating my resume and starting job searching tomorrow.

Thank you for everything.