Small Business Owners

25 years of failing relationship but feel stuck

replies: 5

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from aband... View more

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from abandonment issues as he was foster child at age 4. In beginning I felt was my responsibility to help him overcome his fears & make him happy, which ended up in my enabling his behaviour in particular with all his addictions, gambling drugs etc etc. he had major episode with a highly addictive drug for 4 years but overcame this addiction 4 years ago. Things became a lot better but still addiction is an issue with another drug. Long story short I moved out beginning of year for 3 months & moved back in because he passed drug tests & did ten hypnotherapy sessions to help him with his childhood issues. 4 months later & he has been back to using drugs, though considerably reduced use I’m still very angry & frustrated as that deal breaker for me. I’ve asked him to do a drug test which he keeps informing me he can’t pass. He promises in 2-3 weeks he will do one then get there says he needs another few weeks & so on. I am now so angry that being around him is difficult and I can no longer even communicate with him. now I’m back to thinking all time of breaking up and having thoughts to end our relationship & business. not sure what advice im even after just a chat I suppose. I don’t like bringing it up with my family as I know it’s difficult for them thanks

Small Business Owner

replies: 10

I own a business and my anxiety levels are up and down and up and down and although I can immerse myself in work during the day I don't sleep at night and worry all the time. Financially we are struggling and I am scared we will lose everything. If i... View more

I own a business and my anxiety levels are up and down and up and down and although I can immerse myself in work during the day I don't sleep at night and worry all the time. Financially we are struggling and I am scared we will lose everything. If it wasn't for my kids and grandkids I may not be here it has felt so bad. I know all the ways to cope and sometimes I'm ok but it's a real effort. On the outside I seem ok. I wish someone would come to me to help with finances. I need to be rescued, I can't do it myself. I just want an angel to pop up with an answer.

Are there any Business owners out there experiencing work induced anxiety

replies: 10

I would like to know if there are any other business owners out there who are finding it tough and suffering daily with the anxiety of the stress, responsibility and unknowns of being the boss. Its worn me down and my anxiety has grown to the point o... View more

I would like to know if there are any other business owners out there who are finding it tough and suffering daily with the anxiety of the stress, responsibility and unknowns of being the boss. Its worn me down and my anxiety has grown to the point of debilitation. I don’t enjoy going in to work in the morning. Whilst I don’t wish anyone to be in my position it would be comforting to hear from anyone else in the same situation and to know I’m not alone. Any coping strategies would be welcome from anyone who reads this as well.

My husband has a short fuse and seems to blame me for everything

replies: 3

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be ver... View more

Hello, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me. My husband has a very short fuse, gets angry easily and seems to blame me for everything. It's making me very depressed and somewhat anxious. We have 3 young children and run a business. He can be very short and easily triggered by customers who may annoy him or do the wrong thing (in his eyes). The last straw for me is today when he made a time to pick up a wardrobe an hour away, but it happened to be the same time I have an appointment (which I had made weeks in advance). One of us need to stay at the business and can't be away at the same time. He did not check with me whether the time was OK before he arranged the pick up. When I told him it coincided with my appointment, he got angry, blamed me for "always having things on" and told me that I should just make all my appointments on the one day. I don't always have things on, it's a total exaggeration. We have a new house that we are trying to furnish and he told me that I'll just have a house without furniture now and I'll have to source everything and pick it up myself. I feel this is a total overreaction, totally unfair. He always twists things around to be my fault, somehow and then he's just plain nasty. This is just one example of many of these situations. I don't want my marriage to end, but he's had counselling over his anger and it never seems to do anything. My friend said it sounds like he's gaslighting me, but I don't know if that's so. I am independent and capable of looking after myself and I don't feel it's effecting my self esteem, just making me upset and somewhat depressed and frustrated. I don't want my marriage to end but I'm really at my wits end. We have a nearly 5 year old and 3 year old twins who would be devastated if we separated, not to mention having to work out what to do with our business. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there a better way for me to deal with these situations? He just becomes totally irrational and I just end up leaving him in peace as I can't deal with him at the time. Thanks, Sam.

Feeling lost, alone and unsupported, despite having an amazing family

replies: 7

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my... View more

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my life together. I run my own consulting business, my clients love me and the results I get for them, I make decent money from my business, overheads are low. I've got some great business mentors that support me a lot in growing my business, they're so encouraging and give me great feedback and ideas on how to do things better. At home it's a different story. My wife works as well and we have two kids. We both chip in with looking after the kids but let's not kid anyone, she does the lions share and does a great job balancing her work and keeping our home running. So what's my problem? Well generally I really care not at all what people think, the problem is I love my wife and consequently care a lot about what she thinks. My consulting business is only a year old so still has growing pains and there's so much to do, I work most days whether directly (as in with clients) or working on the business planning and systems. Like any business owner, I think they'll all agree, it's a hard slog, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The one person in my life that I'm close to I want that person to support me and encourage me in what I'm doing, I'm doing it for us, our family. Unfortunately I don't feel I get that. We've been together about 20yrs and it's just not what it was. I don't sleep well. Especially since starting my own business, consequently we rarely sleep in the same bed anymore, it seems as time goes by there's less and less we do together. I try and make time for us to do things together but invariably she doesn't have time (honestly I'm starting to resent the family dog, it gets an hour and a half of her time a day - more than me), or she doesn't feel well. I'm finding more and more I'd rather be alone or with clients as both of those make me happier than being at home. I feel like as the years go by we're strangers who exist in the same space together. I find I get frustrated a lot at home and so I often just get up and leave, before it escalates, I know my wife hates it when that happens but the way I feel at the time, it's for the best for everyone. Sorry for the long post.

Alcohol and Drug Addiction

replies: 3

Male 59 years old. Own business. Entertainment Industry Work is 24/7 Divorced two years ago. No kids. Now drowning in debt.New partner lives with me. Same vintage IT world 3 grown kids 29 30 33 all stable. Becoming her alcohol fuelled ex. I have been... View more

Male 59 years old. Own business. Entertainment Industry Work is 24/7 Divorced two years ago. No kids. Now drowning in debt.New partner lives with me. Same vintage IT world 3 grown kids 29 30 33 all stable. Becoming her alcohol fuelled ex. I have been intimidating angry frightening and worse. Alienating her more every day. Sick of me bitching about work, staff constantly.We don't have conversations anymore. I drink light beer all the time and abuse drugs. She does drugs too but only when I do. Way too much. We never go out together. She goes where and when she likes. Her kids, gym, dinners with girlfriends. I'm always asking what is happening when will she be home long text messages. Borderline out the door. Every day argue about something. Pushing her away and using business cash to finance habits. Cant afford rehab as no phones laptops etc allowed. No self discipline except business Have great shrink but out that door start again. She will start looking for her own place and internet dating again. I will lose it. I am a Disaster waiting to happen Tried AA years ago Flying solo. No support No advice No discipline Only a matter of time business cash flow dies. ATO and finance liquidate me into the gutter Combination of drugs and alcohol to sleep. Or stay awake all night doing admin etc could be done during day if not at pub Doing this tonight instead. She came back from 2 days away for work. Not a civil word spoken Went to bed. Will get to gym in the morning and it will still be going Shrink appointment tomorrow Maybe will help venting. Vicious circle

Common, long term consequences of depression

replies: 15

been feeding the black dog for 5 years now. I have read threads here describing withdrawing from friends, work, life in general. I have done all of these .....not opening mail, paying bills when they come to turn off power, or arrest me. I have just ... View more

been feeding the black dog for 5 years now. I have read threads here describing withdrawing from friends, work, life in general. I have done all of these .....not opening mail, paying bills when they come to turn off power, or arrest me. I have just been waiting for everything to implode, but surprisingly, it still hasn't. Now, I am so far behind in all my financial obligations, I don't know how to start getting back on track. I am 5 years behind in tax (personal &my business). Paperwork is not computerised, so I don't even know where the invoices, receipts etc are amongst the rubble. A misunderstanding with phone co has resulted in my landline being disconnected on 23/12...I have paid bills (yay direct debit) but I signed up for an NBN/phone package but did not connect it as it does not suit my needs in a remote area. Now sick of begging Indians to reconnect my landline at work, so no bookings. Fortuitous, as on Boxing Day, I awoke in excruciating pain. CT : slipped disc at C6. Dr. Google says no easy fix, I have read 100s of posts about this, it seems that regardless of treatment route, I will be in pain for the rest of my life. I have accepted this but without work, I can't afford to get specialist referrals etc, (I have paid private health for >16yrs...almost $50k!!! Doesn't cover that??) 1 good thing, This has been my first total 'holiday' from high stress/emotional job in 15yrs. As a small business owner, I am not able to get sick pay. Centrelink won't pay unless my tax is up to date IF I DID qualify for disability support. I support my 16 yo son (wants transport now he has his learners but no $$) I have never received a cent of child support, his father lives locally and is here daily for meals etc, which I felt was a good thing for my son, but I am angry that I have been supporting him also. I know things can't continue like this. But I am scared of making life decisions while in this black hole. I think baby steps are the only way to start to improve our situation (there is much, much more to our story, who wouldn't be depressed??) but it is almost impossible to take even baby steps. I am still putting things on the back burner as a coping strategy to forget problems. Of course they are still there (& worse) the next morning. I KNOW all this but I just can't take a baby step. Sorry for rambling. (Big sigh, feels bit better tho) Is there any free agencies to help sort out financial problems/paperwork? How have others gotten back on track?

Business Owner with Social Anxiety / Blushing

replies: 3

For as long as I can remember I have always been that little shy. It wasn't until my mid year high school that a girl decided to point out how red I would go during certain situations. Ever since that it has been on my mind. Many years past & I have ... View more

For as long as I can remember I have always been that little shy. It wasn't until my mid year high school that a girl decided to point out how red I would go during certain situations. Ever since that it has been on my mind. Many years past & I have had my confidence days, partying getting drunk & not getting to bed until 6am Sunday morning. Many relationships they come & go you live & learn. When 20 I was starting to feel lost, Melb hit a recession I lost my job & things as a apprentice was hard. I became more irresponsible & was going out constantly. I met my current partner shortly after which brought my feet to level ground again. (Partying was still going on) I became qualified in my trade when I was 22 & had worked in many leading roles. Decided I want to try my own sub contracting for a while.I then felt very unsatisfied I became very self aware & blushing became a very big problem. Any situation social or not, apart from work. I took a rushed decision to have an operation to rid my blushing,which has not improved. (Great life choice there) The partner says I have stopped being so flushed & now it's more in my head. After operation I shortly went traveling for 9 months this was a thing I needed to do for myself, I felt I was going though a very early mid life crisis.I found myself being social & loving life again with fewer blushing moments (I guess having no responsibility does that). Once returned I felt confident & pushed myself to go out & try different places around Melb.I have recently been dwelling on work again & life in general with some bad luck in running my own business which has caused stress/depression to appear & social anxiety to rear its ugly head in a worst way than it ever has before.i have lost all focus on the company & my social life is in a dark hole. I stress about social events in advance.. Even the family dinners I will make excuses for. I still have a caring partner which knows about everything but admits she doesn't understand what im going though. She has a social life but I do wonder when the time will come were she will have had enough. (I don't blame her) Keeping that in mind I want to work on myself to better my life which will In turn better her life also. So im throwing this all out there.I have tried hypnosis & found it worked but was so expensive I could not afford to keep going. So here for help & guidance in getting my life back,goals and to just have that smile again that use to catch people eyes.

Married but Alone

replies: 18

This is my first time using this outlet so please bear with me. I have been married for 9 years and our lives are entrenched because we own a business together. Earlier this year, I discovered, by accident, some emails between him and a mutual friend... View more

This is my first time using this outlet so please bear with me. I have been married for 9 years and our lives are entrenched because we own a business together. Earlier this year, I discovered, by accident, some emails between him and a mutual friend. He shared personal things about our relationship with her. I was furious. He calmed me down and explained that she was a good friend and nothing more. He said that he loved her but as a friend and he needed to maintain his friendship with her to have some balance in life. Now things have become more serious. He has another confidante Miss X with whom he smses morning, noon and night. She is overseas and he has not met her yet. He has his mobile phone with him all the time. His excuse is that I have pushed him away for 3 years and drove him to this. I do not believe that we had not been intimate for 3 years. It is very unlikely but he says that this is the case. I explained that I have been going through that symptoms of being on the Pill and Perimenopause. He does not believe me and thinks that I am using this as an excuse. He is now stressed and depressed because he does not know what to do. I have been a loyal, caring wife and we have a business together so he needs me here. However, Miss X is also important to him and he does not feel stressed smsing her. I have told him exactly how I feel and asked for another chance to be a wife to him. He says that I have been controlling and not grateful for the life that I have. It is not that I am ungrateful. What I keep asking for is to do couple things. All we communicate about is about the business, AFL and extended family issues. So nowadays, I just do what I have to do with the house and business. He says that I am driving him crazy by asking questions. From Saturday, I have not mentioned Miss X at all. I know that it has only been 4 days but I think that I have done well. I am in limbo at the moment. Do not know where this will end. I do not want him to be with me because of obligation but I know that that is one of the factors. I gave up my country, family, friends to come here to start my life here with him. I trusted him and believed that it will be forever. I guess I was naive. We still talk and on some nights, we are intimate. I am trying to be a good wife to him. He says that he needs a holiday so he is going on one. He is going to do a course but I am pretty sure that he will meet her as it is the same country. I am so lonely and just needed to write.

3 kid's a small business and a partner

replies: 3

Hey guys i am a 25 year old with 3 kids and a partner i suffer anxiety with ocd compulsive worries and thoughts which my partner is there 100%.......who is there when you need support and feel alone like life is so hard closing in on you and you feel... View more

Hey guys i am a 25 year old with 3 kids and a partner i suffer anxiety with ocd compulsive worries and thoughts which my partner is there 100%.......who is there when you need support and feel alone like life is so hard closing in on you and you feel you cant share this with your partner as you see her life is way harder then mine she is home with children all day..... 5...4...2 thats how old they are amd yet i feel like i am trapped in a box i love her and my kids so so deeply but i am a short and snappy person since my friend anxiety devoloped as i am getting older i feel i want things......hobbies.....more money....anything and i am feeling more and more controlled by my partner and i dont know what to do something inside makes me feel more and more stress the more i am controlled yet in life you can't just do what you want when you want.....kids come first but i have no male friends to talk to about life i am a tradie a manly man and i feel like life is getting so hard but i cant share this with my wife as i feel so selfish how do you cope with this feeling please help

Small Business Owners

25 years of failing relationship but feel stuck replies: 5

Small Business Owner replies: 10

Are there any Business owners out there experiencing work induced anxiety replies: 10

My husband has a short fuse and seems to blame me for everything replies: 3

Feeling lost, alone and unsupported, despite having an amazing family replies: 7

Alcohol and Drug Addiction replies: 3

Common, long term consequences of depression replies: 15

Business Owner with Social Anxiety / Blushing replies: 3

Married but Alone replies: 18

3 kid's a small business and a partner replies: 3