When to tell you’re wife you’r gay 🤨

[Happy_Man]

Just been reading these posts and thought, why not!

I am so in love with the mother of my children, she is my best friend and a wonderful Mum/wife/friend.

I need to tell her I am gay. Over the past 2+ years I have been struggerling with my sexuality most of the time and since I was a teenager. I have been with guys before I got married in the younger days, met the lady of my dreams and married/kids/dog etc.

How did anyone tell the wife? I have an amazing family who will support me and my wife but how did you tell?

I want to find the easiest way to break someone’s heart......

thanks for listening👍🏼

[Happy_Man]

Hi Sez, so it happened last night. Biggest challenge of my life. I have broken her heart. I have been up all night and she took it badly. I didn’t want her to fall and hurt herself so I just sat being abused. I have just left the house at her request because the site of me makes her want to vomit.

Anyone reading this, don’t underestimate the challenge but already the rewards! I have had family contact me offering bed/ I have had no one bad reaction other than my wife. She is angry and I know this. I am lucky enough I can jump on a plane to just remove myself until she is ready.

Thanks again for all your support, I read over these last night before I spoke

happy man

[Jersie82]

Hi Happy Man

I came to the forum for the exact same advise. I want you to know I think you're incredibly courageous and im so happy that you have already found support at a time where you probably most need it too.

This has been such an overwhelming battle for me the past (decade really) but few months more so. I've been talking to a guy who has been through a similar journey and has offered to "mentor" me through this.

The guilt I am feeling is so huge! Am I selfish? Am I wrong? Have I just wasted a great portion of her life?

Good luck to you. I hope your journey from here is amazing. Please, if you're willing, keep us informed.

[Happy_Man]

Hi guys, just an update. My wife and I spoke last night about for about 10 mins, no yelling no shouting. I just let her have the mic and she spoke about her feelings and the future etc. I said to her one day at a time. Before I left I had told her that my phone would be on and she could call anytime if she needed it. She thanked me for answering the phone last night and we agreed communication even as hard as it is must be maintained. She told me she still loved me and I told her I still love her. She wished me good night before hanging up.

communication communication

we have been a team for 17 yrs and we will always be a team just not in the old way. She raised $$, and as I said my family ( including her) will never need for anything.

Have a great weekend 😎

Happy Man

[C4]

Hi mate I did the same thing 9 months ago so I know what your going through and I teared up reading it as it brought back that night for me and it will be sad for a while and my wife now forgives me but there is still that guilt inside but not as much you will move forward at a day at a time I’m still getting used to it and learning to accept myself your wife will move on given time and maybe it was a white lie to her but you suffered longer I wish you well and good luck mate 👍

[Happy_Man]

Weekend update- Wow! What an emotional roller coaster. My wife caught me balling my eyes out in my shed this afternoon, I just need some space and my shed is my shed, she walk past looked said nothing. I jumped up went and got the pool toys out and got the pool ready for arvo fun. Standing at the filter I turned around to find my wife next to me, she said she didn’t mean to add stress to the situation and she knows it’s tough for me. She walked away. Later tonight I was in the study doing some work she came in behind me and pulled the chair out and asked for a hug. We held each other for a min and she cried and we held each really tight. She left the room and I collapsed in emotion, how could this lady came and hug the man who ripped her heart apart a Few nights a go. My son walked in and asked me why I was crying and I said I was just sad/happy. He looked at me and said “it’s good to cry dad, I feel better too”.

Another day done, one day at a time 👍🏼

[C4]

Hi I was reading this post and I brought back all the feelings that I went through and still are going through. She may still be hurting but she still managed to give you a hug. It’s a big step considering your lives have been turned upside down. In time you will get over the guilt and shame and she will eventually forgive you but it’s one day at a time 👍

[Just Sara]

Hi HM;

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you; been in a bit of a slump. It's great to see you're over the first obstacle even though it was distressing for both of you. It's also wonderful you're now communicating from a reality perspective instead of just emotionally.

I'm so proud of you for letting her speak her mind. As angry and disconnected as she was, it took real love, guts and empathy to allow her that space. Congrat's..

17 yrs of love doesn't disappear overnight. It seems your humility and integrity has paid off. The support you're receiving from family's amazing and yes, a reward for being true to yourself. I'm so glad you have this in your life.

Your son sounds just as beautiful as you; what a wonderful expression of empathy. How proud you must be of him.

No doubt there'll be more tears, but you now have that frightening disclosure behind you once and for all. Thankyou for keeping in touch and look forward to hearing more.

'Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth'

Take a knee happy man; give thanks for small mercies.

Warm thoughts;

Sez (hug)

[Happy_Man]

It’s been a while, and a bloody long journey. I accept who I am but how do I forgive myself. Talking with my wife yesterday, she has out what I told her behind her and she has told me I need to give myself a break. She’s can see how much this is affecting me and has said until I forgive myself, I won’t move forward. ??

[Just Sara]

Hey Happy Man; great to see you back.

Ah yes, guilt! Part of the process before moving on.

Guilt - a feeling of responsibility or remorse for a wrong doing; whether real or imagined.

Hmm..wrong doing. What is it you've done wrong? Because the way I see it, you've done everything right! You were sensitive to your wife's needs when telling her your truth. You've been patient and caring towards others and been accepting and grateful for their understanding. You've owned your truth and were brave enough to risk losing people for it, but you haven't.

So is it fear of the unknown? Maybe you're scared and have been thinking about going back to the way things were, then realising you can't because your truth's out there and can't be un-said. Everything's different; choices are different.

Please ponder these thoughts ok. Because maybe it isn't guilt at all, maybe it's remorse because you're scared of moving forward and having to start over again.

Take care hun;

Sez x

[C4]

Hi mate I agree with you I’ve accepted myself finally but I feel the guilt too maybe it’s not what I’ve done to my wife but guilt about me being gay . I know there’s nothing wrong with it but sometimes I think why me . My wife has moved on she’s got a new man and moved in with him and sometimes I think it’s a knife to my heart . I have to think of me now as you will too and forgiving yourself self is the first step to healing the soul. For me it’s still a process but I’m getting there and I’ll come out the other end as will you . Someone said once if you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best and it’s true. All the best my friend you’ll be ok 👍