i cant get out of this hole

[jim]

hey everyone, wow where to begin so i am a 33 y/o gay male who has deppression and anxiey i've been reading some peoples problems and i think wow i dont even come close to theres but yet i cant seem to snap out of it i wake up everyday and it just seems to get worse i am on daily meds witch im sure is making me feel worse but my doctor says give them time its been 5 months surely some change would be going on. i should be happpy i have every thing i could ask for a boyfriend who loves me a roof over my head food in my belly no job tho but i look every day with no luck, this feeling of overwelmeing just keeps growing its getting to the point where im feeling like offing myself just to stop feeling this way and i have no idea why im feeling this way i know that my problems are minute copaired to some but i just needed to talk to people who have the same issues as i have no friends because of some issues ive had in the past they have all just up and left me witch im sure is my fault hopefuly somone out there understands and can just have a chat with me

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[laura86]

Hi Jim,

Thank you for sharing your story with us on the forums. Trust me there are so many people here who can relate to how you're feeling!

I know that there are people with really big problems out there but that doesn't mean you should be sorry for being depressed. It's not something you chose, it's not something you want- it's just the way you feel. Depression, anxiety etc are illnesses and sometimes that black cloud hangs over us for what seems like no 'good' reason. And you're right, it is overwhelming! It's horrible to wake up every day feeling that emptiness and anxiety. 

I felt like I lost all my friends too and after speaking about this on the BB forums I realised that again, I was not alone in this. But at least you can know that you're not alone here because we'll all support you in whatever you go through.

You mentioned you were looking for work- that in itself is a stressor for many people! I know when I was looking for work I felt unmotivated and hopeless. I ended up forcing myself to apply for 5 jobs every day and I did find one after a couple of weeks. If nothing else it means you get to brush up on your interview skills!

In terms of your medication I would seriously have that reviewed either by your doctor or another one. Most people don't get on the right medication the first time and that's part of the process- everyone is individual where treatment is concerned. 

Anyway lovely, let us know how you're going.

Speak soon,

Laura

xx

[Neil_1]

Hi there Jim

Firstly, I’d like to extend a very warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for providing your post.

Secondly, you’re on meds, you know you’ve got a mental health illness (depression and anxiety) – and so from there I say, you have depression – full stop.  You don’t need to ever compare yourself to others and think, “oh gee, should I really be here – or  -  wow, my troubles aren’t nearly as great as so many others”.  Please Jim, don’t think that – in fact, get those thoughts out of your mind.  We don’t compare on this site – and in general, we don’t compare.  We all have the illness and so we’re all battling and just trying to do our best.

Someone new comes here and is seeking support – we’re there for them.  We’re here for you.

I nodded my head when you said, I’m on daily meds and I don’t feel much different – why aren’t I happy now?  I thought the same thing – why isn’t there a medication that when you pop it, you become happy are able to look at life and things so differently.  Unfortunately, while we’re all looking for that kind of thing – there isn’t something like that yet.  Not even the dentist’s happy gas – I thought that would help me at one stage, but alas, all I ended up with was a very big bill.   😞  Ok ok, just jokes there to lighten things up a bit.

BUT, you have said 5 months on the meds, and you feel no better – possibly worse.  Jim, it’s high time to get back to your GP for a medication review.  Perhaps an increase;  or perhaps a change in the type you’re taking.  There’s just so many on the market these days – this could be something to investigate.

I am concerned though where you’ve mentioned about “offing yourself to stop these feelings” – mate, I hope this was just a passing comment, but when I read things like this, my ears prick up on alert.   Now you’ve got a real weird image of me hey?   A laughing gas junkie who got funny ears that flick up like a Doberman Pincher!?!!?  Good times.  🙂

Jim, you’re 33 – you’ve got a great boyfriend who loves you – you’ve got a roof over your head and food on the table.  Keep thinking of these things in the first instance when you consider the “offing” side of things.  Also have you spoken to your boyfriend about these feelings – or just your depression in general?

I want to write more, but I’m thinking my character count is at its limit.

Hope to hear back from you soon.

Neil

[jim]

hey guys, thanks for your replys you have givin me a lot to think about, i went back to my gp and he still thinks i need to give my meds time to work so i am thinking about getting a new doctor the thoughts of offing myself come and go as when i think about that i do think about what i have it may not be much but its more them most i would love to have good friends again just so i have a reson to get out of the house as most days its hard to even push myself to get to the shops to buy milk i am really consurned that i am starting to develip social fobier sorry about my spelling but the thought of leaving the house just gets me so worked up ive lost all intrest in anything really i know thats my depression but again why did it have to chouse me and do many others like me whats so different about me.

well thanks for listining to me i hope to hear back from u soon. 

Jim

[justinok]

Hey Jim, I'm with Neil, have you talked to your bf about any of this? He really should know.

[Amelbourneboy]

Hi Jim,

how have you feeling changed in the last few days you have posted? any change? Dont be so hard on your self by comparing or assuming your issues are any less more important than anyone elses. What you feel is real, and its important to understand that you can have the life that most people percieve to be wonderfull but have dark demons that follow.

I too am very much like you, i have been in a long term gay relationship, i have support from friends, i have a great house, job, all the things your suppose to want but i still wake up every morning with the sudden sick feeling,

Your are not alone, hope to hear from you soon.