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Struggling to Celebrate Success after a break-up

LeavesTea
Community Member

Hi everyone,

Today should be a good day for me, I’ve just started a new job and over the weekend, I moved into a new house with a couple of friends, meaning we can isolate together!

Instead, I’m feeling as bad as I have in a while, thinking about my past relationship which ended at the start of the year. It’s a feeling that’s come up a few times when I’m making positive advances in my life. Its like every change is taking me further away from my life with my previous partner, which I enjoyed so much.

I know it’s a ridiculous thought to have, because I’m never going to be back there, but I’m having trouble convincing myself that. Could the kind people of this forum help me out?

thanks

7 Replies 7

Miz
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi LeavesTea,

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a hard time! Thanks for posting - we're always here for a chat.

It sounds like you have been struggling to move on and are still reminded of your past relationship. I think it's important to remember that everyone takes their own time to process emotions and a breakup and it can take a long time to work through the feelings and move on to be present. It's important to remember that you shouldn't feel guilty for still processing emotions and working through them. For the time being, all you can do is focus on the present and try to focus on your current life - don't feel like you have to be joyeous all the time though. Sometimes acknowledging our emotions (even if they're sad) can be a big step towards eventually feeling better~

Here if you want to chat.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear LeavesTea~

People feel nostalgia, loss and greif over a change from an old way of life. It is only natural. If you were comfortable or enjoyed that way of life for a while then those feelings come.

I think you are quite right, each move you have made now, job, flatmates and all, they are taking you further away from your old life.

While your logical mind may say I'll never go back (and be right) the heart can still yearn at times .

I'm afraid there is no timetable. New events will take over but it's hard at the start.

I was invalided out of my occupation which had nearly killed me, however afterwards I missed it like nothing on earth. There too the logical bit of me understood my situation and that my loses were permanent, the emotional side was not as well behaved:(

I've no profound advice, simply to look after yourself (nutrition, exercise, sleep) and find things to occupy you and for you to enjoy. - and that includes people

Please let us know how you get on

Croix

Guest_1584
Community Member

lt's not ridiculous op , it can take yrs to get over a relationship, that's ok. The new changes also take you further away from it than you were before too , so that can creep in as well.

lt's ok if you don't feel like celebrating , maybe once you settle in you will and you can go for it then, or whenever , or not.

rx

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Leaves Tea, and a warm welcome to the site.

Moving into a new home is going to rattle your security and your past relationships is going to affect you, I'm sorry to say, try and focus on yourself, you're more important than anyone else at the moment, so try and take it slowly.

We'd love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

LeavesTea
Community Member

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your words, they were nice to read and I’m feeling better today. I guess I just surprise myself sometimes with how attached to that previous life I still am. I want to celebrate moving on but maybe I’ve been thinking about it in a way that just puts more pressure on me and leads to feeling worse instead.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear LeavesTea~

Something to consider is that as time goes on memories can tend to be a bit selective, emphasizing the nice parts of the past, and not giving the less lovely parts equal time.

I remember going back to my homeland for a visit years ago, Things were the same and not the same, I came back here glad to get away, my perspective had changed a lot.

Croix

Hello Leaves Tea, today's events can not be the same as yesterday, nor will tomorrow, just as if we have a relationship and/or a spouse, today will be different from the next and it won't be the same as next week and I'm only sure we wished it would be, but unfortunately, it can't because different experiences happen which we weren't expecting, the weather changes just as our surroundings and we might decide to rearrange our bedroom, the lounge room and even when we meet people we have known for a long time, but not seen them for years, they too have changed their routine, their likes and dislikes aren't the same as before.

Your previous partner may have also moved on, perhaps finding someone who's different and more akin to them, that's something you don't know, but has he been able to contact you or knows that he too, has to move on.

There's one lesson you have learnt, that's you have become a better person because we all learn from the past.

Take care.

Geoff.