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Split from partner after she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, have 7 month old

Community Member


I'm 27 and she is 30, about 4 months ago she told me she was not in love with me anymore and that she wanted to break up

i was abit blind sided, i have a house building and we just had a newborn baby and thought everything was set

in an attempt to fix it we had a 'break' so she could try and work out her feelings, the break lasted 5 months with no progress. by the end of it i basically said i need an answer on her feelings or we need to actually break up because 5 months of up and down, sorta being half broken up but hope still there to get back together was affecting me allot (work, socially etc)

so we broke up, it's been just under 2 months now and everyone says time will heal and make everything okay, but time is so slow.. i just don't know what to do. i can feel myself sinking deeper into depression. the house is only a couple weeks away from being finished (financial stress) and i am constantly seeing the ex as everything we have for the baby is at her place and she needs help looking after bubs.

i have allot of friends that say they are there for me if i need to talk and all that but i am just numb and blank.

Weekends i stay out most nights and just drink, smoke and take what i can to forget my problems. spiraling out of control slowly

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Sr, welcome

Whether you left or she broke it off the grief is still there and traumatic. I've been there and its a bad feeling of emptiness.

In my case I was able to buy a block of land and physically build my own home. That taught me that a major distraction is a great way to keep your mind away from the hurt. I was so exhausted daily (worked shift work as well) that when falling asleep I did it quick and no time to grieve more.

In your case you have that house. Your partner made it clear she wanted to break off. People often say "give it time". Give it the time YOU believe is enough time. In the meantime be friends. Work as a team for your baby. Tell her that you intend to always be around, available as a friend and as a responsible dad, to help out sharing time etc. I put up with the mother of my children for 14 years following 11 years marriage that was hell on earth. I still had to communicate with her until my youngest was 18yo. So if you can come to some arrangement, agreement of your friendliness you will live a better life and your child will be happier.

Once you have decided enough time is enough, go dating, group activities...get moving, get a life. Again it distracts you away from your past love. Bear in mind that love is still available out there. Someone more committed. You can judge others by her decisions.

That's about all. Here is a thread you can google that I wrote. It is about after I left my wife after 11 years of abuse.

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Tony WK