Recently cut off from someone I was obsessed with for 4 years, how stalking ruined me

[nic90]

Its quite a sad story, I've never been to therapist but I know I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life.

There was a girl from work that I was slowly gaining a strong attraction towards and heard that she was interested in me. I never pursued it due me not being in the right headspace feeling down and not confident to approach her. I actually fell for her sister previously and I knew for a fact her sister was flirting and liked me as well but I never went for it until it was too late and she was in love with 2 other guys. It hurt me pretty bad.

Similar thing happened with her sister as she was seeing someone else which got me pretty upset and jealous.

I never felt confident or sure enough to make a move as I don't want to get hurt seeing I really can't handle it so I'm always so hesistant to make a move.

We were slowly bonding more at work but I still didn't pursue anything and she was seeing another guy. This is where it got bad and I started stalking her to see who she was with on social media.

Then I told her how I felt about her and I was told she had feelings too and started bonding even more but I still didn't trust her so I kept stalking her on social media. I still never made a move yet.

I fell so inlove with the idea of this girl, she was pretty, sweet, easy to talk to and someone I felt like I could be in a relationship with. I'm not sure if it was because I fell for her sister and she was so similar or what. I became so obsessed with this girl and I would get so jealous of her talking to other guys and this happened for 4 years. I felt like she was marriage material and the way she looked at me at times and how she always got excited to see me and knew how strong the feelings were getting for eachother even though we never went on a single date yet.

There was something there and I was so attracted to her but for some reason I never went for it. It makes me wonder if she was playing mind games with me.

I finally found a new job and she was about to go overseas at the same time and I told her I was gonna miss her and we should catch up when she gets back. She seemed fine until I started messaging her ex's to stop talking to her on fake accounts.

She eventually found out it was me and obviously told me to never message her again and blocking me today. I feel like a total weirdo and a loser for being obsessed over someone for 4 years at times I felt inlove with her or the idea of her.

What the hell is wrong with me?

[nic90]

Forgot to add. I also told her how I felt and how upset I was when she was seeing someone else she seemed to have gained strong feelings for me. Always chasing me and coming up to me first same with always messaging me. She mentioned she had slept with a few guys in the past and did all kinds of drugs which put me off and I started ignoring her even though I wanted her at the same time. She then slowly stopped talking to me for a period as she gained interest for someone else. There was a period where feelings got pretty strong but it was conflicting and I knew I ruined it. The stalking too got bad and ended all potential hope. I don't know how to get over an obsession I've had for 4 years its driven me insane. I'm literally crying as I'm typing as I don't know how it got this bad.

Her sister also spread rumours at my work as well saying she will call the cops if I stop messaging the guys which I have.

I pretty much put all my hope on this girl that thinking that eventually something might happen. It ended up being false hope and never felt such emotional pain in my life. It always happens and I never learn from it.

There is something seriously wrong with me I feel so empty at the moment as I have hardly anyone to talk too so I'm putting everything out here.

[nic90]

can this thread please be deleted.

[Juliet_84]

Hi nic90,

I think that a lot of people have a tendency to become obsessive about an ex, and social media makes it so much easier these days. I think that most of us have looked up an ex online to see what they are doing or look for pictures. I don’t think what you did makes you a weirdo, although I think that you learnt a valuable lesson in this, that even though you can get carried away online, your actions can have consequences and they unfortunately did in this instance. As far as the girl goes, it sounds as though that is pretty much done and dusted unfortunately, but all you can do is move forward and learn from this. I’m sorry I don’t have better advice!

Dana