One argument too many

[Souper]

Hi all

I have just separated from my wife of 29 years. Looking back, I can see that she was just going through the motions. The signs were there. Lethargy and complacency were certainly factors on my part. An argument occurred over a petty little thing, and the next day that was it. Denial, trying to change her mind, shock, tears and heartache. This is very, very hard.

She was wanting and I think expecting me to move out, as I have recently inherited a house in a nearby town with my brother that I could share with him. He is currently living there on his own. When this was suggested to me I responded that I don’t want to separate but have no control over that, I dont

[Souper]

Continued….

control over that, I also don’t want you to move out but I also have no control over that. I don’t want to move out, and that is something that I do have control over. I want to try a reconciliation, but she is convinced that it wouldn’t work. When funds are cleared she will be in a position to purchase another house, add to that time taken in choosing a house and legals so we are sharing the family house for likely a couple of months. I doubt she will rent for just a short time until purchasing.

I recognize now that things would be easier if I moved out, but I emotionally can’t as I am still clinging to the possibility of a reconciliation and moving out just seems to make what is perhaps a remote chance even more remote. Things are very, very grim and my world has come crashing down like complacent me never thought that it could.

[geoff]

Hello Souper, it's always sad when one spouse wants to keep trying for a conciliation but your other is determined it won't be possible as they have had enough.

The same happened to me after 25 years.

Is it possible that the two of you can live n the house, but separated, unfortunately by inheriting a house makes it easier for her to ask you to leave, as is your present house been sold and if so, these are the funds she is waiting for, to purchase something else?

Just want to see if I'm clear about what you have said.

Thanks.

Geoff.

[Souper]

Thanx 4 your reply, Geoff

We are I guess in a fortunate enough position to have a large enough amount in easily liquidated investments to split both ways and enable her to buy another house, after I have used most of my portion to buy her share of the family house. I may have to get a small mortgage depending on the valuation of our property, which she doesn’t want but I am hoping to keep. We started our relationship with nothing, both worked hard, and have adult children. Everything we have is what we have built together.

We are still seeing a solicitor together, but I don’t envisage any problems or arguing. Something I am unsure about is the aforementioned inherited to my brother and myself house, and also other cash and shares which my brother and I have inherited but not touched. Whether or not my wife is entitled to any of these assets, given that these were inherited by me prior to our separation, is a question for the solicitor.

So for now I am hanging on and hoping, but have made my final pitch to my Wife and children, and there is no more I can do. I know that while still sharing a house, I am likely just giving myself false hope and maybe delaying what is certainly going to be a long and slow healing process. I am seeing a counselor Thursday.