My relationship is gone

JimmyT46 · ‎18-07-2021

I'm really struggling with my partner of 20 years cheating on me with younger guys. I was loyal to a fault, supported her through alcoholism, her own depression, post natal depression and all the thanks I get for supporting is... "I love you but I'm really attracted to younger guys so I'm gonna go and have sex with them, see you at the end of the weekend".

I am a nice guy, average looking, not a monster but not horrible.

I've been so supportive and worked so hard for her and our family, and it feels like it meant nothing. I work, cook, shop and provide our single income.

Now she is saying she has never truly been attracted,but we have 3 kids. Am I that stupid that I didn't ever notice she wasn't attracted to me. She was also overly jealous... 'she used to constantly ask me whether I hated her, or found others more attractive. It used to be constant and upsetting but now... she wants other guys and finds me repulsive.

I feel like everyday is just a new slap in the face. Oh and to top it all off my boss hates my guts and I couldn't get my contract renewed at work. So whilst dealing with all this BS I've gotta be the best version of myself to find a new job.

Life just don't seem fair.

JimmyT46 · ‎21-07-2021

Thank you Geoff, Better Now and Juliet,

I am feeling much better today. I spoke with my therapist yesterday which did help, and I will insist on making sure I stick to positive thoughts.

Your totally right Geoff the ball is in my court, and I am taking slow steps to move out and move on, I was probably just in a place where I started mourning the loss all over again and I couldn't switch it off. Anyway, I found the switch yesterday and hopefully it gets easier to switch off in the future. (It's a crazy metaphor but I hope you know what I mean.)

Better Now, I'd like to think I'm an honest person, and tbh I think I'm a little gullible. (Or a lot) I know people use me sometimes and I let them, I don't expect other people to be perfect, and part of it is I don't want to have tough conversations all the time, I have them alot at work. I just figured with some unconditional love and support that it would be rewarded with unconditional love and support. Problem is she doesn't seem to have the capacity to return the favour, or does just doesn't want too.

Anyway, I think that's not worth worrying about anymore, I'm done (he said optimistally) trying to fix everything or worrying over everything to keep all in order.

Juliet, my heart went out to you, when you said you cried about the message, what an absolutely beautiful feeling soul you must be. And thank you for the kind words. I wish my ex could express herself in this way, but I'm not sure she has the capacity emotionally.

All of you have helped boost my mood, and combined with therapy have given me some real strategies to move forward with. Thanks you so much!!!

Jimmy

Flamingo1989 · ‎25-07-2021

Hi Jimmy I'm so sorry you are experiencing this pain. I am too, my bf just broke up with me after 4 years. I am alone, no family or friends and most likely going to lose my contract at the end of the year too. How do you start over and find yourself trusting someone new plus getting your mind together to start a new job. Feelings if rejection both personally and in the workplace. With love from Melbourne

geoff · ‎26-07-2021

Hello Jimmy, it's not easy but slowly you are doing what you believe you should be doing and at times we can't just switch on or off, there might be some affection that lingering on in the background, that's holding that switch to turn off, eventually, this will improve as your common sense will develop and take control.

My best thoughts.

Geoff.

jsm1974 · ‎01-10-2021

Hi JimmyT46,

I can relate to many of the feelings you are talking about, as I am in a very similar situation, although in our case our relationship was amazing up until about 6 weeks ago, and I still love her more than anything. Completely insane, but happening nonetheless and no coping mechanisms are helping for any significant period of time. I'm not even capable of distracting myself with tv. Everything reminds me of my situation.

As you say in a later post, knowing that others out there are going through the same thing can help us feel less alone in the world, which is how I've been feeling for weeks (no family and 1 friend).