Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

My mother is toxic and narcissistic

Community Member

I cannot take my mother any more. I am sick of her doing things to damage my life and my things. She treats me and my sister differently all my life. My mother always have treated me like as if i am the burden in her life. For example last week i cut and installed all the blinds in the house for her, i have a neck and shoulder injury which causes pain for me, but i was still willing to do it for her, she was all nice to me, very loving, then i wake up the next day and she treats me like absolute garbage, i did not do or say anything wrong to her, but out of the blue i have become a problem some how.

She does things to make my life hard, for example, i purchased new clothes , wore it and then put it in the washing machine to wash, i come to find that someone put tissues in the washing machine which now damaged the new clothes. This is not a one time occurrence this has happened at least 20 times in my life.

Another thing she does is if i use the washing machine , suddenly the washing machine is too noisy for her and i have to shut the door all the time to the laundry. So i did a test on her when she was washing her own clothes, i left the door open in the laundry while she was watching the TV , i left for 40 min and came back and asked her, isn't the washing machine noisy ?, she says no, so i tell her then why is the washing machine noisy for you when i am doing the washing ?

She will cause financial stress on the family by leaving the water running in the backyard for hours on end and then when the water bill comes she tells me that the bill is too high because i used the washing machine.

If i ask her to cook food for me which is a one off thing, she will do it in a way that i don't like it. When i am doing cooking, she makes a big deal about every single thing that i am taking up too much space in the kitchen that she cannot cook (she sits at home all day) .

Today i came downstairs to find the fridge doors wide opened for god knows how many hours , to find her sitting in the sewing room sewing away. She leaves all the dishes, cups and cutlery half washed in the sink or drawers and cupboards, that anything i take out i have to rewash again.

She always leaves her poo floating in the toilet, she doesn't flush. And there are times where somehow there is poo stains on the toilet seat edge, also at times with the toilet roll there is poo stain on the toilet roll or inside the cardboard of the toilet roll.

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Anima

Welcome to the forums. It certainly sounds like you have a really difficult relationship with your mother, and I'm really sorry to hear it causes so much stress. I can really hear the frustration you feel.

I also have a very challenging relationship with my own mother who migrated here and I feel like we are just two very different cultures and very different people anyway. Thankfully, I don't live with her anymore but even still I find she can test my patience quite often.

I am not sure whether you would like us to talk to you about anything specific, but I just wanted to respond to let you know that I am here to talk if you'd like. Either way, I hope writing that out has helped you in some way.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Anima, welcome

Yes, its tough to live with a parent that plays favourites and is "toxic".

The simple answer is to move out. At 17yo I joined the RAAF (Air force) and made a life away from the city I was raised. There has been a growing tradition for the past 25 years of young adults remaining at home and I dont see that as good for personal growth. The bottom line also is- its her house. That makes it harder.

That aside, my own relationship with my now 89yo mother is estranged. I havent seen her for 9 years due to her toxicity. She even ruined my first wedding in 1985. She threatened to ruin my second wedding in 2011 but that was the last straw. I had to get a court order banning her from the park where the wedding took place. In my case, as she was in denial I had to find out what was wrong with her. A friend told me to google

queen witch hermit waif

In my case I believe my mother has all 4 personalities/traits.

Repost anytime.