My husband wants me to date other people

[Mothership]

Hi, my husband and I live separately because of his mental health, we talk everyday, and see each other, he says he loves me each day, he has told me to date other people, he says to meet the needs he can't meet, but I have been faithful for the 26 years we've known each other. I'm 63 yrs old now and I don't think I could date anyone else, especially to be intimate,

[geoff]

Hello Mothership, thanks for your comment and sorry for your separation, although you are still in contact with your husband.

After being married for 26 years there are people like yourself that don't want this to happen, irrespective of what your husband says, and why all of a sudden has this been said.

I am 67 and after being married 25 years we got divorced, much to my dissatisfaction, but we still talk and see each other, although she partnered up with someone 15 years older than herself, but now has dementia.

She originally told me the same thing, but I haven't and being living by myself for many years and certainly don't want a relationship, so you can decide to do the same.

If he says that he still loves you, then with help and treatment, you may be able to get back together, otherwise if you date, then property settlement will need to be done with your husband.

I can't tell you what to do, but from what you have told us, it doesn't seem as though you want to complicate this.

It's a choice that you need to make, but please ask any question you'd like.

Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Mothership,
 
Welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members.
 
We are sorry you are going through this, thank you for sharing your story. Can we ask has anything changed for your husband recently that could have triggered this response? Has anything occurred to make your husband question his ability to “meet the needs he can’t”? Have you discussed this with him and stated that you do not have a need nor desire to date others?
 
If you would like to talk about your concerns or any issue you may have, our counsellors are available 24/7. You can contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
Feel free to express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement as this is a safe space. Once again, we are so glad you have joined the forums and we hope that you feel welcomed into the community. 
 
Warm regards
Sophie M
 

[Mothership]

Thank you for replying, I won't be dating other people, I keep thinking he only told me to date as he is already dating himself, I hope that isn't the case, we live in a very small town, I already get weird looks, I'll just stay alone, I don't think I could handle any drama, or conflict,

[Mothership]

I think he wants me to date as he is already dating himself, I couldn't cope with the stress of dating, my last date before my husband was more than 30 years ago,

I'll see how things go,

[geoff]

Hello Mothership, living in a small town, everybody seems to know what you are doing, whether it's exaggerated or not, and dating another person at your our age is definitely not like it was when we were 18 and at times all we want is some peace and quiet.

Take your time, something could happen without you realising.

Geoff.

[Mothership]

Yes, I just need peace,

[geoff]

Hello Mothership, if he says he loves you, well this takes on another variable, because it's not like when you first met, it could be a caring-love, irrespective of this, it changes how you feel, especially when he's dating someone else.

I can't tell you what to do, but perhaps it's time to let him go and do whateer he wants to do, then you can be free to do what you enjoy and once this happens it begins to regain your strength where you still want to talk with him and after a while not be bothered by what he has to say.

It has taken me quite a while to be able to listen to my ex talking about her older partner, who now has dementia, but we still talk and see each other but couldn't live together again.

She does what she wants to do and I do the same, but are two different people and she was my real first love.

Geoff.