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my dh works away from home

Community Member

My dh works away from the family home and has done on and off for two years. He has just taken work in central Australia on a 3 weeks on 4 days off schedule.

He tells me he doesn't love me anymore but we are good friends. We are seeing a marriage councillor which he wants to keep doing whilst he is away again. Honestly I am very confused. I love him and the last few years have been hard. I was left to raise 3 children on my own one of them less than a year old when he left. He stopped communicating while away and I became resentful. I asked for marriage counselling then but he refused only agreeing once he fell out of love. We have been on and off again the last few weeks which is simply emotionally draining. Our youngest child is now 3 so things are still intense for me at home. We have agreed to continue marriage counselling at this stage but he wants to be formally separated. After a 16 year relationship and 3 children theres a lot of water under the bridge. I don't know if I should continue and see if his friendship feelings turn back into love or just call it now. I want to keep trying but it's hard enough with him in the same state now he's 2 states away and mobile coverage is unknown.

I'm confused. He says he wants to be separated but still wants to do marriage counselling when he's home for 4 days, he doesn't love me but thinks of me as a good friend. there is very little touching although our communication has improved dramatically since we started seeing the councillor.

Thanks for reading

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi chariot,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you are talking about this because I can see how frustrating it would be.

I'm a bit confused too! Maybe he thinks a separation will give him some time to consider how he feels about your relationship? You would think he would have time when he is away but I am guessing he is working long hard days and probably is either working or sleeping. 

How long will this work in central Australia go on? I agree it would be hard to work on this within his schedule and without phone contact.  4 days off doesn't seem like much.

Know that you have choices. You don't have to be in limbo if you don't want. I think it is important that you don't spend all your waking moments thinking about which choice you will make. If you choose to continue you can put your mind to rest until he gets back and you see the counselor, meanwhile any thoughts you have, put them on paper to take with you.

Talk any time. Jack