Mother in law drama...

[May_M]

Hello lovely people 🙂

Firstly I’m looking forward to reading any responses; I
really do want to know what people think of my situation objectively.

My husband and I have been married for a year now, he is the
love of my life, a beautiful soul, supportive, caring, handsome, kind and we love spending all our free time with one another. I am 25 and he is 29 and I am from a different ethnic background to him. We are both university educated and very rational, normal, friendly people.

After our wedding I agreed on moving in with him and his
mother (unemployed, 2 time divorcee, my husband her youngest son, her other kids living in other states/estranged from her) in her house. I didn’t really know a lot about her, but for all intents and purposes things seemed fine between us. Her criticism of me started from our wedding day, as we were about to enter our wedding reception she started screaming at my husband in their language because I didn’t run up to greet her. She criticised me for every
little thing from then on (I’d run out of words listing them all) examples include; how I brush my hair, she didn’t think I looked sexy enough, why I used a fitted sheet and flat sheet on my bed, the way I cleaned, that I didn’t kiss her hand on special occasions, that I didn’t tell her where I was going, anything and everything.

She would go through my packed zipped-up bags (for uni) and
make up lies to my husband that I was scheming to run away from him. She asked for gifts back that she had given when we were engaged, or she would just go through my stuff and simply take it back. She started screaming at me and throwing a fit because I gave away some of my husbands unwanted clothes to donation. She would ignore me when I asked her questions. I would do all the housework and she would complain to my sister in law that the house is so dirty and no one ever cleans it. SOOO many more instances I can go on for ages. I felt like I was in hell. I was crying probably 5-6 times a week. I would never say anything to her just “yes Aunty” or “okay Aunty” I never confronted her or asked her why she behaved the way she did. I just wanted to move on and make
peace. On top of this she would have constant arguments with my husband and tell him that I’m “controlling” him and that he is “under my thumb”.

[May_M]

My husband's cousin visited me when I was home alone and was telling me to visit my MIL and to "get over it". She said that my mother in law is the type of person who wants to say anything she wants and for me to just smile back at her. I explained that it's not fair, and I am a human with feelings, not an inanimate object. My sister in law is being passive aggressive and icy to me. Everyone on my husband's side of the family has an unsolicited opinion. I feel such a burden. No one know's the full story of what transpired. My MIL is a master manipulator and fabricates stories to make people pity her. My mind never stops racing. The only solution presented to me is that I should just lay down and take whatever verbal abuse and violation my mother in law wants to throw my way. I feel like this will never be resolved. I'm so mentally tired. It sucks my mental energy and makes me unproductive in other aspects of my life. I want to escape. Thoughts have crossed my mind to leave my husband because of her, but I love him so much and he is so good to me.

[pipsy]

Hi May.M Stick to your guns on this issue. Your MIL is out of line and if you do return, you will be subjected to open slather. If your hubby refuses to listen or accept you for who you are and continues to allow his mother to abuse and violate your rights as a person, you may have to start exploring other options. If you and hubby are 'rock solid' and he is protective of you, explain you are not strong enough to withstand her abuse. If you feel as though you need 'time out' are you in a position to get away for a while to recharge and rethink? I did leave my ex after 25 years, but that was a slightly different situation to yours. He actually allowed the abuse and joined in (believe it or not). It sounds as though your hubby is trying to do the right thing, so ignore sister-in-law, cousin and remain distant. Sister-in-law will naturally defend MIL, it's her mum, cousin is obviously used to the verbal abuse and ignores it. That's them, they are not you, your feelings are yours and they are real, take care of yourself and let hubby know you have no intention of seeing them. Lynda