Married and falling for someone else

[Dazedandconfused123]

I've been with my husband for 20 years (since teenagers). We have a young child together.

We've always been the bestest of friends (we were before dating) and had lots of fun together before children came along. However, sex has always been an issue for us.

Lately we've been experiencing issues over the last year. More fights, as I guess we are exhausted and not as patient as we used to be. I'm not sure if the pandemic and lockdown exposed some side we weren't used to seeing, or the relentlessness of being parents is taking it's toll.

I suppose have started to fall out of love with him. I have no desire to be intimate anymore. He was never one for cuddles or holding hands anyway.

I've suggested counselling, which was met with 'i don't think it's needed'.

Anyway, which leads me to my dilemma. I have recently become better friends with someone i work with, who I always admired but knew i couldnt 'go there'. But lately our friendship seems to of taken a flirty tone. We text a lot and have had some drinks together, where we just talked and talked and talked.

I am falling for him and I don't know what to do.

He is also married, so adds further complications to it. He also, might not even feel the same way.

I sort of don't want to stop seeing my friend. I'm enjoying the thrill I suppose.

I know I should be working on my marriage, but I feel like I'm done, especially seeing as husband doesn't seem to want to discuss with a counsellor.

This took a lot to type out. Thank you for reading and any advice you can provide.

[Forrest]

Thanks for letting me know, it's nice to hear whether comments are helpful so I can learn where to redirect my attention or learn from attempts to connect.

Have you ever thought of trying bellydancing? It's a really nice way to feel womanly about yourself. Yoga is a great idea too.

If / when you get yourself to counselling, see if you can move it to be about you. About your marriage yes, but your marriage isn't the counselling client, you are. A good counsellor will know how to help you unpack how YOU are feeling in your marriage, and why, and what the best thing for you is. What's good for others will come into it, but that will be tied into why that's important to YOU, because it's in line with YOUR values, and why that is so. That might be a way for the counselling to do you some good, regardless of whether it results in saving your marriage or not, and then won't be wasted even if your husband won't work his side of the relationship (and you don't have to feel like counselling is just you putting work into the relationship because it's not solely about that per se, but will include that because it's part of your situation.)

I can see that this is hard on you. The fact that you ended your initial post saying that it was hard for you to get it all out, shows that this is not a casual subject for you.

[Dazedandconfused123]

Thank you. Really appreciate you taking the time to chat.

[Forrest]

You're welcome, feel free to check in as time goes by and feelings or stresses arise and evolve. ❤

[Resolute459]

You should make sure you protect your heart and secure footing. Take your husband through whatever you need but do not see your friend on the side. Moral items are already in play so it isn't clear what your going to feel tomorrow or the next. Good luck to you.

[Forrest]

Hi again Dazedandconfused123 💐

Just wondering how it's all going for you, and wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Have you made any progress looking for ways to give yourself some care and attention? Or anything else useful?

I just want to say as well that even if you haven't taken any of the advice in this thread, I hope you'll still check in and say how you're doing. I can't speak for anyone else but I'll still recognise you as a human being with emotional needs and am willing to be here when available to send love and a listening ear.

Warm kindness, Forrest.