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Long Distance Relationship Making Me Depressed - HELP!

Community Member

Hi everyone,

 I'm not sure where to start so I'll just start at the beginning.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, all of that long distance. We live 3-4 hours apart and see each other every second or so weekend for a couple of days. I love him to death and want to be with him forever, but long distance has always been really hard for me and I always turn into a bubbling mess when he or I leave after the weekend. Lately I have been feeling really sick and anxious on the day he's coming up to visit and then feel worse when he leaves. I feel like I'm starting to resent him coming up because I know he just has to leave again. I was at his place for two weeks over Christmas and felt sick on the day I was driving up and on the day I was leaving.

I don't understand what's happening to me cause I know I love him more than anything and I always feel happy when I'm with him but lately I've been having these awful thoughts about everything being to hard and questioning if I still want to be in the relationship which is a load of crap cause I know I want to be with him and even marry him one day! 

Were just stuck in this impossible situation because where he lives there isn't many jobs going and he lives with his parents and I don't want to move in with his parents! The only way it's going to stop being long distance is if we buy a farm together and I can find a job out there. I'm also very unhappy in my job and want to leave but feel like I'm stuck!

 I'm going to see a doctor because I think I may have depression as I'm just always so anxious and scared. I'm so worried that I'm going to lose my boyfriend because these thoughts are making me resent him always leaving but I know I love him. I'm trying so hard to think positively and remember how happy he does make me but it feels like I'm stuck in this black hole of sadness.

 Has anyone else been through something like this? How did it work out?

4 Replies 4

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Im in a very similar situation myself! Me and my fiance have been together for over 3 years about 3-4 hours away from each other. I cant move there because of money and family, and he lives with his father who he looks after. He says he will move, but im yet to see it happen. we only see each other about once a month and its really ahrd. REALLY HARD.

 I often cry when he gets here and cry when he leaves. Its exhausting - but my theory is that i want him in my life in this capacity, way more than i could cope without him. Its worth it. Patience is the key, and a LOT of self care.

 I think talking about how youre feeling with him is super important. Vent to your friends too 😉 i do a lot of that. 1 foot in front of the other.

Community Member

Hi Catie


Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and sharing your post.


I’ll start by saying, that no, I haven’t been in this kind of situation before.


I do hope that others may be able to come here and give their thoughts also.


I think it’s a great idea that you’re going to get along to see a doctor – just to get a professional check up when you’re feeling like this is very worthwhile.


When you’re with your boyfriend, do you have any of these resentful feelings or sadness?   Or is it only in the lead up to the visit and also the end of the visit?


With your work, is there any option where you could perhaps take some extended leave, so you can spend a bit more time together with your boyfriend?


I do hope you can write back as well and let us know how you’re going?


Kind regards



Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Caitie,

I have been in a situation like this, and while it didn't work out for me, for a variety of reasons, I have some understanding of how you might be feeling.

I personally feel that for a long distance relationship to work both partners need to be committed to working towards ending the long-distance part. It's understandable that there are certain circumstances which prevent it from ending in the immediate future, but I feel that if you and your partner have a plan in place and maybe even a deadline for when you will be together, it might help to ease the burden. You could break the plan down into manageable parts, so that it seems overwhelming.

Would your partner consider moving to your town, or alternatively, both of you moving somewhere else, where you might both have better career opportunities? Would you re-consider living with his parents? Is there another career opportunity you could pursue?

I'd definitely recommend seeing a doctor for a medical opinion on some of the anxious feelings you seem to be having, but I'm happy to talk to you about some of the long-distance relationship things you are struggling with.


Community Member
Thank you for replying. I've been so much better the last week cause I've been researching depression and how to treat it. To answer your question, the feelings of resentment go away when we're together but I still feel off when we're together. I went to the doctor and he's diagnosed me with mild depression (can't see anything mild about it!) and given me medication to help. I've also started on magnesium and natural supplements which I feel have really really helped! My boyfriend came up this weekend just past and I had no anxiety, I was sad when he left and still off today but that might be the medication kicking in. Here's hoping it all gets better!