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Is a seperation a good idea

Community Member

My husband and I have been married for 14yrs and together for 21yrs we have 3 beautiful kids and the last 3yrs have been really hard on us all with his depression in respects that he has withdrawn from everyone and everything and now we are fighting all the time.

Don't get me wrong I love him and have been by his side through all this like he was for me 16yrs ago but there is no sign of him wanting to change his frame of mind and thinking.

We are in counselling and it doesn't seem to be doing anything this time around either. His negative thinking is just taking over and I am just so sad that he is missing out on his kids childhood.

I am also over the fighting but I am afraid that if we seperate that he will fall deeper into his hole.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi DW, welcome

Being in counseling I dont know what advice I can give. Also changing a mindset is an individual internal thing.

Lets try.

Together you can tackle this if only he'll join with you in the challenge.

For example. You could ask him if you both can read the following threads and if he isnt interested then what action could anyone do? Read them yourself and see how he could benefit.

But if only he can listen while you read thats a start.

Google ( just read the first post of each)

Topic: is their room for stubbornness?- beyondblue

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: depression and the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: do you need a jolt?- beyondblue

Topic: relationship strife? The peace pipe- beyondblue

Topic: feeding your brain - beyondblue

Topic: focus and never ever give up- beyondblue

Topic: best attitude for recovery- beyondblue

There are thousands of such posts here. Read two a night?.

Your husband needs you. Its a difficult time.

I hope I've helped

Repost in those threads or here.

Tony WK

Hi Tony WK

Thank you I will have a look at a few of those, I am will to give anything a go at the moment


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello Distrot Wife, thank you for posting your comment and a pleasure to meet you.

I can really relate to your comment because I was exactly the same, married 25 yrs but the same as your husband, suffering from depression.

It must be a struggle because he has dug his heels in, as he doesn't want to change.

You say 'we are in counselling' and if this is joint, can I suggest that he has single therapy, and I say this because sometimes people in joint counselling tend not to mention to the therapist/psychologist that certain point which is very important to his situation.

Any issue he is fighting over probably won't even happen because with depression we tend not to what to do anything at all, so the argument may mean nothing, arguing over something that may not happen. Geoff.

Community Champion
Community Champion


I too welcome you the forum. Well done for writing your first post.

Geoff and Tony have given you helpful suggestions.

I can see how caring you are and how frustrated you feel. Are you getting help and support for yourself. You have a lot in your plate and need to look after yourself and your Heath.

I agree with Geoff about arguing with someone with depression. It is hard when someone is very negative to ignore their complaints and arguments, Otherwise you will be come emotionally exhausted.