How to deal with Inlaws rejecting my children.

[Danny1234]

My inlaws live 5 minutes away and never ask to see my children. They see my partners, brothers kids every week. Always offering to baby sit and help them. We get no help at all, we haven’t had a date night in over 2 years. It makes me want to never speak to them again. My partner makes me do birthdays and Christmas. I can tell we are only invited due to being related. It has affected me so much this week, I have gone into a depressive episode. Feeling like there is something wrong with me and my kids. They always say how much they look like me, as it is such a negative to do so. I just want to quit his family and my partner won’t let me. I was in youth homes so long story short, my family don’t care about me much either. How do I cope. It’s affecting me so much for some reason.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Imo the remedy is not unlike other situations with blood relatives and that is to accept that you can't make them like you so, form family around you that deserve your commitment.

Family doesn't have to be relatives. But for the sake of your partner I'd maintain basic communication. I would withdraw from family activities and create my new family based on what love and care we exchange, not based on status.


I hope that helps.
TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Danny1234, the situation you're in doesn't have a simple reason nor answer why I'm sorry to say because there could be many different variables why the age difference between your partner's brother's kids compared to how old your kids are, because looking after children who are advanced and able to entertain themselves with the modern day technology is different to kids who need to be fed.

Forgive me if this is far from reality, but if it was me, I'd confront them and ask them why.

Hope I haven't upset you because that's not my intention.

Geoff.

[Danny1234]

We have children around the same age. They have one more than us. We have asked why and they say they don’t know. Say they’ll make more of an effort then never do. I don’t know why they have no attachment towards my kids.