Estranged, Elderly and Lonely
I am 82 and my wife 7 years younger. Prior to last Christmas my wife had a commenced an affair with a guy from our area which he broke off shortly after New Year. On New Years Day my wife told they were going away with each other. We have I feel grown away from each other somewhat since but I do not want this. I love this lady eeply. We have been married 24 years. A second marriage for both of us. We are both in reasonable health although we have not been sexually active for some 15 years. 4 months ago my wife decided she wanted to trial a separation but spends as much time in our neighbourhood as she does away. I have tried to do everything I could to help her in many ways like taking her to and from hospital for removal and replacing of inplants running her to where she rents. I would and will do anything for her but I am becoming totally exhausted mentally physically and emotionally. I just do not know what to do. We are pensioners relying on welfare. Please does anyone have any suggestions as I am devoid of any ideas. As I said I love my wife dearly and will do anything for her and have done so.
Welcome here to the forum, I notice you have had to wait for a reply. I regret that, please however be assured it is not you -or the subject of your post, but simply the system that does not always work as we would like.
I guess, having thought about your situation, that there some things to consider. Actually I'd expect you have already done so, but hearing things from another can sometimes lend a little perspective.
First your wife has obviously been discontented with the relationship for quite some time,and I would guess that an affair was a symptom. It would probably also come as a shock to her to be prepared to leave with someone else, only to find he was unwilling.
So have you discussed the matter with her, not in an accusatory way, or as someone who 'would do anything' but more as equals looking at a problem together?
You have mentioned she still is centered on the neighborhood, and accepts your help in practical matters, so parts of her life remain the same.
You mentioned your sex-life was not there, is this part of the problem? then again it may be something else entirely.
Trying to deal with this by yourself will only focus your attention on the problem, grief and loss. May I suggest you get professional counseling?
Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 is pretty good and at least in some cases do have modest fees for those who need them.
It may be you might go together depending on what she wants.
Apart from the professional side do you have family or friends to lean on at the moment. Isolation simply makes things worse.
I think that now is a time to try to develop your own life. Not easy after so any years, but if you have interests or hobbies, particularly if they involve others, then conentrating more on them can only be good.
I'd also suggest a checkup at your GP, exhaustion of either kind needs to be taken into account.
Do you think there is anything here that might help?
I hear how you are feeling lonely in this relationship and sorry that you are in this situation. So your wife is 75? I'm in my vintage years myself and have learnt that as we get older the 'sex' part of a relationship isn't as important of course as it once was when we were young. Friendship and companionship is. Your wife obviously needed more emotionally, I'm only guessing here, but the fact is she married you all those years ago and deep inside I feel she still loves you, she just got lost somewhere. It can happen to any of us and it happened to me too. Women can get their walls up, but I feel if you just keep giving her unconditional love and look after yourself, plus as Croix said contact Relationships Australia for more support.
I'm praying for you both and wish you peace and love always x