Depression in a new marriage

[MummaOf4]

We have been together for 4 years and married for 2 months. While I do love him, I find it hard to be happy. I like meeting new people and creating friendships, he gets jealous and insecure. I feel like I can't even have a break without him having something to complain about. I never have "me" time and when I try to, I feel guilty. I have no friends I can talk to about how I feel. We have 6 kids together and we don't get time to ourselves often. I don't even go out on my own. He is constantly picking a fight with my kids that live with us but such an angel to his kids. His mother hates me because I stand up for myself. I feel really alone and can't find someone I can confide in. I used to but she stabbed me in the back. We have a 2 year old son with a rare heart condition, he had 2 surgeries with another on the way. We have gone through that journey together as well. To be honest I have no idea how I'm feeling, it's a mix of everything and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[geoff]

Hello MummaOf4, I'm deeply sorry for your 2 year old son and requiring surgery once again, and I'm sure this must be a frightening experience for all of you.

If your husband becomes jealous and insecure, then having time away together may only solve this problem temporarily but long term this could be difficult, the same could apply if you were able to spend a night or two away from the kids, because your worry of the children, especially your son may be too strong.

To be able to go out with some friends, then your husband has to understand that it's your time to be away and he has nothing to worry about and that you married each other where all the children are equally loved.

If he does not love your children then perhaps a problem has been created and that he needs to change his outlook, otherwise a relationship isn't going to be easy to be together.

I'm sure he has some time to himself, with his mates, and if so then you are entitled to have the same.

His mother may not be easy to convince and unless she accepts you, she should be kept away until her attitude changes.

I am really sorry this is happening and please keep in touch.

All the very best for your son and his next operation, please let us know.

I'll get back to you.

Best wishes.

Geoff. x

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like there are a lot of feelings going on for you. You are feeling helpless and unhappy. You love your husband as you have gone through a lot but you are also unhappy as he isn't giving you time for yourself, which is very crucial in a relationship.

Have you communicated to him about how you have felt about him not giving you space? Maybe he doesn't;t understand where you are coming from?

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[Sophie_M]

Hi MummaOf4, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing this here. We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through. We hope the amazing words from our community bring you some comfort.  

In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It could be useful to have a chat with them to discuss how you’ve been treated by your partner. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.  You could also speak to the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. They offer free advice to families going through challenging situations like these.   

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here. We hope you can be as kind to yourself as you have been in sharing here, as it’s really important to look after yourself and reach out when you need to talk it through. Our counsellors are here for you, anytime you’d like to chat.