Dealing with BPD and A Breakup.

[Amino_Acids]

ThoughtsLast night I received a text from my girlfriend saying why we need to take a break and I agreed to it but a few minutes later, her friend texted me and said that this guy confessed to her and she accepted it. Immediately I had a strong urge to through my phone into my closet. I felt betrayed and enraged. 'She never loved me' I told myself. I went back to text my girlfriend saying that I know about this and that it was if 'she wanted to break up with me' and she responded saying that she 'fell out of it' and that she was sorry, saying she didn't want me to feel bad and that I was precious to her. She also said she would never ever hate me. But what I don't understand is, if you love someone, why in the world would you leave them? And I still don't understand that. I cried all night, my body aching, yet numb, my heart hurting and my mind, well, an emotional wreck. I knew what was the difference between love and infatuation, and I genuinely loved her and she felt the same way. I sacrificed so much for her. I cried and cried until my friends called me for 2 hours saying that they love me.

When I went to school, I cried the whole the day and pretty much hugged everyone in the year group. I didn't see my... ex-girlfriend today because she had a mental breakdown and had to go home. I called her to give me her promise ring back and she did and I gave her all the letters and gifts she gave me. This was a year and a half worth of my life, gone. Now she has a boyfriend and now, I have no one. Even though I was extremely angry at her I still really love her. In the end, she still wants us to be friends, but it won't feel the same. She will never love me again, no one will ever love me. The last time I called her, I said 'I love you' for the last time. But she immediately said 'Bye.'

And I spoke with her current boyfriend, and he's just so much better than me. He said that I should love myself for his sake. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want her to want me back. I want to feel her kisses and hugs and I want her to say 'I love you' again, even if it's just once. She was my first love, but I know there's no one better than her, and everyone is better than me. I feel like I have no future. I feel like I'm just living a lie. I just want someone to love me like that, why is that so hard? Why am I not good enough? Why am I a second choice?

Because of this, I never want to fall in love again.

Ever.

Why doesn't she love me anymore?

What should I do?

[Croix]

Dear Amino Acids~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'm very sorry to hear of what has happened to you, it really is a heartbreak situation, and you are right that a first love is special, I remember mine very well, I was at school, she was not.

I made the same assumptions as you, when the relationship ended I thought there would never be another and thought that was all because of me.

Actually I was wrong on both counts. It's a bit like saying her new bf is better than you - who says? In what way?

As for a breakup, it happens, when still a young person it is a learning experience, and one of the things you do learn is what real love is. It sounds like you know, but your ex gf has yet to learn that for herself.

I never found an easy way to feel better, just kept on doing the things I normally did, relied on the presence of friends, and did not stop socializing. Sounds hard doesn't it?

What can I say you will believe? It will happen again with someone better. It did for me, and for those I know.

I think it highly unlikely you are a second choice or in any way not good enough. Much more likely your ex is feeling her way, trying to find what she needs. Unfortunately you get really hurt in the process.

You are welcome to talk here anytime

Croix

[Amino_Acids]

Thank you so much, Croix,

I've taken your advice and throughout the week I've pretty much had 49 hours of hugs, people telling me that I had to realize she pretty much cheated on me and that I have friends that love me much more than she does. Because of this, I feel much more empowered, independent and in control of my decision making and values. I learnt a lot about myself during this period of time. In addition, I recently found that her current boyfriend was a hypocrite too: he left his partner in order to pursue my ex, and when he found out about it he took advantage of it. I confronted him about it via text, letting him know that I acknowledge his ill intentions through his empathetic front, that I won't cry on anyone's shoulder for them to pity me.

Thank you again, Croix, for making me realize I am so more than what I believe I am.

[Croix]

Dear Amino Acids~

I'm glad you are getting though this, it is hard. Actually gaining wisdom is often hard, and you are getting more insight into others. Not a bad thing, you will end up being a partner in a relationship who has a lot to offer based on your experiences.

Having all those friends to support you is a wonderful thing.

Croix