Complicated Relationship

[Natalia123]

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for a total of 3 years. We have no children.

Im at a point in my life over the age of 30 questioning what love is? The marriage was dysfunctional and ended in a separation for 3 months recently we reconciled.

In the three months off my thoughts disappeared and all I felt was Iove for him in my heart. I returned because of the love I felt.

I wonder is love enough? I didn’t feel pressured or compelled. There is a conversation every night about the relationship and my husband is feeling overwhelmed. I think it is my way of trying to connect emotionally.

[Guest_1584]

l was in something where it was an every night thingto but later l realized how ridiculous that was and l'm not sure why it was coming up so often.

lt was too much for us too , her.

Can you just hang back with all that and tone it all right down and just "be", for awhile together, see how it goes ?

[MsPurple]

Hi Natalia

I sometimes wonder the same thing. You see all these hollywood movies that say that love is enough. But I feel like common interest, desire to have a family, compassion, holiday dreams etc. I'd love to think that love conquers all, but I feel like we need more than just love to make a relationship work long term.

Do you think there is a reason you are quetstioning it now? It seems like you really do love them but had a recent conflict or something happened. Is the reason your questioning it because you are looking into your future and not sure if your desires line up completely. If this is the case maybe have a conversation with your partner about your thoughts and concerns maybe a good idea.

Sorry if my suggestions are not what you wanted to here. To be honest I was single for a long time and am only in a new relationship. But I have the same thoughts as you all the time, so I thought I'd chime in and add my thought patterns as well. Everyone deserves love, but you also need compatibility and shared interest and future.

[geoff]

Hello Natalia123, can I welcome you to the forum.

What does the word 'love' mean, well it has all sorts of different meanings to everybody, too many to mention, but in a marriage, it would suggest that the couple should talk about what would suit them, plan for the future and cope with their current situation.

You separated for a reason, but when you were away these problems disappeared and only thought of the love you can remember when you first met the man you love.

You ask the question 'is love enough', yes it is if the two of you can agree or settle on a discussion amicably if not then the repair has to begin and that can be hard work.

For you to decide on whether or not to have children maybe something you don't agree on and can be a sticking point where one of you wants to start a family while the other wants to hold off, this maybe where the marriage has become dysfunctional.

All the best.

Geoff.

[Natalia123]

Well I have thoroughly appreciated the support from the forums. I now understand why it was complicated, when my husband and I were apart for 3 months. He got on a dating app, met a girl, went on a date and then had sex with her. He was in contact with many women online! Wow how easy it easy to chat to the opposite sex on dating apps. He didn’t want to tell me because he was scared I wouldn’t come back.

we have been in couples therapy and also individual therapy for me. He has been taking a emotional regulation class

[Natalia123]

Yes I can tone it back, but it’s like I’m looking for something. I’m looking for that emotional chat.

[Natalia123]

Thanks for all your support yes there was a reason I was question, when we were separated for 3 months he met a woman online, took her on a date and slept with her. He didn’t tell me because he was scared I wouldn’t come back.

I came back no knowing this, so it’s been constant lies and a huge throw back for someone I trusted immensely.

we are in counselling now, but it’s a long journey