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Can this be fixed?

Community Member

My 7 year marriage is a recipe you dont see often, we would compare it to the movie "the notebook" but right now it doesnt look that nice.

My wife and I met online over 10 years ago, at the time she was in a stable relationship that had gone on for several years, but still we became friends and eventually had a romantic relationship though there was never anything physical. This lasted one year until I pushed too hard for us to go to the next level and she ended it. After some months I met someone else, had a relationship, got married, and that marriage only lasted one year as I found her in our bed with another man just one week after our first anniversary. Four months after my separation, while going through divorce, the first girl I had met online appears again and we start talking and realize we are still "in love" with each other, but she was still in her stable relationship with the same man as before. She tries with this person one last time and when things didnt work she ran straight to me and we went straight into a long term relationship, moved in together, and started a life, all this with about one month between her moving out from her ex's house and moving in with me. From there we had several issues and traumas from our past but we made it through and this year was our 7th anniversary.

In Feb she came back from a 3 month trip to Argentina to see her family and, checking her phone one day, I found a bunch of pictures of her naked that had been sent several times via whatsapp but I couldnt find where they were sent. There were also messages to two different men that I consider inappropriate. I confronted her about all this and she swore she had sent me those pictures and no one else (even though I never got a single one) and that the messages one of them had been sent by a friend of hers she had lend the phone to and the other was a message to her friend but that I was taking it out of context. I believed her. On June 13th I caught her lying about where she had been the night before and she comes and tells me she is a lesbian and was out meeting another girl, but that she still loves me and is attracted to me and doesnt want our marriage to end. She promised she had never lied to me before and had never done anything like that before, she promised nothing had happened and that she has never been physical with any other person, male or female, since being with me. 

This is too long, I will need a second post after this. Sorry.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Juan, hi and thanks for posting your comment, which is rather a complex one, and personally I'm not too sure if I could believe what she has said, maybe she's right or maybe she's wrong.

One minute she is with another man and then you, but then goes back to the first person and then back to you if I am correct, so with all of this happening it would appear as though it's an unstable relationship, but more so a confused lady.

Those photos that seemed to be sent to 'other men' but then denies this, and then tells you that she was somewhere but in fact she wasn't, as you found out that she was lying, and I presume you just wanted to check to see where she was, but then comes out saying she is a lesbian.

I'm sorry but I don't know what to say, as she just seems to be lost in life, grabbing at every opportunity that comes her way, I don't mean to upset you, which I may have, but if I was you then I wouldn't have anything else to do with her, although I know you love each other,  but with all of this happening you must feel drained. Geoff.

Community Member

Hi JuanC

Im sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds very confusing for you. Unfortunately I don't think she can be trusted.Your relationship from the beginning was not based on honest. She was having a romantic relationship with you while she was in a supposedly committed relationship with another man which shows that she has very little respect

or regard for other peoples feelings. She then came to you because that relationship fell apart and she new you were there. 

It sounds very much like she is alwayking for something bette and r. 

You deserve a lot better than to be treated like that. She is telling too many stories that don't add up.

I know it's hard because you love her but she takes it for granted and is not deserving of it. 

 Maybe you can speak to a counselor to get some advice on what you can do. Or if you really want to save this relationship you could try counselling as a couple. Hopefully she is willing to do that for you.