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Breakup Pain

Louelle11
Community Member

Hi

I have recently gone through a breakup, he was my first boyfriend and we were together 9 months. He was my everything, I loved him so much and he made me so happy. One night he said he didn't feel for me the way I did for him. This was 3 months ago. I am still struggling with the pain, I cry myself to sleep alot. I am scared I will never love again, that no one else will ever want me and more so that I will never get over him or be able to love anyone else. I was always terrified of losing him, I felt like he was my soul mate. He was everything I had ever wanted in a partner and now it has all gone. I felt at home with his family and with him.

I don't know what to do now. Has anyone been through something similar? If so how did you get better, did you move on to other relationships? Does the pain ever subside?

He was my first love, I am late 20's so feeling like I am running out of time as I want to settle down and start a family. I would love to chat to anyone who can help.

Thankyou

6 Replies 6

monkey_magic
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Louelle11,

Breakups are painful no matter what age you are. I lost my soul mate in my early 20's and so understand the enormity of what u are feeling, felt it to. At the time I felt as though I was at a dead end and wouldn't get through it but you do. You get through those barriers and look forward to the light again. And in my case I did see other men after him.

I am now single again & got through not being with the others I had seen so it can be done, it's important not to dwell but to get through and move forward. Steps forward, steps backwards.

I'd give yourself time & space to get over him and still do things u like before dating again, but that's they key one day u can have fun dating, seeing other guys. I'm sure you don't want to hear that now, it's something's for the future since u want to have a family.

I found my first soul mate breakup to be the most painful too.I said first because I believe we have more than one.

Anyhow i wish u luck and future love and one day you'll be able to look back and have the memories without the feelings attatched- it happened to me.

Hi Monkey_Magic

Thankyou for your reply and advice. It’s nice having people to talk to who have been through something like this and that there is light at the end and that you can feel happy again.

Thankyou

Hi louelle11,

Thanks for writing back. It does take time though so no rush. Cry out all the tears, it will make u stronger. I felt more spirited after the breakup as well. You also might feel that you're over it & then it will hit u all over again- that's normal. It's OK to not be over it in 3 months, there's no time limit really.

I will say you are doing so well. It's a hard thing to conquer so give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of how far you've come. This saying helped me so I'll say it " pain is only weakness leaving the body".

Sorry this has happened but it will armour you for other things that can cross your path later on in life. I do believe you become a bit or a lot stronger for it.

Thankyou, I feel a bit better today but have ups and downs. The other thing that sends me into panic is him meeting someone else and replacing me, I know this sounds lame but the feeling of me not being enough or the fact he told his mates that I’m “just not the right girl for him” hurts me a lot. Especially when I only ever gave him love and my heart. Do these thoughts of him moving on and replacing you subside in time?

i hope I don’t sound too silly but it’s just what I’ve been feeling

Hi louelle11,

It's different for everyone & yes I believe the feelings lessen in time so the impact of him being with someone else would lessen in time also. Once you've moved on with a new partner they will lessen even more. Right now though the feelings are still there which is why you're pondering this. Again sorry about you having to deal with this esp at this time of the year. I really hope you have some good supports to be there for you and to help guide you through this breakup.

HI Louelle 11,

Welcome to the community here. Monkey_Magic has offered you some very kind words, support and suggestions. It is not easy breaking up with someone, than thinking of them being with someone else can be hurtful for sure.

Whenever we ask ourselves "Why" did that happen to me, it can help to increase our negative thoughts and emotions. It may take you some time to accept this is happened, and to realise that you can love someone again in the future.

Like Monkey mentioned, trying to go out and do things that you enjoy is very beneficial to your self pride and self esteem. Try not to think of him as replacing you, just finding someone different.

You may always have feelings for this guy in your heart, that is okay too, just ensure you make plenty of room to love and care for yourself and for a future relationship as well.

Cheers from Dools