Bad mother

[Meg1977]

I feel like a horrible mother. When I grew up my mother was never emotionally invested in me so when I had children I promised myself to love them unconditionally and do whateva to make them feel good about themselves. I maybe did the last part too much because I would always and still do try to fix everything for them from friendship issues to backing them in arguments with their father. My children are 18 and 16 and at times struggle with mental health as I do and I believe I have made these alot worse for them. The three of us are always doom and gloom when upset and go to extremes of depression. A current example is my eldest is struggling to get his license and gets soo down on himself and then I get guilt because I didnt raise my kids right by giving them strategies and coping skills when things dont go right and I struggle cos I cant fix this. I keep telling him to stop crying and itll all be ok but I am in soo much pain watching him suffer. My husband his father just tells us both to suck it up and keep going but I wanna hide and run away.

[smallwolf]

I hear your pain, and it's clear that you deeply care about your children and their well-being. Your desire to provide them with unconditional love and support stems from your own experiences growing up. It's important to acknowledge the efforts you've made to make your children feel valued and secure.

I was listening to a podcast the other day - therapist talking with another person who did a 180 in how she raised her own kids because of the abuse she endured. But felt guilt as well. She was told that as parents we will make mistakes and that is OK. It would be nice to have all the answers, but we don't. 

Let your children show their emotions, such as when you son did not get his licence. He may feel as though he failed. Yet what your partner, his father say, "suck it up" would not be helpful. 

Most importantly, remember that you're doing your best, and your love for your children shines through your words.