Introduction - Hello Everyone

[Guest_498]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

[Guest_498]

Lamb shanks the next day is always soo much better, as the red wine sauce penetrates into the meat, giving it full flavour! I have mine with creamy mashed potato.

Ok, so .. my new flatmate just left having dropped off a few things in his room. I helped him with that. He didn't stay long. Just caught up pretty much. Told me about his work and how tired he was. He seems nice enough.

Ladies, there was an awkward moment though .. I actually blushed for the first time in a LONG time. No male has done that for a while. I deflected. Great save from me. Oh dear. lol.

Blubes

[Guest_498]

Hey Sleepy21,

Thanks for popping by - you are soo welcome here anytime and I hope that you'll stay.

Lockdown has been terrible for me. I've been bored out of my wits and trying to cope as best as I can by keeping myself busy, finding things to do on a daily basis. Just can't wait till this is all over for us. I hope you're keeping yourself busy also.

May I ask what caused your cptsd? If you don't want to talk about it, it's ok.

Blubes

[Guest_498]

Monkey,
Did tou manage to declutter your room yet? I need to tidy up my closet still - haven't done it yet since Ive moved clothes in there from the spare bedroom. I might do that tomoz.

[Guest_1643]

hi Blubs,

sorry you're also struggling in this lockdown.
How's it been getting ready for the new flattie?

I hope that goes well and is a nice distraction from all this madness....

My cptsd is a lot from neglect and abuse in early childhood....

I'm just realising now that although my father was a main aggressor, my mother was pretty supportive of him and that hurt a lot. Something innate as a woman about wanting to trust and feel allied with other women - hard to see that some women (my mum) can throw you under the bus. He was worse- but her actions/complicity hurt me more, if that makes sense.

How's your week starting off? Hope we can have some more chats here 🙂

[Guest_1643]

thanks for asking bluberry and also not judging if i didnt asnwer. i feel a bit stressed now that i made your thread depressing!

I'm sorry at all if that was overwhelming. I so am new and unpractised and knowing how to talk about ptsd. I guess you asked but i hope my answer was okay and not too much

[ecomama]

Hi darling Blubes and darling Sleepy and all the other darlings including Uncle Croix lol!

I think we're all peas in a pod here with PTSD and or C-PTSD Sleepy... hugs hugs and more hugs.

I get what you're saying Sleepy... it's like if we had ONE parent who was clearly aggressive / abusive then we would hope the other parent would protect us. I'm sorry that didn't happen for you. I would have protected you, you could bet anything on that.

It's ultimate crap when it doesn't happen. The abuse should never have happened to begin with.

We would expect ONE parent to stand up for us at the very least. How fortunate are those kids that have two protective parents! I wish there were more families like that.

There's SO much research written about this and the effects of abuse and neglect on children.

But we are the results... remember our achievements are in spite of this abuse, not because of it.

SO whatever you achieve, even to the smallest self-care action, this is YOUR achievement and you can be very proud of yourself for being here and doing that.

We have a LOT of stuff to work out in our minds, because this stuff is very confusing. The confusion can last well into adulthood and that's okay because we're here working it out.

When I got to about 33yo I remember realising that's how old my father was when I was born and I thought WOW.... OH MY GOD... at that age you still didn't have a clue. I forgave him.

I really had to PUSH that forgiveness out for the people who were supposed to love and protect me. Never forget, forgive. Very different.

It was at 33, during that realisation, that I made up the saying for my own head "Just because you're older, doesn't mean you're wiser".

Today the Deputy of my son's school echoed what I said only a few days ago to son and gf.... "some people don't have the capacity to parent children well".

I also said that we were meant to have a village raising a child. This isn't was happens and parents really struggle.

So we can use whatever excuses we want to, to gather understandings of what our parents went through, my mother went through hell - but she had a LOT of support from her family Thank God for that. But it's up to us how we see it all also.

I validate the harm done.

Our healing journey has begun.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Hi Sleepy (wave to Ems),

You're not making my thread depressing at all. We all have issues in life that we either can't get past or on our recovery journey. We're here to vent and support one another. Thanks for opening up. 🙂 I would never judge you, ever. No one in life has any right to judge anybody else, and the ones that do are the ones causing others pain.

I too came from an abusive family dynamic - as a child, I was severely mentally abused. This lasted into adulthood. By way of discipline, I went to kindergarten, primary, and high school with bruises all over my body. My sister is a narcissist who takes pleasure in destroying me. She has destroyed and damaged everything that meant anything to me. She's the aggressor and my mum aides and abet. So I understand those who have been abused both mentally and physically. Please don't ever apologise for anything. I look forward to having more chats with you.

My new flatmate will be officially moving in on Monday - it would definitely be a nice distraction for me. He's easy on the eyes. lol. Well, for me anyway. He's sooo my type. Brown crew cut hair, nice blue eyes (I think they're blue), nice body. HOWEVER, I'm HOPING he's a pleasant flattie like my ex-flatmate was. I did though catch him checking me out last night which made me blush, but I quickly deflected and pretended that I didn't see.

My PTSD started after my exposure to the CAT Team. In a nutshell, last year in April (2019) after I had enough of my mum's abuse, I started to fight back. They called the CAT Team on me for no reason. There was no emergency, no suicide attempts, no incidents which warranted their visits. I was set-up. The organisation forged my medical files, forged a false diagnosis or diagnoses, damaged my property (staged as a suicide attempt & psychotic episode), and drugged me surreptitiously. My mum is complicit and did most of their dirty work. The organisation are trying to cover up. I will be fighting this. I'm waiting on the changes to be implemented to the complaint processes within Mental Health sector. This is my story.

Blubes x

[Guest_498]

Hi all,
So I couldn't sleep early last night. Turned on the tele and accidentally tuned into Wntworth. To my surprise, I watched a full episode. I loved it. I'm wondering whether full seasons are available on Iview.
Has anyone seen it?
Blubes

[ecomama]

No haven't seen it sorry.

xxEM

[Guest_498]

Heya Ems,

You should watch it when you get a chance. I'll be watching it from the start! One of the prison ladies escaped from Wentworth prison in last night's episode. That's all I can say, should you choose to watch it. I recommend it.

How are you today my dear? You're home early from work?