Hi
I know for some people this is a great time of year but for me that is not the case. For me it is not as it trigger for my PTSD and although hate is a strong word it is the only word I can think of.
Growing up it was just an excuse for the men (fathers family) to get drunk and treat the women as second class citizens. The men drank and the women work and there were often fights and jealousy between brothers, sisters and cousins. As the eldest grandchild there was an expectation on me that due to constant physical abuse I could not cope with.
I will be with my mum, stepfather and a friendly uncle this year but unfortunately my stepfather is extremely jealous of anyone who spends time with mum especially me. He is belittling and emotionally abusive and although I am better at not letting it get to me it does from time to time. In fact a few years ago I was so close to lashing out but I didn't and for that I am very proud of myself.
He once said to me "there is someone in MY house I wish wasn't here" obviously meaning me. Unfortunately that is the price I have to pay to see my mum. I know she wants out but due to his health and age she feels an obligation.
To those of you that enjoy this time of year "Merry Christmas"
