Acceptance after a car accident and injury

[East26]

I was involved last November in a car accident while responding to a volunteer situation.

My arm got severely injured. I have had a surgery and I am due for one in a couple of weeks and another down the track. All up, I was told it will take me up to two years, with little chance of regaining full motion. 
i have lots of trouble accepting the time frame, and in a way I think the extend of the injuries. I am active and all of a sudden, I need help for the basic things. 

i also have trouble dealing with the volunteering which I can’t do fully. I love that part, i love the people. Seeing all this and knowing I can’t do it just breaks me. 
My husband is part of the organisation too so I can’t disconnect completely, even for a little while. 

My husband says “i am not fun”. I know I have bad and good days, which is normal.  This will change me I know. I know that done things will need to change but I can’t seem to accept my injury and what it means, not only now but for later. 

[East26]

Thank you ER and Croix for your constant support.

It feels isolating because it is me alone "against" the injury. I do not mean that I wish for it to happen to anyone else, by all means this is not what it is. But I think that those close to me, do not understand what it is like. I wake up and my first thought is my injury, same when I go to bed at night, when I wake up at night and everything is between.

I am not concerned about the "being fun for anyone". Your previous responses helped me to navigate this. My husband made it clear how inconvenient this has been to him. I wish I had that problem.

I find the good times in listening to music or bake. That helps. I focus on the physio and do the best I can. The surgeon said I will have an impairment to which I replied that until then, I have much progress to achieve so I want to focus on that. What is to gain before fully understanding and assessing what has been lost.

You have all been so supportive since my first post, and I can not thank you enough.

[Croix]

Dear East26~

You are very welcome, it may show that at least in one sense you are not alone wiht the injury. Frankly I can see some of myself, I can't sit up in bed or roll over for example, I have to use my hands and solders to lever me. Mind you I can get around when up, I'm not stuck static in one place. I do not say this to point out others have issues, I am trying to point out that now an inability does get me frustrreaed at times -but so does the car not starting -they are on a par.

Actually I no longer notice this, until I talk to you:) Similar shortcomings are the same. My life adapts, but it is still my life. It is also not static.

So while you may not envisage what will happen I also  don't see how you can, as your condition is continuing to improve, and who knows what you will end up having to cope with. That determination that runs through all your words can work wonders.

As for others not understanding, I guess that is so often the case, people do not have the experience, or imagination and empathy to relate. As a result thier efforts can have a very negative effect -there is so much distance between you and them, and thier conduct and words emphasizes this.

I'm glad baking and music can give you a lift, do you mind if I ask what sort of music you prefer?

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Dear East26,

That sounds like a really constructive approach, to focus on what can be gained before impairments are assessed/known. I think it is a balance of hopefulness with being realistic, but realistic is a somewhat malleable thing and it may be possible to extend beyond projected limitations in time.

It is understandable that you are waking up with thoughts about the injury and also when going to bed. One thing I’ve found helps me lately is listening to a podcast when trying to go to sleep as I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep and I’ve had a lot of anxiety. I often choose a podcast on photography or another topic of interest to me, as long as I like the sound of the presenters’ voices. It seems to work most of the time and I’m starting to fall asleep within about 15-20 minutes. I start off focusing on the podcast which is a healthy distraction from anxiety and before long I’m usually drifting off. Occasionally it doesn’t work but generally it helps. I’m not sure if the sound would bother your husband and whether headphones would be feasible if that was the case. I know some people use audiobooks and sleep stories you get from the internet that are especially created to help going to sleep.

I do understand that alone feeling in relation to a health issue. It can feel very isolating so you are always welcome to chat here. I do think it’s common that others generally don’t get it unless they have been through something very similar.

I’m glad you have your music and baking, both wonderful activities I enjoy too 🙂 Take good care,

ER

[Maree367]

Hi There, 

I just saw this thread.  I actually got on, looking for supper for my son.  It sounds like you have a brachial plexus injury? My son is 17, and he was a passenger in a MVA in May, he has had slow progress, but now after surgery 3 months ago he is making small movements.  Where abouts do you live? Just seeing if you could recommend any advice as you are a little further on.  He is really struggling at the moment now that huge has just finished year 12 and he is feeling lost, and so down.  Looking into counselling and psychology for him.