What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I saw my GP on Wednesday. He’s prescribed a low dose of antidepressants which are supposed to help me sleep too - which they definitely do! I’m not restless when I’m trying to sleep and actually sleep right through to when my alarm goes off. The only downside is that I’m drowsy during the day as well. Apparently this often goes away with time, so I’ll give it a few weeks and see what happens.

I have been quite emotional lately. It could be stress from work, because it’s really busy in the school holidays. We also have a lot of new crew in training. Working with inexperienced team members adds a lot of stress too.

I passed the interview! I was so relieved when I got the news. It’s one more thing to cross off my list. Things are starting to fall in place. Turns out all my worry earlier this year was unfounded. My dreams seemed so distant and impossible, but the pieces are all falling into place. Now all I have to do is find a car and get my P’s.

So many things have changed since this year started. I have a job, made new friends, completed the aged care course, enrolled in the Diploma of Nursing. Then there’s the unexpected. My past coming back to haunt me, I’m going to counselling, my brother’s on drugs, he’s got a girlfriend... So much has happened, and I’ve come so far.

Yet in some ways I’m still running. I still haven’t told my counsellor exactly what my brother did me. I feel like as long as I hold onto it I’m not going to heal. Every time I think to speak my fear pulls me back, but maybe it’s time to let go. Maybe it’s time to tell her. What am I so scared of? Being judged? She’s never judged me. There’s no logical reason not to speak. I’ve built all these walls to protect myself and I’m starting to realise that I don’t need some of them anymore.

My brother and his girlfriend broke up. He’s completely devastated, because he was so sure that she was the one. He said he was looking for a reason for to live. I’m worried about him, but I think he’ll be ok now. He’s opened up a bit to me about it, and he has a good friend who’s there for him. I’m just confused and upset. I don’t know what to think. I guess deep down I knew this would happen though.

Yes, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, it does affect you. Work gets busier, the shops get busier, everyone else gets busier. You notice it when you walk down the street and it’s packed with people when it’s normally quiet.

Hoping you have a great time tomorrow with your family!

Hugs,

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Many, many congratulations on getting through the interview and enrolling in the Diploma of Nursing. Life is certainly looking up for you. I am so happy for you. Is this a new job or are you still working in the family business?

You have also come a long way with your counselling. Getting this last part out into the open may be harder because we sometimes cling to that last bit privacy and hurt. Talking about what actually happened I can imagine will be difficult. Would it help do you think if you wrote this all down. I have found that writing down the difficult stuff is easier than talking. Then whether you hand it over to the counsellor or read it out yourself, it's already disbursed some of the anxiety.

Of all the advances you have made I think the best is, Every time I think to speak my fear pulls me back, but maybe it’s time to let go. Maybe it’s time to tell her. What am I so scared of? Being judged? She’s never judged me. There’s no logical reason not to speak. I’ve built all these walls to protect myself and I’m starting to realise that I don’t need some of them anymore. That is such an amazing breakthrough and I think you are finally healing.

I know you care for your brother but do not get so involved with his difficulties. He told his GF about his past and she left. If the same situation happens again please let him make up his own mind. Also do not get sucked in to your brother's comments about living. It sounds like he is looking for comfort, which is reasonable, but not when it brings you down.

I will say Merry Christmas even though you do not celebrate this time. The world will come to rest for a few days so relax.

Mary

[james1]

Hey Mia,

A huuugee congratulations on passing the interview 🙂 You've certainly earned it!

As Mary said, it's always important to remember that your brother's life is his own and you have so much more to live for than to get sucked into his life. He will learn things in his own time, as will you.

I hope you find these holidays relaxing and enjoy the time with your family for your brothers' birthdays!

James

[Mia001]

Hi Mary and James,

Yeah, I’m sooo happy about the interview! I can’t wait to start the course. April seems so far away! I’m sure the time will pass quickly though.

Mary - Still working at the same place. 😊🍔🍟

I know you’re both right about my brother. I’m going to have to learn to let him live his own life and make his own mistakes.

I’m totally enjoying these days off! Back to work tomorrow unfortunately. I have to be up at 4:30am for an early start. The good news is that I have a week off in January, which I’m really looking forward to!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a relaxing day too!

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia and James

I hope you had a rest during the Christmas break. I can imagine how much you are looking forward to your week off. Do you have any plans for the week?

Time always seems to drag when you are waiting to do something special. April will arrive. Perhaps you can spend the time talking as often as possible to your counsellor and practising any suggestions you are given. The more you can manage your life, without pushing those pesky thoughts down, the easier you will find working on your degree.

How do your parents feel about this? Will they expect you to work in the business as well. Many students have part time and casual jobs to support themselves through study and they manage OK. However you do need to leave enough time for rest as well as completing assignments. Perhaps you can start talking to your parents about this, unless of course you have already had this discussion. Early starts are not good when you have lectures to attend. You do need to sleep properly.

I was at uni in my fifties, studying part time and working full time plus caring for four children. They were very good and did a lot for themselves. By the end of each year I was exhausted and spent December and January resting as much as possible. If I read a book not on my study list I felt so guilty until I realised I had nothing to read until the start of the uni year. I have always been pleased that I completed that degree.

Be gentle with yourself.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I have an appointment with my counsellor and my birthday is during my week off. I organised the party for the Saturday night, which I’m looking forward to. Other than that, I don’t really have an plans. I’m just hoping to stay home and relax.

The course is part time, so it’s only one day per week, with the exception of work placement and a week when you start. I’m hoping to work 3 days, study 3 days each week. (Having Sundays off). I can always cut back on a day of work if I need the time to rest or study. My parents are okay with this as long as I can cope with everything.

How are you going? Did you enjoy your Christmas?

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Such a positive reply. It's great to read your parents are supporting you. My birthday is also in January so drink a toast to me.😊 Will your party be at home? Maybe too much noise and clearing up afterwards. Sounds like fun though.

I had an enjoyable Christmas. I spent the morning and early afternoon with my eldest daughter and family before we all drove to my second daughter for presents and dinner. We were driven indoors because of the thunderstorm but by then everyone had eaten. It was a big crowded as there were about 30 of us. I had a lovely time and spent the night with daughter #2 then came home to see what the storm had to my garden. Nothing apart from watering it so that was one task I could miss.

I am gradually getting well again. I find it therapeutic to write here and applaud all the progress you and others have made. Fantastic is the word.

I have several volunteer jobs so will be back in harness next week. I very much enjoy this.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

My party is going to be home, but there shouldn’t be too much mess. I’m keeping it small, and only inviting the people that are important in my life.

Are you doing anything special to celebrate your birthday?

I’m glad to hear your Christmas went well. The rain must have been very welcome. We had a few inches here which was much needed. The paddocks are greening up and the creek is full and clear. Happy days! 🌱🌤💦

It’s great that you too are feeling better. You definitely sound more enthusiastic about everything!

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Good to hear from you. Parties at home are often better than in a pub or hall. Whoops, did not mean to sound unenthusiastic about anything but I suspect what we feel leaks out at times. I have to say you are very sensitive person. I remember when I was working a staff member phoned with a query she had. Well we had a chat and sorted out the problem and then I said ,"Now what about you?" To me her tone of voice etc was obviously distressed but she did not realise how much. We had another chat.

I think I have had a couple of inches over the past couple of weeks. Great stuff. Probably not celebrating. My granddaughter has a birthday a couple of days before me and although her mom has sometimes made two cakes for us to blow out the candles, it's a shame to claim part of her celebrations.

Good to know you are well.

Mary

[james1]

Hello Mary and Mia!

At 26, I sometimes think I should be heading out every second day but it's just not me! Home is really the best. With my stuffed toys and pet rabbit and bird, haha. Mostly I tell people to invite themselves over to my place so it's not tooo quiet, but I do like time to myself quite a bit.

My birthday was in December and I think I just told everyone that I was going away for the weekend when, in reality, I just stayed at home and probably watched a movie.

It sounds like this break has generally been okay for you both which is nice to hear. I just went down to Canberra a couple of times to see a friend who was getting married, so that was lovely 🙂

James