This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Resillence]

Hi everyone, so glad to be here.

Hi, Lady-Stardust, I'm also new, wish I'd had the courage to seek support sooner. I think we might be on the same med which is mainly used to manage epilepsy. It guess it works similarly by keeping the 'wiring' in our brains connecting properly and stopping the 'short circuits'. It's just a real pain it's not covered on the pbs for bipolar disorder as it's really expensive!

Hi Igran, could you explain what DBT is ?, I haven't heard that term before.

Hi, 1113, I love how you see your body as a temple, I have a very poor health regime, so could learn a lot from you.

Hi Kaz, I'll post in the other thread about my drinking, I wouldn't want to trigger anyone here. For the same reason I don't think this is the place to talk in depth about my sons' situation (perhaps there might be a more appropriate forum?)

Thanks for asking how my kids are coping. Let me just say that my son epitomizes the definition of 'resilience'. I absolutely believe the special bond he shares with his twin sister is the only reason he has defied all the odds so far. My middle son has aspergers syndrome so not that expressive emotionally. My eldest son is very sensitive like me, so his brothers diagnosis greatly impacted his studies, disappointing HSC result, but he's since found his feet at tafe.

(btw, my family was the face of Canteen's National Bandanna Campaign this year, have a look on their website to see how gorgeous my kids are).

I've been running on adrenelin for so long trying to split myself in two between hospital and caring for my other kids, of course it brought on a mini hypomania episode, and thankfully so, to be honest. Now that energy is exhausted, the constant anxiety is pulling me down into a depressive episode. Plus ( sorry for tmi guys) pre-menopause isn't helping.

So apart from mutual support and understanding, you are so right Kaz, I need to get out of my head and rediscover the lighter side of live and smile again. I don't have any hobbies, but music is always my faithful compagnion.

Sorry for the long post, I just haven't spoken to anyone in way too long.

[Resillence]

Hi again, my previous post hasn't been checked yet, but anyway, I mentioned music is my best friend, so here's what I'm listening to right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alEy3hgzpLM

Is there a thread where to share music ?

[Kazzl]

Hiya Len - how are you mate? Hope all is well today.

Len a very good friend of mine, our Rainbow Champion Paul, is looking at starting DBT and is interested in hearing other people's experiences of it - I wonder if you might like to share yours (only if you want) on his thread?

He has posted a new thread in the Depression board 'DBT, Borderline and my whole world changing'.

Thanks mate - and no worries if you don't.

Cheers

Kaz

[Lady_Stardust]

Thanks for the welcome and compliments, Kazzl and Igbran!

I'm feeling a bit better today, whatever bug that's tried to make my insides its home seems to be packing its bags. Hopefully I'll be back to my relatively healthy self soon.

Yeah, the permanent quality of Bipolar can be really disheartening, especially during a down cycle, because it's like, 'I'm supposed to deal with this forever?' It's difficult, but you're absolutely right, we adapt. All creatures are able to adapt to their living situations, and I think that's something to be admired. It's something of an inherited stubborn refusal to remain the same in a situation that demands change.

I'm so glad to hear that, Kazzl. It's always good when you can look back and think, 'things aren't perfect but they're sure better.' (:

Thank you! And I really don't mind what I do, haha. I just want a job. Preferably something that doesn't have too much interaction with strangers - I get anxious. I did some work experience at a bookstore that was pretty quiet, so I think I'm able to deal with some interaction. Either somewhere quiet or somewhere that I can work alone.

Mainly I like to write. Short stories mostly. English was the only thing I was ever really any good at and enjoyed in school, so I've continued with that. I also like to read, I'm real big on movies of pretty much any genre, and you'll never find me without headphones in my ears. I mean, my user is the title of a David Bowie song, so I bet you can guess what I'm hearing out of those headphones. 😛

It sounds like you're doing really well with your physical health, Igbran! Congrats. Make sure to keep your fluids up, water is very important and will help you healthily lose weight. I once went on a no sugar diet and the weight really dropped off. Also make sure that you're eating well, because you can actually gain weight by skipping meals. Sounds weird, but it's something to do with the body slowing the metabolism down because it thinks that it won't get another meal for a while and therefore wants to conserve its fat.

I know what you mean with the alcohol. I really don't drink, maybe one or two glasses at a social gathering. Otherwise, nah.

(I seem to be running out of characters. To be continued!)

[Lady_Stardust]

(Aaaand we continue!)

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to deal with such extremes, that's terrible. But I - and everyone else here - 100% believe in you and will be supportive no matter what. Here's hoping the levelness continues for you and you just keep on with those meds, keep pushing through it, the benefits definitely outweigh. Mindfulness has been suggested to be a few times, but I've never really looked into it. I'm thinking I should now, huh?

Thanks again, I'll keep you all updated on the job front!

[Guest_322]

Hi Kaz (+ shoutout to all thread contributors + anyone reading)

Congratulations on your double decker of good news! You must be ecstatic!

💐🌟👏💐🌟👏💐🌟👏💐🌟👏💐🌟💐👏🌟💐🌟👏💐👏🌟💐👏🌟💐👏💐👏🌟💐👏🌟💐👏🌟💐👏🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈

Your new job sounds fantastic and very meaningful. It's wonderful to hear that this project involves people with lived experience.

Your new studies also sound great! You'll get to combine the theory with the practical. Awesome stuff!

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Welcome Resilience and Lady Stardust!

Lovely to have you both on board. Thanks for sharing some of your story.

I'm a uni student (still on uni holidays at the moment ha, ha). I usually work part-time during the semesters but try to pick up extra shifts during the break.

I'm a bit of an oddity on this thread as I don't actually have bipolar. But its sibling illness, depression, has "loved" me to bits over the years. I jump on this thread to chat and to show some encouragement and support.

Resilience, you've clearly been through a lot and are still going through a lot. Raising children (and 4 no less) is no easy feat! My own parents struggled enough with one child so my hat off to you.

Your loneliness definitely comes across and you sound very isolated at the moment. Loneliness cuts deep. I can empathise with you there but it's a different kind of loneliness for me: mine is more of a "lonely in a crowded room" kind of loneliness.

Lady Stardust (love the sassy username btw!), you sound very savvy and it's wonderful how you took such a proactive approach in your MH treatment.

I've never had hypomania and mania (I don't have bipolar) but I can definitely empathise with the depression and down moods. The down moods can be very painful and dark. With you on your reality being difficult comment.

All the best with the job hunt- I hope good news comes your way soon!

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Matt and Len (shoutout to Kaz + everyone else),

Lovely to see you both here. Sorry, this is short as I have to dash and get ready for a party (I'm STILL in my pjs)!

Talk later,

Dottie x

[Kazzl]

Party? I want a party! Can I come Dottie? 😄 Have a good time sweat pea. Tell us stories when you come home. (And thanks for the congrats hun - yes, I'm stoked.) BTW, I know you know you're an important part of our little community, but so's you know I understand when you explain you don't have bipolar - I'm a straight supporter in the LGBTI community. Same but different, and valued for who you are and what we share. xx

Hi Lady Stardust - I see you have excellent taste in music. Good musical taste is a common trait on this thread. 😄 I relate to English being your best subject - always was mine too. I'm an ex-journalist by trade, and former communications person in the public service - so I have made my living through writing, one way or another, for 30 years.

Great to see you again.

Cheers to all - isn't it hot again!

Kaz

[Lady_Stardust]

Thanks for the welcome, Dottie!

I'm so glad that everyone likes my username, that makes me pretty happy. And thank you, it took me a while to realise that if I felt something wasn't right, I should try and figure out what the problem was and see if a health professional agreed. I'm very glad I did. I'm sorry you experience depression, that's rough. I second Kazzl. (:

We'll see how the job hunting goes. As I'm still feeling sick, I probably won't have the energy to look much today, but I'd say tomorrow I'll go a'huntin'. Have fun at the party, Dottie!

Yay! Love to see people who are into music. I feel music is really good for mental health. Even if I'm not feeling very good, putting on something soothing seems to help. That's really cool, Kazzl, were you a local journalist or something like that? So good you were able to do what you're good at and like to do in life.

It is pretty hot today, but looks like it's gonna be even worse tomorrow where I am. Thirty six degrees! 😮