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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,703 Replies 10,703

Hi, Yes, it’s school holidays. I have been absent from here due to a crime being committed at our house. Some of the matters are resolved and some are not. It’s usually a lot of my self control and resilience to cope with the situation.

I will read more and catch up tomorrow, it’s bed time and I did see Quirky speaking about sleep. I sleep quite well, I do wake up a few times a night but I can get back to sleep. When depressed I nap during the day too. I sometimes have night terrors, that nights I don’t feel rested. 

Airies
Community Member

Asdff, i hope the matter is resolved quickly. I’ve been napping for 2-3 hours after dinner sometimes more.Its the excercysing walk, gym and bike ride. I should be thin as a rake but I’m not.

I suffer from night terrors as well most nights.

Daylight savings changes this weekend.How do others cope?

 

asdff
Community Member

Airies glad to hear you are exercising. Velvet my psychologist tells me in relation to parents They are trying their best. I laugh on the inside and refute that Can’t they be like so and so’s parents? I hope they apologise and treat you better. hi Quirky.

 

As for the matter at our house. Some of it is resolved. Some is not and it will be a battle, some of my Bipolar came into play; when I could call a company everyday and tell them how incompetent they are. I can do that, yet I can’t cope with a paid job because of the stress involved and my moods still fluctuating. Isn’t it horrible, we can’t even predict our moods? It’s exhausting having to contend with our mind every minute of the day! 

Airies
Community Member

Looked in the mirror and summed myself up as a hypocrite. Excercying and then undoing it by bad food choices. Told my wife and she looked puzzled. Hard for normal people to understand. Geez we are hard on ourselves. My moods are over the top.

I have figured out my parents. It's definitely not malicious. 

Humans are hypocrites by nature, and forgetful. Don't beat yourself up Airies..... just have (had?) A good birthday!!!! 

Asdf = don't take their BS. 😁

Velvet, my immediate thought was Geez you’re good and almost instantly the penny dropped as to my post name haha. It’s fun getting old not. It’s coming up and a night out is on the cards. It all revolves around food. Going to see the Titanic exhibition later this week. Should be fascinating.

Your post lifted my mood Velvet just when I needed it. You’re a good egg

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Asdff Aries and velvet 

Asdff wow glad you are coping. 
Aries I seem to get more sensitive as I age but I hold in when annoyed by those close to me. I bite my tongue so much it should bleed!!!
i have spend t a few days with w different families. I have someone say are you ok can I help when Iam fine and coursed. Makes me feel so inadequate. 

also does anyone know a corrrecter in the fair family and friends. 

person who needs to be right all the time and continually corrects. 

 

I'm a sick egg at the moment. I suspect it's RSV. It's not the famous virus and it didn't come on like influenza. My dog hasn't been walked and is making me feel bad. Haha.

Hope the night out has been good? If it has happened?

I think people who have the need to bully others feel inadequate, don't show them if they bother you. They're like sharks. Once they sense blood in the water..... you get the analogy.

The world has gone nuts.

Velvet hope you are feeling a bit better,

I like your advice for not lettting people bother you. I don’t ut repressing my feelings comes as a price and myself esteem goes down word by word. how is everyone. 

On a train journey a few days back there was a male calling his spouse everything under the sun on his mobile phone oblivious to those around him. People moved, school holidays so lots of kids and I was going to have a word to him to tone it down. My wife said don’t. Foul mouthed people get under my skin.  It’s almost at the stage where I avoid watching the news. Fighting a head cold. Hope you’re on the mend  Velvet.