This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

I’m a bit like Asdff., a people pleaser growing up, even withdrawn but happy later on.,My diagnosis, the meds has changed everything. I’m not depressed but my Moments. I can’t be bothered with people, my tolerance for some is very low.

[Airies]

Also saddened by Sinnead O’Connors death. The 80s were fun times. Another star lost due to mental illness. She was very passionate in what she believed in,

[Lisa611]

Hi All...just checking in. Have been catching up reading everybody's posts. 🙂

[quirkywords]

Hi Lisa

how is school going .? How. are you?

How is Velvet, Aries AsdffI, and anyone reading. 
Do you find  if you are in pain and physically sick this affects your mental health and vice versa .?

[asdff]

Yes Quirky, when I am in physical pain my mental health is worse. The only exception is exercise I can turn off some pain receptors and be in a sort of meditative state and continue the exercise. Or I zone out and distract myself. 

My temper/fuse is so short at the moment and in general. I get to the point in my day and week where I hibernate away from my family and people. Particularly my family when I’ve been doing stuff for them all day and then one more request. I need to leave the room. It’s usually something they figure for themselves.

[Susie Rose]

Hi All, hope you are all well. It's a long time since I have logged in here and I have some more of my personal bipolar story to share, hoping that others can relate or it may help someone else. 

I was diagnosed in 2016 and have since married a very supportive partner. We had our first baby boy in 2021, a lockdown baby. I became unwell in the 1st trimester, manic, and was hospitalised for a time. Baby is perfectly healthy and happy. 

I am currently pregnant with our 2nd baby and have received the news that it has a minor heart defect. We are lucky that it is very minor and something that will probably never need any treatment, but we pray and see after it arrives in a few weeks' time. 

It is tough for me because I know there were steps we could have taken to prevent the heart defect all together, but because I became sick in my first pregnancy, we didn't want that to happen again. It was a tough decision to make - I needed to stay well to look after my 2 year old, myself, and the baby - but if we had done things a little differently with treatment and circumstances, it could have been prevented.

Still, we are blessed to have 2 healthy babies and we're anxious to meet baby 2 soon.

Can anyone else relate?

Is anyone else planning a family and seeking information from doctors? We found that the hardest part, particularly with the 1st baby as there is limited information, research is still being done in this area and there was limited support available at the time.

Does anyone know if there are any face to face support groups to talk about issues like this? Maybe through Beyond Blue or PANDA?

Thank you for reading.

ps. asdff I can totally related to that! At the end of the week with my toddler my fuse can get pretty short. Have a good weekend.

[quirkywords]

Susie Rose

Welcome back to the forum.

Thanks for the update and congratulations  on your two children. 
I am glad you have a supportive partner and are enjoying motherhood.m

[Airies]

Hi Suzie, many years ago we went through the IVF program. After lots of heartache we had a healthy son.our second was conceived naturally and all was well.My first son was born with a heart condition that wasn’t picked up at first. We had to wait until he was in his midteens before an operation was performed and now  a number of years later he is well. We were on tenterhooks throughout both pregnancies. Mothers are amazing. Be kind to yourself.

[asdff]

Hello all, My husband is taking a child to sport usually it’s me. I still get the 100 questions before they leave; where is the sunscreen? Where is my water bottle? Etc etc. I am actually sitting down after running around, doing lots of housework and a bit of exercise. My back is sore and I got short with everyone and I realised, I need to take a break. There is no prize for pushing yourself to breaking point. That is a very bit realisation for me and a tough habit to break.  Coming from my family, you don’t give in. You don’t show physical weaknesses. Thanks Soldier Dad! I’m breaking that habit. Probably tomorrow I will be back to pushing myself. 

Hello Susie Rose, Babies are amazing and lots of fun. When I had mine I was too busy to think about my mental health. Maybe I was on too much of a high, to think about my own well being. I also had a hormonal problem that kept me running high. As for face to face groups; mothers group or playgroup? 

Airies, I am glad your boys are well now. Operations are hard on us neurodivergent folks, I think we worry more than most. Have you heard of the green sunflower lanyard/badge/lapel? It’s for those who suffer with invisible illnesses. I think is bipolar folk qualify. You wear the lanyard etc when out and it alerts others particularly in busy places (stadiums/shopping centres) that you may be suffering with something that isn’t an obvious illness. I know personally, I’ve had panic attack s twice in busy places and once I could sit on a bench and calm myself (it was Christmas in a very busy shopping centre and I had my children with me). The other time food shopping  and the iridescent lights got too much the workers let me sit down with my legs elevated. I think in the lanyard you can put a card with emergency contacts and/or details of your condition. I am going to buy one. I just thought I would share in case it helps others.

[quirkywords]

Aries I am pleased things turned out for your  sons.
The lanyard Asdff sounds interesting.
Velvet I hope your are ok.