This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Quirky, yes to a certain person annoying me. Their actions are very self centred, even their parting is very self centred. I’ve never been subdued, well perhaps when sick with a physical illness. My mother used to have a sign that said something like Beware of the dog, beware of the owner! That is pretty much me, lots of bark and bite. It’s been a rough week and today I have to head to an event that I’m not looking forward to. I just watch my tongue, in this mood I am bound to say things that others don’t like. It’s like my bipolar comes out as truth serum, I say what others are thinking. It’s not good. Why do we let others get away with things they should be called out on? Maybe it’s because They are family. My kids get told no and they don’t get everything they want. Others in extended family get everything they want, even the adults. Go around expecting things, I think it’s because they were never told no as children. I hate people that expect others to do everything for them. I’m not talking about those that can’t do these things, some people have real valid reasons for not being able to do things. I’m talking people that take advantage of others. This really get me angry. Oh well, time to go and put on the “mask”. Let’s see how well I can hold back my feelings and mouth.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I find people so think they are entitled to the best while doing nothing, to be very arrogant.

[quirkywords]

After spending 30hrs with a nearly 5 year old it is interesting to see what bothers them and curious as to what traits will follow to adult hood

[Lisa611]

Hi all. My partner is out of hospital. He's recovering well. I've been really stressed about work. I think one of the girls I work with has been running to one of the deputy principals and saying that I haven't been doing my job. I admit when my partner was in hospital for 2 weeks my mind wasn't really on the job because I was so stressed but I'm only human. I don't trust this girl. She is going for a head teacher job next term. She is 30 and a high flyer. The senior executive at work think she's great. I'm too old for this shit! 

[quirkywords]

Lisa if someone dies nit allow sometime to care for their partner after an operation they are lacking kindness. 
it is funny how people can fool others. Do others see the real person behind the 30;year old colleague. 

[Lisa611]

Hi Quirky my faculty hasn't cut me any slack. I'm very upset by it. The 30 yr old is a high flyer, very ambitious. The senior exec think she's great. She's a good teacher but because we've had a change of staff like a new principal and deputy principal they don't know what she's like. I'm thinking that I should talk to the principal when I go back but I have to be really careful what I say

[quirkywords]

Lisa 

That makes it a tricky situation for you.

Do other staff members agree with her being a high flyer and very ambitious. Would another teacher be willing to talk to the principal. 
you have enough on your plate without worrying about another teacher. 

[Lisa611]

Quirky there are 8 people in the English department. I'm the oldest by at least 24 yrs. She is well liked by the young teachers. There is a definite generation gap. She car pools with 3 other teachers in the staffroom. They travel together everyday. I feel like I need to let the principal know to cover my own arse.

[quirkywords]

Yes you need to talk to someone you can confide in.

   Velvet Aries and Asdff how are you.

[asdff]

Do you ever feel physically sick because you’re of your bipolar? I feel queasy at the moment and I’ve been running around in a hypomanic state. I’ve had the other complaint of being stuck on the toilet because of my bipolar. 

Thanks for asking after me Quirky. It’s been school holidays, so my busy period. Easter was okay, I wasn’t happy about having to change days due to shared custody arrangements in our extended family. 

Lisa, if only these young ones had some life experience? Or a bit of empathy? At a young age I was wise beyond my years.