This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

 Elves every time I have tried to ring a Dr or counsellor it takes about six weeks, I am not in a remote area but a few hours from a city. 
Have you considered trying a helpline..? 
Is delay due to holidays.?

[asdff]

Hello, Velvet re: unhealthy coping mechanisms mine include emotional eating, yelling and putting my head in the sand. Is that one avoidance? I am just about to head to bed. This time of year does a number on me; the change in routines and the busy season. I will write more tomorrow. Take care all. 

[velvetfaerie]

I have had a good convo with people from blue knot. Excellent help.

This time of year is bananas. I'm very thankful my obligations regarding family are zero.

[Airies]

I can see my psych relatively quickly but I have private cover.coping mechanisms for me emotionally eating, bunkering down in bed and meds. I am so much alike as Asdff.

The other day I lost it with phone but didn’t , nor walk out the door. A huge gap between inaction and action.  I’m sitting here devouring twisties and bullets, a go to for me .

[velvetfaerie]

I have private cover too but doesn't help much at all.

Hope y'all OK Airies. Twisties and bullets are delicious! I've gone off food due to anxiety. 

I contacted the boy. Broke the ice. He was very happy to hear from me.

Yay.

[quirkywords]

Asdff I put my head in the sand or just close my eyes and I hope my problems go away. How adult of me.!

[asdff]

Quirky, whatever helps us. Today I had a pysch session and I to self soothe, I was so distraught about what we were discussing that I was patting and rubbing my heart. 

[quirkywords]

asdff , I have rubbed my tummy to comfort myself who held on to a soft toy. How are you feeling now? 

[velvetfaerie]

Well, mixed signals. We WERE friends, working on our communication and acknowledging there was more there on both sides.

Not for me. If you're going to flirt with me very heavily, against everything you've preached prior, knowing I HAD feelings for you, then say no we are only friends.. no. Saying you're confused and unsure = yes! That's ok. Dismissing my wellbeing at every turn only to focus on yours? No. 

That's a boundary we agreed upon and you crossed it. No. It's hurtful.

I did tell him no wonder he can't keep a chick.

And sending two of THOSE pics? Unsolicited...... distasteful.

This person publicly signals his ideal virtues, yet, behind the scenes is less than virtuous. 

NO. GOOD BYE!!

[quirkywords]

I wish I had seen the red flags in my relationships at the start.

You have so much insight.

one was a heavy drinker, one was controlling and very jealous, and one I had nothing in common with. 
I saw signs but I just stormed ahead. 
velvet I admire you sticking to  your values.