This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Leisa you make a lot of sense.

It is sad that your husband would not want to learn about bipolar.

My ex was in a mental health groups as a ,eager and had more support for people who rang up than for me. Now 20 years later after we separated he tells a friend he wishes he had been more supporting.

[Lisa611]

I think people find it difficult to understand mental illness because it has to do with the brain. When my psych explains bipolar to me and starts talking about receptors and chemicals I find it all a little overwhelming to get my head around. I have Buckley's of explaining it to someone else. I just say I have a chemical imbalance. I'm not sure if I want more understanding or support. I guess I would like more recognition for trying to manage my illness. Three months smoke free!

[quirkywords]

Lisa

3 months smoke free

[quirkywords]

Lisa well done 3 months smoke free.

i also say chemical imbalance .

I don’t want people judging m3 as they have read one article on MH and think they can advise me.

i have been on same medication for over 30 years and it works for me.

Yet complete strangers with no medical training want to tell me I should not be on medication.

[Lisa611]

Quirky I get really annoyed with people who tell me the goal is to get off medication. If I could I would...I have come to accept that my brain doesn't work properly without meds.

[Leisa68]

Lisa!! Well done! Three months smoke-free! A colossal effort. You must be proud of yourself. I like the idea of having a chemical imbalance, I feel bipolar is exactly like that. And you certainly cannot help (except for meds) a chemical imbalance.

Today I went to the capital city town hall to see an exhibition called the "City of the Sun". It was lovely, all the paintings were of the capital city when it had flooded some old typical houses that you would find here, it was a very pleasant visit and there was a Margaret Olley painting there which was the star attraction. Afterward, we went to a local pub and had lunch. I am completely out of touch with the price of things these days, it was ten dollars for a bowl of chips and ten dollars for a beer! How do people go out without taking out a loan! Gees I don't know. Taking my son out to the local bird sanctuary next week, so I am really looking forward to that.

I hope everyone is having a good and settled night.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

The Exhibition sounds wonderful. Prices of food and movie tickets and anything I have trouble keeping up.
Glad you get a chance to go out to exhibitions.

[velvetfaerie]

I was having discussions with my friend to and from a wedding last night in a country town. People are very dismissive and ignorant of MH and conditions in that category etc. It's the final frontier of diversity and acceptance I feel. Folks with MH, sensory, and divergent traits or conditions aren't heard properly yet. The only way for some sort of understanding, or attempt, is to talk openly without judgement. It's a good start!!

She has autism and adhd. I have adhd. We just GET each other so much. We didn't shut up for 10hrs hahaha. I think her husband was uncomfortable.

The wedding was for a friend. We have been mates for a few years and met on a social group online. I've been one of his go to people for his heartbreaks and so forth. I felt privileged to be invited to such a beautiful day among a select few of fantastic people. Made me very very happy for them. I was very anxious last week but then I go SUPER excited and enjoyed myself.

At one point I felt very sad as well but it was fleeting. Self pity. I hope one day a human will accept and love me without ulterior motives.

Discovered my friend I was at the wedding with had a relationship 22 years ago with one of my cousins AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Guess we are kind of related? The area she is from and where we were, I have strong family ties to there. I did joke a few times, "I bet I'm related to someone in this room.!!"

Was the day and night out I really needed.

[Lisa611]

Leisa it sounds like you go out to really cool places. Anywhere you go to these days costs money. There's never a cheap day out. V...how are you really going? It's normal for you to feel some self pity especially at a wedding. I want to say that there is someone out there for you but it sounds like a cliche. Give yourself time. Are you still in contact with the ex?

[quirkywords]

Velvet

what a lovely day, yes sad and little self pity. It sounds like an enjoyable day.

I am in my 3rd major relationship but have not found anyone who gets me. I doubt I ever will. If this one ends I won’t be going for a 4th.

I am glad you have a friend who gets you, I don’t have that, and you can discuss a range of topics.

i like a country wedding, usually great food and friendly people.