This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet and asdff

it has hard remembering and my guilt makes me recall all the painful embarrassing fact.

When I saw my mum about an hour after I have birth fir first time, I hugged her ,cried and said sorry as I realised how hard it is to be a mum and the enormous responsibility that entails.

As I get older I can often recall more from 50 years ago than from 50 mins ago and that can be a bit scary,!!

I feel all stages of life have their challenges .

[Lisa611]

I was a rebellious teen. Argued with my Dad alot. He was strict. Went and saw my psych yesterday. I feel like I'm going well. He doesn't want to see me again till April. First week back at work has been good. Hope everybody is ok.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I am glad you are doing well.

I think most teens rebel. I knew a boy whose parents were hippies living an alternative life in a commune on the far north coast . He changed his name from Cloud which he never liked and moved to the city to be an accountant. His parents had done the reverse. I wonder what Clouds children have done, maybe gone back to a commune.

[Airies]

Lisa, great news that you are travelling way.
Quirky I remember the Hare Krishnas dressed in their robes and banging their drums on a regular basis . I think there’s a commune close but there numbers have diminished. I was fascinated at the time and they appeared to be so happy.

[wringer]

Hello to all and hope you are well. Yesterday I woke in a bad state, irritable and offensive at the same time afraid to be left alone. 'I probably regressed into a teen'. My episode lasted 8 hours and it happens 12- 14 weeks apart. For about 7-8 weeks after an episode I do all the right things but then I forget and sure enough it returns.

I remember the 'orange people' they may have been Krishnas and yes they were an awesome sight.

[Leisa68]

I was one of the good girls, never causing any worry. I wish I did a bit though, I can't remember being a teenager having any fun. I was asked to leave home at 16 years. I miss the Hari Krishnas, you are right wringer, they were an awesome sight.

It has been nearly a year since my normal mood plummeted, today was hard for no particular reason I met with a friend and our kids swam in their pool, but even though I was laughing I felt I was another person. A bit dissociated. That happens to me from time to time. The pool that these people had, had Magnesium in the water which makes it softer. Softer water hey! No chlorine in this pool, no chlorine eyes!

Hope everyone is well.

[quirkywords]

Wringer that state sounds awful. Is there anything to make it less awful.
what are the right things you forget to do.?

!eisa I was a good girl till my moods went erratic.

[asdff]

This heat is sappy my energy and making me snappy. We are in the middle of another heat wave. 3 days over 39.

[wringer]

Quirkywords it is mindfulness exercises that I forget to keep doing usually because I feel well. Things could be less awful but my situation does not accommodate. I try to preempt and plan but I can not control my husbands responses and I don't blame him, he has his reasons. He is a drinker and I have learnt how to handle situations so the worst is avoided but he is yet to learn and return the favour.

A big reveal like what I just wrote feels embarrassing even though the group is anonymous. Eventually my feeling will turn into relief as expressing helps. Bye

[quirkywords]

Wringer ,

Thank for explaining how you feel.
I often feel a bit awkward revealing personal things here but I feel fortunate I can do it in a safe place.